I thought I would share an embarrassing, but what I think is a hilarious story with my org brothers and sisters. This story took place a couple of months ago, but I didn’t get around to sharing it until today.

One day this fall I decided to run to Target to pick up a few things as my clothes were in the dryer. It had been a long time since I done laundry and I had found myself completely out of underwear that day which is why I was doing laundry in the first place. I just put on a pair of jeans without underwear and a shirt and ran out the door to Target.

Everything was going well and I had picked out a few items and soon I found myself in the very back of the store where the board games are located. I love playing board games so I thought I would take a gander. I looked down at the bottom shelf and saw the board game “Battleship” and decided to bend over to take a look.

The method I chose to get to the ground was crouching down almost like I was getting into a catcher’s stance. Just about the time I got down where I was heading I heard a big giant tear and realized that I had split my pants. I look over and the lady next to me is kind of looking at me because she had evidently heard the rip but I decided to play it cool and I just decided to look at the game instead of checking out any possible damage. I suspected the damage might be bad, but at this time I still thought I might be okay.

Finally the lady left and I took my hand and reached around to the back of my pants, but instead of touching denim I felt my ass. I kept feeling and realized that the split started at the waistband and extended to the very bottom of my butt. Of all days not to wear underwear I had chosen the one day that I would split my pants.

At this point I realized that I was in big trouble as I was in a crowded store and my ass was in display. For a second I just froze and didn’t know what to do because I had never been so embarrassed in my life. Don’t get me wrong I have a nice ass, but I didn’t think Target is the place to be showing it off (particularly with no pants).

Finally after a few seconds that felt like minutes I decided that I needed to get out of the store pronto. I just left my basket where it was sitting because going through the check-out line was no longer an option. I started walking and soon realized that if I stood up straight and clenched my butt cheeks in it would kind of lessen the amount of ass that would be showing. I tried not to look at people as I walked for the door, but I couldn’t help but notice a few people staring and I overheard a little kid comment to his mom about the fact that I had a rip in my pants so I knew that I wasn’t concealing it very well.

I get to the door of Target and I realized that my car is in the very back of the lot. I always park fairly far away from the store as I figure it’s a good source of exercise, but God do I wish that I had parked closer that day. The parking lot was pretty crowded as there were people coming and going so I decided that I would make a run for it. I ran as fast as I could to my car but it was seriously pretty far away. I’m sure running made the fact that my ass was showing even more obvious, but at this point I didn’t care anymore.

I finally made it to my car and drove back to my apartment, but as soon as I hit the parking lot I realized that I had a problem. It was around 5:00 and the parking lot and lobby of my building were actually pretty busy. I sat in the car for 20 minutes until I thought I had a big enough opening to run all from the parking lot and up the flight of stairs to the safety of my apartment. Unfortunately, as I was turning the key the lady across the hall stepped out of her apartment. I clinched my cheeks as hard as I could, but I still have the feeling that my ass was on display.

It was embarrassing as it happened, but now when I look back I think it is funny as hell.

I took a few pictures of my pants to show you the extent to which I split my pants. This is how bad the pants split in Target as I did not tear the pants any further for effect or anything like that. I feel the window shot gives a real accurate view of how much of my ass was exposed. Unfortunately my camera isn't very good and even more unfortunately for the ladies I don’t have any pictures of me wearing the pants












Oh yeah, in the title of the thread I mentioned two pair of assless pants. Here is the story of my first pair.

I was a member of the choir of my high school and at the end of the year we would have a little party type event. Before the party we would all draw names from a hat of a person to give a gag gift to. The gifts were supposed to be funny and relevent, but not mean.

So at the party it’s my turn to receive my gift. I walk up on stage and this dude says, “We all know that The Lovemachine worship’s Prince, so I got him these so he could dress like his idol.” With that he held up a pair of pants and turned them around to reveal that the butt had been cut out of them. This was like 1992 or 1993 so the assless pants were still relevant to Prince’s persona.

I thought it was hilarious and very clever. He actually did a very good job of cutting out the butt because the pants and the hole for the butt fit me perfectly. Unfortunately the pants are buried at my folk’s house somewhere so I can’t include a picture of my official assless pants.



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[This message was edited Tue Jan 28 16:26:11 PST 2003 by lovemachine]

I just wanted to share the reason wy I think the pants ripped. I have about a 30-31 inch waist, but these pants were about size 33 and I wasn't wearing a belt. So the pants were probably clinging to my hips instead of mymidsection and since my hips are thicker it made the pants rip when I bent down. I DIDN'T get too fat for my pants

I also need to add that those were like my favorite jeans.

I got them on clearance for like $5 at Kohls, but they were super comfortable and the low pockets were unique and made my ass look great.

What a great story (even though u have not been nice to me at times, I thought I should tell u)

Next time, take ur shirt off and tuck it in the back of ur pants. U will still look silly, but not as bad.

Berry said:

But then I would be the guy in Target with no shirt on which would equally make me stand out.

~!!!

now please upload a pic of you wearing the pants, ok???

yea funny story

Heh.. I've also ripped my pants at a public place. However, it was in a dark disco and I don't think that anyone noticed the huge hole in my crotch..

I think..

Yes I changed the title and am bumping this thread up.

I spent almost an hour of total time taking the pictures, uploading them, and writing the text so I feel that it deserves more then 90 views. If I have to I will change the title to something with sex in it.

darn right it does

XxAxX said:

please?

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Maybe if it will help drum up some business

Great thread - and you have my sympathy for your plight, sir.

XxAxX said:

I second That!

LMAO and the photos only make it better.

Very Funny Story. How Embarassing for you...

Natsume said:

I agree!

Maybe you should sell the pants to Prince?

Why didnt you buy new pants in Target or a long sleeve shirt you could rap around your waist?

[This message was edited Fri Jan 30 22:00:15 PST 2004 by Christopher]

bkw said:

I kind of had that idea later, but with my ass hanging out it seemed that I was more interested in getting out.

this reminds me of the sponge bob squarepants cartoon

In your moment(s) of em-bare-ass-ment, you panicked,
and were incapable of rational thoughts...

Bkw slammed the beer in one gulp when he suggested
you buy another pair of pants while in a store
that sells pants!

In this dire emergency, a tag would have sufficed at
the register...

I laugh at your expense...

Too funny!!

CarrieMpls said:

Do you have access to the security video ? If you do I will need that back as I don't wanna see it on some video clip show on channel 45. .


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[This message was edited Wed Jan 29 15:54:34 PST 2003 by lovemachine]

lovemachine said:

Well, seeing as I work at headquarters, I could talk to someone in assets protection... But if I managed to scrounge it up, you can be sure I'll be keeping it all to myself.

CarrieMpls said: