Posted as a public service...

If you are a opposite-gender lover you may not know this is Gay Pride Weekend in New York. You should come join the party! But first, here are a few things you need to know before joining the fun.

If Halloween is Gay Christmas and the Oscars is the Gay Super Bowl, then Pride is Gay Fourth of July. There are picnics and fireworks and lots of drinking and it's all about freedom! Pride isn't really one single occurrence. Much like Mardi Gras in New Orleans, it is a collection of parades, rallies, parties, private events, functions, fundraisers, and bead throwing. So, one doesn't so much "go to Pride" as one "does Pride." Every gay observes it differently, but it really is the one time of the year when all the leather daddies, bull dykes, twinks, alternaqueers, trannies, drag queens, femmes, circuit boys, bois (who are actually girls), and all the other wonderful gay archetypes rub elbows in a giant celebration of living somewhere over the rainbow.

While the day is all about being gayer than Liza Minnelli singing "Single Ladies" in a Sex and the City movie, we love it when our straight allies come out and lend their support. If you want to join in, here are some handy tips to keep in mind.

• The first Gay Pride parade was really a march through the streets of New York to protest the unfair treatment of gay men by police at the Stonewall Inn in 1969. We now mark the infamous Stonewall Riots every June with a parade through town. It is no longer very political. It's mostly about corporations telling us that they're "down with the gays" and an excuse for gay people party. Don't judge us.

• In New York, the major event is the Gay Pride March, which goes down Fifth Avenue in Midtown before snaking through Greenwich village before stopping at Christopher Street, where the Stonewall Riots took place. The people who go to the parade are out-of-towners, the very young, the very old, every lesbian who lives in the suburbs, and straight people. Please go, you'll fit right in.

• OK, the real main event for the boys is the Dance on the Pier, a giant outdoors dance party on the Hudson River. There's usually a surprise performer who comes out and does a number at the end of the party. If you want to send any gay into a tizzy between now and Sunday, tell them you heard Lady Gaga is going to be at the Pier Dance.

• Seriously, every gay bar is going to be packed all weekend, so if you want a festive good time, just go to your neighborhood homo watering hole. Just watch out though, because you may walk yourself square into a theme party and not haveanything to wear!

• While watching the parade, every float will basically be either a gay group (charitable, social, activist, religious, or otherwise) or a a bunch of men wearing little clothing and lots of body glitter. No matter which of the two these are, they will be dancing to one of the same three dance remixes—probably Gaga. Once you've heard "Bad Romance" for the fiftieth time, feel free to take revenge by using the little "Gaga at the Pier Dance" trick we just taught you.

• If you're going to come to an event, even the parade, you need to work a look. Straight girls, you better not leave the house looking all half-assed, because there will be a ton of semi-drunk professional stylists walking around and they will want to read you (and if you don't know what reading is, please Netflix Paris Is Burningbefore going to Pride). Do your makeup, shave your legs, paint your toes, and thendress! But not too much, you don't need anyone thinking you're a drag queen. Boys, you'll be fine, as long as you're hot. And if you are, you should take your shirt off. If being an objectified piece of beef is the one thing you do for your gay neighbors all year, that is enough. And if you really want to drive them wild, wear a harness.

• And that goes in reverse. Never, ever, ever, ever tell a drag queen that you can do hair and makeup better than she can, even if she is wearing a ratty wig and some globby pancake makeup over two days of beard. You probably have better makeup skills, but they are way more vicious, and they will make you cry. Even at Pride.

• Yes, we know all the lesbians look like Justin Bieber. Stop telling us.

• The first places where gay people could freely congregate were bars and still, to this day, most Pride celebrations are bar centric. Just because we want to hang out at a place that is overly decorated with rainbow banners and has hot shirtless straight boys slinging drinks doesn't mean that we're a bunch of drunks. Don't judge us.

• Girls, we love having you in gay bars, even when it is super crowded and we're trying to get laid. Just one rule. No shrieking! This is Gay Pride, not a bachelorette party. And nothing makes a gay's testicles retract back into their body like drunk girls screaming.

• Also, ladies, don't show your support by making out with another straight girl. This isn't a frat party. However, if a dyke on a bike calls you her bitch and tries to jam her tongue down your throat, you'd better let her.

• Straight guys, if you want to make out with another dude, especially for the first time, this is completely acceptable—especially if you're hot.

• Oh, guys. If you see anyone that you want to remotely have sex with, it's either a fag hag or a drag queen. They will both flirt back with you, just make sure you know which is which, because one has a "surprise."

• For the last time, they are not "assless chaps." All chaps are inherently assless, so saying "assless chaps" is as redundant as saying "fingerless mittens." If you see some guy with a pasty, hairy, tush waddling around in a pair, just say "Ew!" and point. That's what the gays do.

• Lots of lesbians have children, whether from adoption, sperm donors, or previous relationships. Do not mess with the lesbians' children. If you think regular Park Slope mothers are vicious when it comes to their kids, you don't even want to find out what happens when you get between a lesbian and her cubs. Also, gay men treat their little dogs like children, so be careful of them too. Yes, it's stupid, but it's our only choice. Don't judge us.

