I had a relative call me today whom I haven't spoken to in 17 years. He called to extend an olive branch but did so by pointing out my part in our falling out (ummm, dude you came at me crazy and that's what you got back ).

Apparently, this new attitude comes as a result of his father recently passing. Ummmm, so if he hadn't died you wouldn't be reaching out? Please!

I've been cool these past 2 decades without dealing with you and I haven't been pining over the loss of the relationship. Really, I'm good. So why are you upsetting MY applecart with your epiphany/guilt trip???

Anybody have someone try this shit?

[Edited 11/8/10 13:39pm]

He wants something..................

Graycap23 said:

He wants something..................

Prolly! You know how this mofo opens the convo???

His ass: Hi, ummmm, do you have any dealings in real estate in Dallas? (He lives in NJ)

Me: Uhhh, yeah. (While thinking, how the hell you get my number???)

His ass: Well, uhhhh, how about, in commercial real estate?

Me: No, I just deal with residential. (While thinking, really, is this how you wanna do this???)

Then when I crack open the crust of the situation he wanna back off. Absolutely, THE weirdest conversation ever.

Some things never change.

Graycap23 said:

Some things never change.

Man I HATE muthafuckas trynna play or manipulate me into doing what THEY want me to do. You ain't gettin' over on nobody so quit trying.

perhaps this person is in a twelve step program, and they need to apologize to heal.

BlackAdder7 said:

perhaps this person is in a twelve step program, and they need to apologize to heal.

Then be honest and direct with your apology and be prepared for the recipient to be disinterested if it comes off half-assed and disingenious.

SCNDLS said:

Graycap23 said:

He wants something..................

Prolly! You know how this mofo opens the convo???

His ass: Hi, ummmm, do you have any dealings in real estate in Dallas? (He lives in NJ)

Me: Uhhh, yeah. (While thinking, how the hell you get my number???)

His ass: Well, uhhhh, how about, in commercial real estate?

Me: No, I just deal with residential. (While thinking, really, is this how you wanna do this???)

Then when I crack open the crust of the situation he wanna back off. Absolutely, THE weirdest conversation ever.

Oh my damn. Reminds me of some cousins awhile back tryna get me to co-sign on a loan so they could by a house. I hadn't seem them jizzlebugs since I was 10 years old when they kept teasing me about why my parents divorced. They were like 17 & 18 at the time so you know their asses knew better. Aint nothin' more irritating than scrub ass relatives come out the woodwork to use you.

I love this thread title.

p.s. Girl don't help his ass not now not neva!!!! I don't care if he's in a 12 step or 30 step program he needs to work his own shit out. If he is sincere about trying to rebuild anything then all he need do is apologize (sincerely) and keep it moving. Truth is the fool wants something you got be it information or money or accessibility. If he calls you back and fesses up to needing help...tell him to pray on it.

DesireeNevermind said:

p.s. Girl don't help his ass not now not neva!!!! I don't care if he's in a 12 step or 30 step program he needs to work his own shit out. If he is sincere about trying to rebuild anything then all he need do is apologize (sincerely) and keep it moving. Truth is the fool wants something you got be it information or money or accessibility. If he calls you back and fesses up to needing help...tell him to pray on it.

I should give him some o' that God never gives us more than we can bare advice.

The killin' part is that last year I reached out to his daughter and we've been communicating regularly and I helped her buy a car earlier this year. She's really a good kid and single mom. So he prolly does want some moola.

SCNDLS said:

DesireeNevermind said:

p.s. Girl don't help his ass not now not neva!!!! I don't care if he's in a 12 step or 30 step program he needs to work his own shit out. If he is sincere about trying to rebuild anything then all he need do is apologize (sincerely) and keep it moving. Truth is the fool wants something you got be it information or money or accessibility. If he calls you back and fesses up to needing help...tell him to pray on it.

I should give him some o' that God never gives us more than we can bare advice.

The killin' part is that last year I reached out to his daughter and we've been communicating regularly and I helped her buy a car earlier this year. She's really a good kid and single mom. So he prolly does want some moola.

