ladies - is it wining and dining? blowjob on birthdays?

men - is it letting her wear your jacket when she is cold? flowers and chocolate?

you may surprise each other

Whining and dining.

I'm academic.

horrible word

DexterDayglo said:

horrible word

the word or all the things associated with it that you are expected to do to get some

that word engenders a mind set, so, yes.

DexterDayglo said:

that word engenders a mind set, so, yes.

tell me about YOUR mindset

oh thats simple: i shy away from extremes. I just try my hardest to be thoughtful all the time.

DexterDayglo said:

oh thats simple: i shy away from extremes. I just try my hardest to be thoughtful all the time.

that's nice

so you don't believe in Valentine's Day because it's just an exercise in commercialism?

it is for sure, but even if it weren't, i dont need to be reminded to keep the magic alive. To be fair though, married (and long term partners) folks need reminding: routine (and domesticity) dulls the magic. Been there, but you live and learn

DexterDayglo said:

it is for sure, but even if it weren't, i dont need to be reminded to keep the magic alive. To be fair though, married (and long term partners) folks need reminding: routine (and domesticity) dulls the magic. Been there, but you live and learn

what is your advice - been there and are still there (hopefully)?

No. My marriage hasn't survived the monotony, so i got no advice, save my best wishes.

DexterDayglo said:

No. My marriage hasn't survived the monotony, so i got no advice, save my best wishes.

crap.

so, not enough blowjobs and chocolates?

I have always believed in quality over quantity. How else does it not become an obligation?

Could be that is where i went wrong. Maybe marriage is an obligation, in which case its not for me.

being romantic on queue always felt like an obligation to me, and i cant trust anyone who would accept such a loaded proposition.

DexterDayglo said:

I have always believed in quality over quantity. How else does it not become an obligation?

Could be that is where i went wrong. Maybe marriage is an obligation, in which case its not for me.

being romantic on queue always felt like an obligation to me, and i cant trust anyone who would accept such a loaded proposition.

I don't know I think when if simply feels like obligation and you just don't want to do something nice for your SO any more, you came to the end of the road. That's pretty sad

A couple of bottles of champagne and some porn always works for me

ZombieKitten said:

DexterDayglo said:

I have always believed in quality over quantity. How else does it not become an obligation?

Could be that is where i went wrong. Maybe marriage is an obligation, in which case its not for me.

being romantic on queue always felt like an obligation to me, and i cant trust anyone who would accept such a loaded proposition.

I don't know I think when if simply feels like obligation and you just don't want to do something nice for your SO any more, you came to the end of the road. That's pretty sad

A couple of bottles of champagne and some porn always works for me

I prefer a joint myself, but again after a while, it starts to feel like medication. You know what i mean?

DexterDayglo said:

ZombieKitten said:

I don't know I think when if simply feels like obligation and you just don't want to do something nice for your SO any more, you came to the end of the road. That's pretty sad

A couple of bottles of champagne and some porn always works for me

I prefer a joint myself, but again after a while, it starts to feel like medication. You know what i mean?

I don't mean DIY, I mean TOGETHER

ME TOO

DexterDayglo said:

ME TOO

in that case I have NO idea what you mean

Just saying that after a while of using jay/alcohol/porn to get in the zone, they (jay/alcohol/porn) start to taste like medicine.

Any thing or gesture that's truly thoughtful generally seems romantic to me. Whether that's a traditional thing (flowers, candy, etc.) or something else entirely. In fact it's usually the something else entirely that seem even more romantic as there was more thought put into it.

But I still love flowers and champagne and all that.

DexterDayglo said:

Just saying that after a while of using jay/alcohol/porn to get in the zone, they (jay/alcohol/porn) start to taste like medicine.

I suppose if you ALWAYS have to go down that road every time, that would be true.

I think the key is changing it up all the time

i think flirting trumps romance. Its more honest and sustainable.

DexterDayglo said:

i think flirting trumps romance. Its more honest and sustainable.

Romance can totally be honest and sustainable.

CarrieMpls said:

DexterDayglo said:

i think flirting trumps romance. Its more honest and sustainable.

Romance can totally be honest and sustainable.

Semantics i know, but if it is then its not romance. Romance reeks of a fix, thats my understanding anyway.

DexterDayglo said:

CarrieMpls said:

Romance can totally be honest and sustainable.