• If you go to any sort of Gay Pride dance party and someone puts a bottle under your nose, do not inhale. These are poppers and they are a secret gay elixir. We don't want straight people knowing how good they are, so please don't try them. The last thing we need is a shortage of Rush thanks to you guys!

• We know you want to show your support, but no rainbows. Not on hats, pins, necklaces, leis, or boas. They're good enough for flags and decorations, but actually adorning one's body with a rainbow is just tacky. Trust us.

• The soundtrack for the day is stereotypical gay jams: Madonna, Indigo Girls, house anthems, Melissa Etheridge, Katy Perry, Beyoncé. Steel yourself.

• Remember, this day is all about the gays. It's like you're a Red Sox fan at Yankee Stadium. You need to just go along with what's happening. Even if you don't like it or get uncomfortable, take a deep breath and try to fit in. Every other day of the year is Straight Pride Day, and today, you play by our rules.

Feel free to stare. That's what Pride is all about. And if we were ashamed, we wouldn't be out in public like this in the first place!

http://gawker.com/5573038/a-straight-persons-guide-to-gay-pride?skyline=true&s=i

^^^ And this is why I ALWAYS avoid gay parades, yep

I've been a bad Gay and not done a Pride in many years. As old married Gays, I suppose we've gotten lazy. We did do the March for Equality in DC this past year so that should count for something.

Pride is a WONDERFUL event and definitely not for those who can't handle being our of their comfort zones. If you're an adventurous free-spririted fun-loving person I highly recommend it.

I've never been to any Pride events and I really wanna go this year, except I don't have any friends living close by that I think would go with me. Hmmm.

For a newbie pride is fun, after the second year watching people throwing up and pissing on the streets in broad daylight or watching people stepping over a passed out guy on the sidewalk at 3 in the afternoon, doesn't install much pride. But its chicago next year we can carry handguns!!!

Straight man here.

This "Guide" to Gay Pride looks too much like the "Guide" to Mardi Gras. Just substitute Stonewall with New Orleans OR Rio De Janeiro.

Just saying.

JoeTyler said:

^^^ And this is why I ALWAYS avoid gay parades, yep

Basically it's to keep boring people away. And it seems to be helping.

HamsterHuey said:

JoeTyler said:

^^^ And this is why I ALWAYS avoid gay parades, yep

Basically it's to keep boring people away. And it seems to be helping.

Nah, I can enjoy a party without alcohol and drugs (don't need them), but this kind of party of yours lacks one basic ingredient: women genitalia

I'm a native New Yorker, but am living in the San Francisco bay area. I am a straight woman, and I've never been intimidated to be around any particular "group of people" regardless of race or sexuality. If I see "foolishness and fuckery" regardless of your sexuality, I will call it out as such. The Village in NYC was always my favorite place to hang out. Everyone is warm and friendly, and I've always felt safe there after dark. As for the clubs...I've done a few. But my last experience at a Lesbian club disappointed the fugg out of me, because I saw women treating other women in a way that if men treated them like that....there would be a lot of eyeball rolling and complaining going on. Just because you may identify as being masculine or call yourself "a dyke"...does not mean that you have to act like a dick. Ok so let me get to the point.

When I lived in NY the only real "mainstream" event that took place in Greenich Village was the Halloween Day parade celebration. Lot's of gays there...tons of fun. But the Halloween Day parade usually happened on a work night, and that was a killjoy. Perhaps there were always "gay pride" events, I never got wind of any major events occurring at the time.

Now that I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, I've done Gay Pride out here. There is no gay pride events, like gay pride events in SanFrancisco (and I don't have to attend any other event to know this) What i usually do first is watch the SF Parade on TV (because I hate standing still in large crowds), and then I will jump the train to SF and go to the festivities. I have to honestlly say that I have never had so much fun in my life at an "open street" festival. There is something there for everybody. Each block has a different "theme", from political forums, to drag queens that will make you snap yo neck as you watch them while trying not to let them know that you are watching them. To the meanest outdoor "club scene" on the planet. I particularly love house music, so that is generally the section that i go to, or try to find when i go. There are also mainstream artists booked to perform.

Only downer was once I walked into a section that was filled only with men. When I got into the section I noticed that I was being stared down with the screw face by a few of the men. So I kept walking through to see what everybody was looking at (because they were all starring in one direction). So I get there and theres a big screen TV with Man on Man porn. I thought that was just tasteless, and only served to confirm negative sentiments. Where is it ok to publically display porn? That should not be what "gay pride" is about. I was offended, turned off and disgusted at the same time. This is an event for everybody, not just some skeezy men who want to get their rocks off in the middle of the day on a public street. What the hell is wrong with people? After I made it safely past them, I yelled at them and called them classless fuckers, and then I disappeared into the crowd.