Now that's a case of the apple falling FAR from the tree. At least his kid turned out good.

I'm curious why he's asking about commercial real estate? Wonder if got himself hooked up with one of those pyramid scams. Oh well.....

DesireeNevermind said:

SCNDLS said:

I should give him some o' that God never gives us more than we can bare advice.

The killin' part is that last year I reached out to his daughter and we've been communicating regularly and I helped her buy a car earlier this year. She's really a good kid and single mom. So he prolly does want some moola.

Now that's a case of the apple falling FAR from the tree. At least his kid turned out good.

I'm curious why he's asking about commercial real estate? Wonder if got himself hooked up with one of those pyramid scams. Oh well.....

And why in Dallas? Are you moving down here??? Maybe he's trynna set it up so he can stay with me or some shit.

I see you comin', partna!

SCNDLS said:

DesireeNevermind said:

Now that's a case of the apple falling FAR from the tree. At least his kid turned out good.

I'm curious why he's asking about commercial real estate? Wonder if got himself hooked up with one of those pyramid scams. Oh well.....

And why in Dallas? Are you moving down here??? Maybe he's trynna set it up so he can stay with me or some shit.

I see you comin', partna!

OOHH yep....bet that's what it is.

Its messed up that he's taken 17 years to realize the importance of not burning bridges. Anybody I haven't been straight with in over a decade....they asses stay on MUTE! GTFO I don't need ya!

Unfortunately ole dude needs ya. He shoulda got himself together a long time ago.

SCNDLS said:

I had a relative call me today whom I haven't spoken to in 17 years. He called to extend an olive branch but did so by pointing out my part in our falling out (ummm, dude you came at me crazy and that's what you got back ).

Apparently, this new attitude comes as a result of his father recently passing. Ummmm, so if he hadn't died you wouldn't be reaching out? Please!

I've been cool these past 2 decades without dealing with you and I haven't been pining over the loss of the relationship. Really, I'm good. So why are you upsetting MY applecart with your epiphany/guilt trip???

Anybody have someone try this shit?

[Edited 11/8/10 13:39pm]

maybe he's changed since last time you saw him? (without knowing what went down last time between you two) i'd give him a chance.

My father never raised me... I met him when I was 23.

This never stopped him from judging me and talking trash about me, but I was still a very forgiving person, for my own reasons despite his sorry ass.

I never asked him for shit, even though I fell on hard times. Fuck that.

So now he drunk calls me since everyone else doesn't want to be bothered by him.

He calls me hammered saying shit like

"I... love you .... you never talk trash to me asking me for money like your siblings do!.... You need to come here to live in Flodida... you know I have diabetes... you're fat, you may be diabetic too! You need to excerise! You're too fat... you have to watch what you eat. "

Yeah.. gotta love this guy

He had an epiphany... he's gonna die alone in Florida since he ran out on his 27 year long live in girlfriend/fake wife , 2 adult sons and a daughter that's only 11... he raised them, but now has abandoned them to move to Florida to retire from being a responsible common-law husband and babydaddy.

Asshole thinks I'm gonna move down their and change old man diapers or something... he'll have to get his new undocumented girlfriend to do that.

I'm with GC on this one.... he may need a kidney.

paintedlady said:

My father never raised me... I met him when I was 23.

This never stopped him from judging me and talking trash about me, but I was still a very forgiving person, for my own reasons despite his sorry ass.

I never asked him for shit, even though I fell on hard times. Fuck that.

So now he drunk calls me since everyone else doesn't want to be bothered by him.

He calls me hammered saying shit like

"I... love you .... you never talk trash to me asking me for money like your siblings do!.... You need to come here to live in Flodida... you know I have diabetes... you're fat, you may be diabetic too! You need to excerise! You're too fat... you have to watch what you eat. "

Yeah.. gotta love this guy

He had an epiphany... he's gonna die alone in Florida since he ran out on his 27 year long live in girlfriend/fake wife , 2 adult sons and a daughter that's only 11... he raised them, but now has abandoned them to move to Florida to retire from being a responsible common-law husband and babydaddy.

