I've been suffering from loneliness ever since my mid to late teens. I'm turning 25 in two days and the feeling is just intensefying as I get older. I'm facing the serious possibility of just having to learn to deal with it for the rest of my life because it doesn't seem like it will ever change.

Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about? And what are some of the things you do to deal with loneliness?

WildStyle said:

I've been suffering from loneliness ever since my mid to late teens. I'm turning 25 in two days and the feeling is just intensefying as I get older. I'm facing the serious possibility of just having to learn to deal with it for the rest of my life because it doesn't seem like it will ever change.

Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about? And what are some of the things you do to deal with loneliness?

I soo know what your going on about, Happy 25th Birthday, .

I do things that make me happy, go to the beach, take photos, read, music in my ears, having dinner alone in a public place is a great one- shows u and others that u are worth of yourself and ur not weak. Takes a lot to have dinner alone, shows that u are happy with u...even though u might not be.

Looove this one!

Thanks

Having dinner alone in a public place. That takes some courage (as silly as that may sound). Don't know if I could pull that one off. But I'm liking your suggestions. I usually just sit in my room and either watch movies, listen to music, play guitar, write songs or go on the computer. Once a week I'll go to the record store or something. It's just getting really dull and repetitive. It would just be nice to be close to another human being for once. To have the feeling that somebody gives a shit about you.

WildStyle said:

Thanks

Having dinner alone in a public place. That takes some courage (as silly as that may sound). Don't know if I could pull that one off. But I'm liking your suggestions. I usually just sit in my room and either watch movies, listen to music, play guitar, write songs or go on the computer. Once a week I'll go to the record store or something. It's just getting really dull and repetitive. It would just be nice to be close to another human being for once. To have the feeling that somebody gives a shit about you.

I know what u mean, it sucks being lonely AND Alone.

It does but once u try it just once, u might feel a bit better about urself. The place doesn't have to be busy just that it be in public.

[Edited 7/20/10 4:13am]

[Edited 7/20/10 4:13am]

WildStyle said:

Having dinner alone in a public place. That takes some courage (as silly as that may sound). Don't know if I could pull that one off. But I'm liking your suggestions. I usually just sit in my room and either watch movies, listen to music, play guitar, write songs or go on the computer. Once a week I'll go to the record store or something. It's just getting really dull and repetitive. It would just be nice to be close to another human being for once. To have the feeling that somebody gives a shit about you.

Not only have I been to dinner alone, I go to movies alone (if it's something I really want to see), I take walks in the park alone, Hell; I've even gone to Disneyland alone. The key, I believe, is to get involved with something that REALLY interests you, and direct all your creative energy toward that.

It sounds like you're already doing many of the right things. Stay strong, you're still only at the beginning of your journey.

Voluntary work. Any type.

You have no idea how it trivialises the feeling of loneliness or(in my case) depression.

Every summer(and sometimes every two months depending on how free I'm), I work for a local hospital for the elderly. Its a very private matter to me, and I haven't told anybody about it except my husband.

The work is exhausting and without any pay,,,but then again the satisfaction that comes afterward is pricless and extremely worth it.

With 3 kids, a demanding wife, a live-in sister-in-law & niece all cramped into a teeny little house...I often WISH that I knew what loneliness feels like.

seriously

Listen...at 25 years of age, you should be celebrating LIFE, regardless of whether or not you have a significant other.

Is your job bringing you down? When was the last time you took a nice vacation? What about a pet?

...once you rid yourself of negative vibes, you'll find people drawn to you; acquaintances that become friends, and friends that sometimes turn into more. It's my firm belief that people can "feel" negative vibes, and that's a major turn-off.

Just my

PDogz said:

WildStyle said:

Having dinner alone in a public place. That takes some courage (as silly as that may sound). Don't know if I could pull that one off. But I'm liking your suggestions. I usually just sit in my room and either watch movies, listen to music, play guitar, write songs or go on the computer. Once a week I'll go to the record store or something. It's just getting really dull and repetitive. It would just be nice to be close to another human being for once. To have the feeling that somebody gives a shit about you.

