if kids involved then def yes. ONE chance only! trust will be hard to fix but forgiveness is possible.

if kids are not involved then no fucking way on earth.

I have been cheated on. I took him back, but I never truly forgave him and I never trusted him again. That made for a HORRIBLE relationship. Looking on how that all went, I don't know I'd ever be able to handle someone cheating on me again. Chances are, it would be over.

However, I don't think you know until you are in the situation. If we're 20 years married and have children and it's a one time occurrence and he comes clean and is truly remorseful...

Although thinking about it now, I'm not sure I could forgive even then.

It's a tough one.

CarrieMpls said:

I have been cheated on. I took him back, but I never truly forgave him and I never trusted him again. That made for a HORRIBLE relationship. Looking on how that all went, I don't know I'd ever be able to handle someone cheating on me again. Chances are, it would be over.

However, I don't think you know until you are in the situation. If we're 20 years married and have children and it's a one time occurrence and he comes clean and is truly remorseful...

Although thinking about it now, I'm not sure I could forgive even then.

It's a tough one.

That's my answer.

BklynBabe said:

Cheating is just dumb. Fo' real!

It's called "lust"...

NO!! ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTE-LY NO FORGIVENESS!!

Just like some others have said, it's about losing that trust. I just can't do it.

I HATE betrayal

If I can't trust u, I can't be with u. PERIOD.

missfee said:

CarrieMpls said:

I have been cheated on. I took him back, but I never truly forgave him and I never trusted him again. That made for a HORRIBLE relationship. Looking on how that all went, I don't know I'd ever be able to handle someone cheating on me again. Chances are, it would be over.

However, I don't think you know until you are in the situation. If we're 20 years married and have children and it's a one time occurrence and he comes clean and is truly remorseful...

Although thinking about it now, I'm not sure I could forgive even then.

It's a tough one.

That's my answer.

Mine too. I certainly never thought I would stay with a cheater.

Humans are probably thee only living thing that constanly goes against it's own nature.

I could never stay with the person. Ever. I would never let it go, and the relationship would slowly disintegrate and be all kinds of unhealthy from there.

JoeTyler said:

No. What's the point? I mean, a relationship should be finished as soon as there's infidelity...

Agreed. The reason....

No matter what, a person does the relationship math in their heads BEFORE any cheating is done.

.....hmm, am I OK with my relationship ending if I get caught doing this?

If they cheat then the answer was yes. So it's not so much that they made a mistake and should be forgiven, it's more like they didn't value what they had enough to NOT risk losing it.

JustErin said:

I can see myself forgiving if I am told about it from him. If he was caught by me or someone else told me about the infidelity, I'd probably have a harder time forgiving.

Him being with someone else is not what would bother me, it's the lie that might cause me to walk away for good.

Right on. Being honest about it is needed to forgive. Lying crushes everything.

So be an adult and be honest about it before you lie and cheat.

Cerebus said:

So be an adult and be honest about it before you lie and cheat.

Yeah, I agree but I do understand how shit happens sometimes. That's why I think coming clean about it is more forgivable.

Cerebus said:

So be an adult and be honest about it before you lie and cheat.

Right, being honest before hand is even better, but sometimes you don't know what's going to happen.

One thing my partner could also do to make it better, for me at least, is to not make any bullshit promises like she will "never" cheat or anything. Because if that DOES happen, it only hurts more because promises are broken...

Side question on this topic:

Do men tend to visualize the actual act of sex when they are cheated on? Is this why men tend to find it harder to forgive a woman for cheating than the other way around?

I've heard men say, "Wow, dude forgave her even after she let that guy beat it all up "

like her vulva was permanently disfigured or changed due to some other guy being with her.

paintedlady said:

Do men tend to visualize the actual act of sex when they are cheated on?

Now why would a man want to do that? Does a woman?

i dunno. probably. we all fuck up. depends

Tremolina said:

paintedlady said:

Do men tend to visualize the actual act of sex when they are cheated on?

Now why would a man want to do that? Does a woman?

It bothered me more when my guy had an emotional connection... the physical act of having sex was bad but not nearly as bad as the other woman learning intimate details about my relationship and me.

So during a confrontation that was what I focused on,

" how could you tell her those things about me... about us? How could you confide in her and not me??"

not "You put your penis in that!???"

Every guy I knew that had a woman cheat on him was like

"She kissed him... they had sex!!"

It is something I noticed in dealing with males friends. I know women do this also, but not as often in my experience.

I'm kinda more like a "you fucked that?" person myself. He will forever be contaminated in my eyes. Now, if there's emotional cheating on top of it, with my relationship stuff being put out there, that will just make me want to light a cheater's ass up in flames. The disrespect, the intentional disrespect on top of the disrespect...fuck that.