Asshole thinks I'm gonna move down their and change old man diapers or something... he'll have to get his new undocumented girlfriend to do that.

he is a world class asshole.

Some people never bother to think about the future and what impact mistakes done today will have on the future- 20-30 years down the road. Your pap is ill now and all of a sudden he is in need of a daughter. Next time he mentions you moving remind him of his grown sons and the common law wife he left behind.

Gawd I'm thinking of my no good uncle now. His kids by his first wife are growing up so fast and he won't even see them.

I would proceed with caution. He is family, and there is always a chance that he is genuinely interested in renewing a relationship, even if it is in a clumsy way, and you might feel bad if it turned out he was being genuine.

But you never do know, do you? So keep your eyes open.

DesireeNevermind said:

paintedlady said:

My father never raised me... I met him when I was 23.

This never stopped him from judging me and talking trash about me, but I was still a very forgiving person, for my own reasons despite his sorry ass.

I never asked him for shit, even though I fell on hard times. Fuck that.

So now he drunk calls me since everyone else doesn't want to be bothered by him.

He calls me hammered saying shit like

"I... love you .... you never talk trash to me asking me for money like your siblings do!.... You need to come here to live in Flodida... you know I have diabetes... you're fat, you may be diabetic too! You need to excerise! You're too fat... you have to watch what you eat. "

Yeah.. gotta love this guy

He had an epiphany... he's gonna die alone in Florida since he ran out on his 27 year long live in girlfriend/fake wife , 2 adult sons and a daughter that's only 11... he raised them, but now has abandoned them to move to Florida to retire from being a responsible common-law husband and babydaddy.

Asshole thinks I'm gonna move down their and change old man diapers or something... he'll have to get his new undocumented girlfriend to do that.

he is a world class asshole.

Some people never bother to think about the future and what impact mistakes done today will have on the future- 20-30 years down the road. Your pap is ill now and all of a sudden he is in need of a daughter. Next time he mentions you moving remind him of his grown sons and the common law wife he left behind.

Gawd I'm thinking of my no good uncle now. His kids by his first wife are growing up so fast and he won't even see them.

My father will find some poor dumb woman to take care of him.... I won't be the one, I have 3 kids I am raising alone. I will only take care of the parent that raised me, he can go kick rocks, and he better ask those boys he raised, even though they are happy he's gone.

paintedlady said:

My father never raised me... I met him when I was 23.

This never stopped him from judging me and talking trash about me, but I was still a very forgiving person, for my own reasons despite his sorry ass.

I never asked him for shit, even though I fell on hard times. Fuck that.

So now he drunk calls me since everyone else doesn't want to be bothered by him.

He calls me hammered saying shit like

"I... love you .... you never talk trash to me asking me for money like your siblings do!.... You need to come here to live in Flodida... you know I have diabetes... you're fat, you may be diabetic too! You need to excerise! You're too fat... you have to watch what you eat. "

Yeah.. gotta love this guy

He had an epiphany... he's gonna die alone in Florida since he ran out on his 27 year long live in girlfriend/fake wife , 2 adult sons and a daughter that's only 11... he raised them, but now has abandoned them to move to Florida to retire from being a responsible common-law husband and babydaddy.

Asshole thinks I'm gonna move down their and change old man diapers or something... he'll have to get his new undocumented girlfriend to do that.

My dad is the same way in a nutshell. Never responsible for any of us but in his old age wanna reach out and shit. If he's genuinely changed good for him. But what gets me is mofos wanting you to sweep the past under a rug without dealing with it or acknowledging what happened just so THEY can feel better and reap the benefits of a relationship with you. Ummmm, since you're ringing my phone this reconciliation if there is one is going according to my rules or you can kick rocks.

paintedlady said:

I'm with GC on this one.... he may need a kidney.

NDRU said:

I would proceed with caution. He is family, and there is always a chance that he is genuinely interested in renewing a relationship, even if it is in a clumsy way, and you might feel bad if it turned out he was being genuine.

But you never do know, do you? So keep your eyes open.