Not only have I been to dinner alone, I go to movies alone (if it's something I really want to see), I take walks in the park alone, Hell; I've even gone to Disneyland alone. The key, I believe, is to get involved with something that REALLY interests you, and direct all your creative energy toward that.

It sounds like you're already doing many of the right things. Stay strong, you're still only at the beginning of your journey.

That's me as well. I don't feel lonely at all because I've been somewhat of a loner all my life. I enjoy my own company and prefer not to have a lot of people around me. Matter of fact, it makes me nervous to have too many people in my space. I have lived alone the majority of my adult life, but I do have pets, and they are a joy. If you can have pets where you live and like them, that's one of the best things you can do to alleviate your loneliness. Start a hobby or volunteer for something you enjoy doing. Are you sure it's not depression instead of loneliness? I do hope you will take some of our suggestions. Plus, you're very young, so don't think this is how it's going to be the rest of your life. Don't depend on others for your own happiness. You surely will be disappointed.

Shyra said:

PDogz said:

Not only have I been to dinner alone, I go to movies alone (if it's something I really want to see), I take walks in the park alone, Hell; I've even gone to Disneyland alone. The key, I believe, is to get involved with something that REALLY interests you, and direct all your creative energy toward that.

It sounds like you're already doing many of the right things. Stay strong, you're still only at the beginning of your journey.

That's me as well. I don't feel lonely at all because I've been somewhat of a loner all my life. I enjoy my own company and prefer not to have a lot of people around me. Matter of fact, it makes me nervous to have too many people in my space. I have lived alone the majority of my adult life, but I do have pets, and they are a joy. If you can have pets where you live and like them, that's one of the best things you can do to alleviate your loneliness. Start a hobby or volunteer for something you enjoy doing. Are you sure it's not depression instead of loneliness? I do hope you will take some of our suggestions. Plus, you're very young, so don't think this is how it's going to be the rest of your life. Don't depend on others for your own happiness. You surely will be disappointed.

That is so me in the bold and underlined most of the time. ..but back you you, like Pdogz said you are on the right track

PurpleJedi said:

With 3 kids, a demanding wife, a live-in sister-in-law & niece all cramped into a teeny little house...I often WISH that I knew what loneliness feels like.

seriously

Listen...at 25 years of age, you should be celebrating LIFE, regardless of whether or not you have a significant other.

Is your job bringing you down? When was the last time you took a nice vacation? What about a pet?

...once you rid yourself of negative vibes, you'll find people drawn to you; acquaintances that become friends, and friends that sometimes turn into more. It's my firm belief that people can "feel" negative vibes, and that's a major turn-off.

Just my

any all of the other vibes as well

I've been going thru that for a while...

The problem is that at my age, my friends are mostly married and/or have kids (a couple have grandkids), so they're busy.

The last guy I was with was always too "busy" to do a lot of things with me, so even though I had someone, I was still alone.

I met a nice guy recently, but he works 2 jobs, 6 days a week. I'd be alone again- so no.

I go to the movies, dinner and things by myself, but I also try to ask friends to go to concerts and such...

chocolate1 said:

I've been going thru that for a while...

The problem is that at my age, my friends are mostly married and/or have kids (a couple have grandkids), so they're busy.

The last guy I was with was always too "busy" to do a lot of things with me, so even though I had someone, I was still alone.

I met a nice guy recently, but he works 2 jobs, 6 days a week. I'd be alone again- so no.

I go to the movies, dinner and things by myself, but I also try to ask friends to go to concerts and such...

Too bad we don't live closer. I gave up looking for a man. I always get into trouble when I do. I figure if it's meant to be, it will happen; if not, I'm not going to stress out worrying about it. I can do bad by my damn self!

Shyra said:

chocolate1 said:

I've been going thru that for a while...

The problem is that at my age, my friends are mostly married and/or have kids (a couple have grandkids), so they're busy.

The last guy I was with was always too "busy" to do a lot of things with me, so even though I had someone, I was still alone.

I met a nice guy recently, but he works 2 jobs, 6 days a week. I'd be alone again- so no.

I go to the movies, dinner and things by myself, but I also try to ask friends to go to concerts and such...