But seariously...the "you fucked that?" feeling would be enough to make me tell a cheater to go to hell.

Actually, when dating, I would walk away from your ass if you even looked like you were thinking about it, or if I suspected it.

If a man doesn't care enough to close the door on the possibility of me thinking that (and I am NOT a jelouse woman) then he can go fuck himself...cuz he is not gonna get to sniff my cooch ever again.

BklynBabe said:

Cheating is just dumb. Fo' real!

Why you calling me out? I ain't cheated on nobody.

LadyLuvSexxy said:

I would say no, but then I wouldn't be here if my mother decided not to forgive my daddy. I can only assume it happened way before I was born. The way dad put it (in a very, VERY short conversation), he made a very stupid mistake trying to have his cake and eating it too. My grandfather was the one who set him straight.

Mother was a very kind, forgiving person and I have that same personality in me. It happened once and I let it slide. I let this guy throw me a tired line that his e mail had been "hacked". But he told on himself. He never deleted the photos of the other girl off his account. And when I found out about them, that's all he could say. All inherited personalities aside, I gave him one more chance. I don't know if he cheated or not after that. I dumped him a year later anyway. But I felt like crap. I'm sitting there looking at naked, VIVID pictures of some tart in the email account of a man who wanted to be my husband...

So yeah, I guess it's pretty conditional with me. And since I'm fairly young, this may change. Forgiveness can only be given so many times before it's come to telling someone to hit the bricks. There's also why they cheated. Insecurity, just doing it to do it....the worse the reason, the sooner the end of a relationship may be my final verdict. It's really hard for me to say, because I've only been cheated on (to my knowledge) once. I spent a lot of time denying it in the first place.

But my fear of it is part of the reason why I'm not really fighting so hard to get into a relationship at the moment. Things seem to be able to get so ugly so fast...

I wish cheaters had some obvious aura around them that warned the honest folks.....

JustErin said:

Cerebus said:

So be an adult and be honest about it before you lie and cheat.

Yeah, I agree but I do understand how shit happens sometimes. That's why I think coming clean about it is more forgivable.

coming clean is great for the conscience of the cheater, but devastating for the cheated on.

Maybe sometimes, you just don't need to know? If it was a mistake, never to be repeated, and they don't want to fuck up your whole life together, I'd almost prefer they said nothing

anyway, I'm talking married with kids scenario, not boyfriend of 2 years.

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

Yeah, I agree but I do understand how shit happens sometimes. That's why I think coming clean about it is more forgivable.

coming clean is great for the conscience of the cheater, but devastating for the cheated on.

Maybe sometimes, you just don't need to know? If it was a mistake, never to be repeated, and they don't want to fuck up your whole life together, I'd almost prefer they said nothing

anyway, I'm talking married with kids scenario, not boyfriend of 2 years.

I'd rather know because just fucking someone else isn't an automatic deal breaker for me.

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

coming clean is great for the conscience of the cheater, but devastating for the cheated on.

Maybe sometimes, you just don't need to know? If it was a mistake, never to be repeated, and they don't want to fuck up your whole life together, I'd almost prefer they said nothing

anyway, I'm talking married with kids scenario, not boyfriend of 2 years.

I'd rather know because just fucking someone else isn't an automatic deal breaker for me.

for me neither, but once you let that third person in, they are there in your thoughts

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

I'd rather know because just fucking someone else isn't an automatic deal breaker for me.

for me neither, but once you let that third person in, they are there in your thoughts

Meh, I can get over that.

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

for me neither, but once you let that third person in, they are there in your thoughts

Meh, I can get over that.

3/4 of late night crew in the house...on a Friday no less.

FauxReal said:

JustErin said:

Meh, I can get over that.

3/4 of late night crew in the house...on a Friday no less.

I'm not happy about being home tonight.

make a thread where I can bitch about it instead of in here.

JustErin said:

FauxReal said:

3/4 of late night crew in the house...on a Friday no less.

I'm not happy about being home tonight.

make a thread where I can bitch about it instead of in here.

me neither

my SO(B) went interstate and won't be back until tomorrow touring his show

JustErin said:

FauxReal said:

3/4 of late night crew in the house...on a Friday no less.

I'm not happy about being home tonight.

make a thread where I can bitch about it instead of in here.

I wish I had gone out longer. I took off abruptly when a friend started telling me how I need to bang this 49 year old. No offense to the older folks on the boards. But she has 25 year old kids. I am 28.

I left the 49 year old to him.