Semantics i know, but if it is then its not romance. Romance reeks of a fix, thats my understanding anyway.

Well hello, Mr Bitter.

How is romance dishonest? If you honestly don't want to do nice things for your partner, then yes, I suppose any gesture is dishonest. But just 'cause you don't doesn't mean everybody works that way.

And no one said romance was effortless. Just because you have to put some effort it doesn't make it any less romantic. If anything, it makes it more so - Look what my partner is willing to do for me! etc.

What other people experience.

CarrieMpls said:

DexterDayglo said:

Semantics i know, but if it is then its not romance. Romance reeks of a fix, thats my understanding anyway.

Well hello, Mr Bitter.

How is romance dishonest? If you honestly don't want to do nice things for your partner, then yes, I suppose any gesture is dishonest. But just 'cause you don't doesn't mean everybody works that way.

And no one said romance was effortless. Just because you have to put some effort it doesn't make it any less romantic. If anything, it makes it more so - Look what my partner is willing to do for me! etc.

I suppose the only thing i might be bitter about is how romance has been reduced to a cookie cutter package. In the dog house? Buy some flowers/ chocolates/dinner blah blah. Romance allows us to get away with being thoughtless otherwise, knowing it can be fixed with a 'traditional' gesture. You were right when you said earlier about the little something other/extra that shows thoughtfulness (foresight and imagination). As for effort, well, therein lies the rub: it shouldn't have to an effort if its part of an organic process of loving the other. One shouldn't have to feel grateful (or touched) by the actions of a so called loved one, even if it is satisfying. Having said that: Romance is too easy, because most receipients only have a tick list of expectations. Whers the fun (and honesty) in that?

DexterDayglo said:

CarrieMpls said:

Well hello, Mr Bitter.

How is romance dishonest? If you honestly don't want to do nice things for your partner, then yes, I suppose any gesture is dishonest. But just 'cause you don't doesn't mean everybody works that way.

And no one said romance was effortless. Just because you have to put some effort it doesn't make it any less romantic. If anything, it makes it more so - Look what my partner is willing to do for me! etc.

I suppose the only thing i might be bitter about is how romance has been reduced to a cookie cutter package. In the dog house? Buy some flowers/ chocolates/dinner blah blah. Romance allows us to get away with being thoughtless otherwise, knowing it can be fixed with a 'traditional' gesture. You were right when you said earlier about the little something other/extra that shows thoughtfulness (foresight and imagination). As for effort, well, therein lies the rub: it shouldn't have to an effort if its part of an organic process of loving the other. One shouldn't have to feel grateful (or touched) by the actions of a so called loved one, even if it is satisfying. Having said that: Romance is too easy, because most receipients only have a tick list of expectations. Whers the fun (and honesty) in that?

I guess it all depends in what type of person you're dealing with.

I have friends that will give their husbands the side-eye if their hubbies show up with flowers and candy. They will KNOW hubby is up to no good or will not accept flowers/candy to fix a situation.

I am the same way. I can't be with a genuinely selfish person for the long run. If dealing with me becomes a chore (romance wise) then get the f#$$b outta my life please!

My idea of romance is the little moments that are stolen from the daily grind to bring each other pleasure. Simple stuff, stuff that takes away stress/anger/pain... etc. I use my partner as the "medicine" so to speak.

I am also realizing that as I get older, that bringing pleasure to my guy is more satisfying to me, (egotism kicks in) it gives me an emotional boost and I feel good knowing I can make a guy (especially a normally reserved stone faced dude) lose control willingly and want to allow his feelings out, even enticing him to start talking about nothing and giggling like a little kid.Stuff he NEVER does.

It is those small moments where I take and keep close to my heart. I am not married, it seems all the men I have met in the past have all stayed selfish and didn't have the desire to keep me happy. I am still searching for that type of love that lasts for the long run. I may have found it now in the current lover I have, but it is all a gamble. Its a fun ride just the same.

Romance ~ A Love Affair

... while camping a few weekends ago, Michael lit about 15 large candles around the secluded campsite and we sat by the fire with the surrounding cadles softly illuminating the woods and talked about our hopes and dreams. After 25 yrs of always having/raising kids we are now moving into our honeymoon phase ... we want to travel more and experience new and different things together

THAT is Romance

I concur ladies.