Too bad we don't live closer. I gave up looking for a man. I always get into trouble when I do. I figure if it's meant to be, it will happen; if not, I'm not going to stress out worrying about it. I can do bad by my damn self!

We'd have so much fun!

I'm still holding out... there HAS to be SOMEone....

Id suggest you get a girlfriend theres nothing more filling than the love of a good woman.

missmad said:

Shyra said:

That's me as well. I don't feel lonely at all because I've been somewhat of a loner all my life. I enjoy my own company and prefer not to have a lot of people around me. Matter of fact, it makes me nervous to have too many people in my space. I have lived alone the majority of my adult life, but I do have pets, and they are a joy. If you can have pets where you live and like them, that's one of the best things you can do to alleviate your loneliness. Start a hobby or volunteer for something you enjoy doing. Are you sure it's not depression instead of loneliness? I do hope you will take some of our suggestions. Plus, you're very young, so don't think this is how it's going to be the rest of your life. Don't depend on others for your own happiness. You surely will be disappointed.

That is so me in the bold and underlined most of the time. ..but back you you, like Pdogz said you are on the right track

me too!

I don't think you should succumb to loneliness and learn to live with it. Instead make an effort to socialise and make friends. I know it's not easy but you have to make the effort.

Do you work/study?

If you can make only one friend it'll take you to other people from there.

p,s, i've been through the same

[Edited 7/20/10 6:33am]

short term – Cry, eat ice cream and/or watch a movie that will make me cry about something other than my own miserable state of affairs.

long term – Find hobbies that get me out of the house and around people. Some things I’ve done specifically - I joined a learn-to-run clinic, took yoga classes though community education (so really cheap!), go for long walks with my headphones and my camera, and so on.

I usually have a substantial group of close friends to do stuff with but when one or another will pair off with a significant other or start a new job or project and suddenly have less time for hanging out I find my own stuff to do. Community education classes and exercise classes are really some of the best to me ‘cause you’re learning, you’re around other people and physical activity helps pull you out of depressive states. It all makes you feel better about yourself, which in turn attracts other people, friends and potential dates alike.

Shyra said:

chocolate1 said:

I've been going thru that for a while...

The problem is that at my age, my friends are mostly married and/or have kids (a couple have grandkids), so they're busy.

The last guy I was with was always too "busy" to do a lot of things with me, so even though I had someone, I was still alone.

I met a nice guy recently, but he works 2 jobs, 6 days a week. I'd be alone again- so no.

I go to the movies, dinner and things by myself, but I also try to ask friends to go to concerts and such...

Too bad we don't live closer. I gave up looking for a man. I always get into trouble when I do. I figure if it's meant to be, it will happen; if not, I'm not going to stress out worrying about it. I can do bad by my damn self!

I like how you think; I feel the same way about men that you do.

Acrylic said:

That's a great combination right there.

BklynBabe said:

missmad said:

That is so me in the bold and underlined most of the time. ..but back you you, like Pdogz said you are on the right track

me too!

WildStyle said:

I've been suffering from loneliness ever since my mid to late teens. I'm turning 25 in two days and the feeling is just intensefying as I get older. I'm facing the serious possibility of just having to learn to deal with it for the rest of my life because it doesn't seem like it will ever change.

Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about? And what are some of the things you do to deal with loneliness?

Sounds more like depression than lonliness to me. Get some professional help if that's the case, I'm not qualified to do anything else but suggest professional help. If, on the other hand, you are just lonely, do what you're doing now, find or create a thread and post your feelings. Respond to the responses and realize that you have a lot of friends here to listen to your point of view.

I find that when you're alone involuntarily, it's usually when you do things that you normally would have done together with someone else that you feel the most lonely. So one good method is to instead focus on all the things that you normally would have done alone anyway (in my case writing, reading, photography, photo editing, all the domestic chores etc).

As others have pointed out, it is possible to do "non-alone things" alone too - like going to the movies and eating out - but that takes practice before you get used to it and might not be the best idea if the feeling of loneliness is intense.

In the longer-term perspective it's of course best to simply try to decrease your alone-time, since you feel that it's too much. Join organizations, try a dating service, take a course or any of the other usual methods.