True. But here's my issue: Even if he's totally genuine why should I feel obligated to entertain his efforts just because HE woke up one day and suddenly decided to do right 17 years later?

Do you think that just because someone apologizes for an egregious wrong that entitles them to forgiveness from those he wronged? And let's be clear, I'm not at all angry or mad, I'm mostly apathetic but kinda annoyed that he would disturb my peaceful existence to unburden himself. I dunno.

Hitting you up to co-sign that loan in 3.....2.....1.....

SCNDLS said:

NDRU said:

I would proceed with caution. He is family, and there is always a chance that he is genuinely interested in renewing a relationship, even if it is in a clumsy way, and you might feel bad if it turned out he was being genuine.

But you never do know, do you? So keep your eyes open.

True. But here's my issue: Even if he's totally genuine why should I feel obligated to entertain his efforts just because HE woke up one day and suddenly decided to do right 17 years later?

Do you think that just because someone apologizes for an egregious wrong that entitles them to forgiveness from those he wronged? And let's be clear, I'm not at all angry or mad, I'm mostly apathetic but kinda annoyed that he would disturb my peaceful existence to unburden himself. I dunno.

yeah it's not your obligation, but I have seen family rifts that were not healed until too late, and that's very sad. If any part of you wants to heal it or give him some resolution at the very least, then it's worth a chance

Unless this guy is truly not a good person, then he may have earned the right to be shunned

paintedlady said:

Hitting you up to co-sign that loan in 3.....2.....1.....

Probably! He owned several stores and lost all but one after the recession. I know he almost lost his house and lost his car too. So anything's possible.

I hope he doesn't want anything from you, I hope this works out for you. His tone described by you kinda makes me feel like someone told him to look you up. They may have seen you drive by in your new ride with those doggy tags and formed a plan....

But I tend to be a pessimist with such things since I hail from extreme dysfunction.

I say, be open until he asks for a favor, then say hell no to whatever he asks for. He should not expect anything but an emotional exchange and polite conversation after 17 years.

NDRU said:

SCNDLS said:

True. But here's my issue: Even if he's totally genuine why should I feel obligated to entertain his efforts just because HE woke up one day and suddenly decided to do right 17 years later?

Do you think that just because someone apologizes for an egregious wrong that entitles them to forgiveness from those he wronged? And let's be clear, I'm not at all angry or mad, I'm mostly apathetic but kinda annoyed that he would disturb my peaceful existence to unburden himself. I dunno.

yeah it's not your obligation, but I have seen family rifts that were not healed until too late, and that's very sad. If any part of you wants to heal it or give him some resolution at the very least, then it's worth a chance

Unless this guy is truly not a good person, then he may have earned the right to be shunned

Yup...pretty much not worth it to hold a grudge for such a long time.

eh....tell him you wish him all the best and any time he wants to talk that's cool but you don't have any money to loan him and you need both your kidneys.

forgiving is not forgetting.

SCNDLS...

* Over what sort of thing was this fallout? Was it serious? (If that's too personal a question, I understand.)

* Why do you think he's being disengenuous about reconciling? Is it merely because his approach was flaky? You already know dude isn't strong, or he'd have owned his crap 17 years ago, right?

* It may not serve some great purpose to you to reconcile, but what purpose does it serve not to?

I've had folk attempt this with me -- relatives, erstwhile friends, etc. Of course I default to the GTFOOH attitude, too, but unless they actually present some harm or are asking for things I'm not interested in furnishing them, I can rarely think of a real reason not to let them have their "epiphany" and come clean at their pace. Even if the benefit of the reconciliation is 100% his in your case what's wrong with that... especially if it's not actually costing you anything?

[Edited 11/8/10 17:57pm]

DesireeNevermind said:

eh....tell him you wish him all the best and any time he wants to talk that's cool but you don't have any money to loan him and you need both your kidneys.

forgiving is not forgetting.

What she's saying... cus, she's saying what I'm feeling 'bout stuff and thangs...

and you do not want to have dinner at his crib anytime soon.... you wouldn't want to wake up in a tub of ice in Mexico... just saying.