Another little trick - that can offer quick relief - is to get to know the local store clerks. Just start up a conversation about a CD when you're in the record store for example. Next time you go there, they might feel like continuing the talk, especially if business is slow. Just make sure that you don't go to the same store so often that it gets annoying for them. They're stuck there and have nowhere to run or hide, lol.

I'm having a very hard time with this myself these days. I used to enjoy doing things alone but now just the thought of sitting in a movie theater alone makes me want to cry.

We really need to get rid of this "going to the movies alone" stigma already.

Sitting at a dark theater, reduced to immobility for hours and not even expected to speak while watching the thing might be one of the most antisocial things passed as a form of social life. I might actually feel more uncomfortable when I am there with someone.

PDogz said:

Not only have I been to dinner alone, I go to movies alone (if it's something I really want to see), I take walks in the park alone, Hell; I've even gone to Disneyland alone.

Same here. I prefer it that way. I'm alone, but never lonely.

WildStyle said:

Thanks

Having dinner alone in a public place. That takes some courage (as silly as that may sound). Don't know if I could pull that one off. But I'm liking your suggestions. I usually just sit in my room and either watch movies, listen to music, play guitar, write songs or go on the computer. Once a week I'll go to the record store or something. It's just getting really dull and repetitive. It would just be nice to be close to another human being for once. To have the feeling that somebody gives a shit about you.

Well, welcome to my life. Other than playing guitar, you just described it.

I recently moved into an apartment totally alone and have been lonely ever since. The few little friends that I continued to hang around with have either died, moved to another city, or work evenings and I mostly work days. Ever since my mother died in 2007, my brother has been the main person I would hang out with on the weekends and lately, he has been missing a many a weekend coming over.

Yesterday, I got so desperate, I even let this guy who comes to visit his father who lives in my apartment complex come in and drink and watch movies with me. The problem is, I really don't trust his ass because he looks kinda thuggish and ain't never got no cigarettes of his own. I may get some dick from him eventually and drop him later but I just hope I haven't made a mistake letting that motherfucker come inside my apartment.

Harlepolis said:

Voluntary work. Any type.

You have no idea how it trivialises the feeling of loneliness or(in my case) depression.

Every summer(and sometimes every two months depending on how free I'm), I work for a local hospital for the elderly. Its a very private matter to me, and I haven't told anybody about it except my husband.

The work is exhausting and without any pay,,,but then again the satisfaction that comes afterward is pricless and extremely worth it.

I've thought about that too. I thought about volunteering for some organization that fights for gay rights but I don't think there are any in my area....serious ones, that is.

I love old people too but I don't think I could stand cleaning up after them and changing them.

vainandy said:

I recently moved into an apartment totally alone and have been lonely ever since. The few little friends that I continued to hang around with have either died, moved to another city, or work evenings and I mostly work days.

Welcome to MY world, lol. Most of the friends I had from back in the day died back in the 80's (...and when I say "most", I really mean "ALL" ). And then I was the one that actually moved to another city. Too bad you didn't move to Brooklyn, I have a feeling we would have hit it off . Sorry for the loss of your Mom.

vainandy said:

Yesterday, I got so desperate, I even let this guy who comes to visit his father who lives in my apartment complex come in and drink and watch movies with me. The problem is, I really don't trust his ass because he looks kinda thuggish and ain't never got no cigarettes of his own. I may get some dick from him eventually and drop him later but I just hope I haven't made a mistake letting that motherfucker come inside my apartment.

You know, go 'head and do your thing, but THE DICK probably ain't worth the trouble you're inviting into your life. Hope you've got some good locks on your doors, and bars on your windows. Because with HIM; you may see DICK, but with YOU; he probably sees OPPORTUNITY.

WildStyle said:

I've been suffering from loneliness ever since my mid to late teens. I'm turning 25 in two days and the feeling is just intensefying as I get older. I'm facing the serious possibility of just having to learn to deal with it for the rest of my life because it doesn't seem like it will ever change.

Anybody have any idea what I'm talking about? And what are some of the things you do to deal with loneliness?

Sit with it, face it, don t run away from it and you might find out what s on the other side of loneliness.