Every race, every nationality, every socio-economic group was there in representation. From politicians to your regular Joe Smoe. I had a ball. I did not go this year, but definitely plan to attend again soon.

johnart said:

I've been a bad Gay and not done a Pride in many years. As old married Gays, I suppose we've gotten lazy. We did do the March for Equality in DC this past year so that should count for something.

Pride is a WONDERFUL event and definitely not for those who can't handle being our of their comfort zones. If you're an adventurous free-spririted fun-loving person I highly recommend it.

Johnny, you're right about the old married Gays. When Andrea and I went to Fruit Fest, we didn't see any of our long ago friends (or her roommates).

I made sure I was "did." Even went to the nail salon that morning. I looked great - but I forgot about the neighborhood the fest was being held in. Oh, man - I needn't have bothered.

I'm sure Davina (my gurl MCing the drag show) appreciated the effort, though.

This was my FAVORITE line... I cant stand screaming stupid girls, probably one of the main reasons why I dont go to bars very pretty much, EVER...

"Girls, we love having you in gay bars, even when it is super crowded and we're trying to get laid. Just one rule. No shrieking! This is Gay Pride, not a bachelorette party. And nothing makes a gay's testicles retract back into their body like drunk girls screaming."

Other than the location specific pieces the guide could be used for any pride in the nation. I skipped pride this year but as an 18-year fruit fly in good standing I've attended my share over the years.

Instead, I celebrated my straight pride by spending the entire weekend with my (now official) boyfriend.

And all of my gays are so proud of me!

CarrieMpls said:

my (now official) boyfriend.

JoeTyler said:

HamsterHuey said:

Basically it's to keep boring people away. And it seems to be helping.

Nah, I can enjoy a party without alcohol and drugs (don't need them), but this kind of party of yours lacks one basic ingredient: women genitalia

The female genitalia is there it just doesn't want your male genitalia.

HamsterHuey said:

CarrieMpls said:

my (now official) boyfriend.

Genesia said:

• Girls, we love having you in gay bars, even when it is super crowded and we're trying to get laid. Just one rule. No shrieking! This is Gay Pride, not a bachelorette party. And nothing makes a gay's testicles retract back into their body like drunk girls screaming.

Nothing makes MY testicles retract back into MY body is a drunk girl shrieking.

... and I don't even have testicles.

Gay bar, straight bar, club... whatever.

Just. Don't. Do. It. Bitches.

Ahhh, Pride.

Gay men patting my "Snooki-poof", Dragasms in my panties (or lack thereof), and glitter as far as the eye can see.

Don't get no better.

johnart said:

JoeTyler said:

Nah, I can enjoy a party without alcohol and drugs (don't need them), but this kind of party of yours lacks one basic ingredient: women genitalia

The female genitalia is there it just doesn't want your male genitalia.

That's what I wanted to say. But I got tired all of a sudden. I mean, I predicted that George Michael was queer long before everybody ever suspected.

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Acrylic said:

Genesia said:

• Girls, we love having you in gay bars, even when it is super crowded and we're trying to get laid. Just one rule. No shrieking! This is Gay Pride, not a bachelorette party. And nothing makes a gay's testicles retract back into their body like drunk girls screaming.

Nothing makes MY testicles retract back into MY body is a drunk girl shrieking.

... and I don't even have testicles.

Gay bar, straight bar, club... whatever.

Just. Don't. Do. It. Bitches.

Ahhh, Pride.

Gay men patting my "Snooki-poof", Dragasms in my panties (or lack thereof), and glitter as far as the eye can see.

Don't get no better.

WTH is a "snookie-poof"?

HamsterHuey said:

johnart said:

The female genitalia is there it just doesn't want your male genitalia.

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Impossible dream

then again, Better the devil you know and Vogue are two personal favorites, so

johnart said:

JoeTyler said:

Nah, I can enjoy a party without alcohol and drugs (don't need them), but this kind of party of yours lacks one basic ingredient: women genitalia

The female genitalia is there it just doesn't want your male genitalia.

JoeTyler said:

HamsterHuey said:

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Impossible dream

then again, Better the devil you know and Vogue are two personal favorites, so

johnart said:

JoeTyler said:

then again, Better the devil you know and Vogue are two personal favorites, so

He's gayer than I am.

JoeTyler said:

HamsterHuey said:

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Impossible dream

then again, Better the devil you know and Vogue are two personal favorites, so

Hey Joe. I think i'ts London Pride this wknd. I still don't have a date...

HamsterHuey said:

johnart said:

The female genitalia is there it just doesn't want your male genitalia.

That's what I wanted to say. But I got tired all of a sudden. I mean, I predicted that George Michael was queer long before everybody ever suspected.

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Did anyone ever think he wasn't?

vivid said:

HamsterHuey said:

That's what I wanted to say. But I got tired all of a sudden. I mean, I predicted that George Michael was queer long before everybody ever suspected.

JOE TYLER! COME OUT! WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Did anyone ever think he wasn't?

(shuddup, john)

I was a child/teen girl though...

PositivityNYC said:

vivid said:

Did anyone ever think he wasn't?

(shuddup, john)

I was a child/teen girl though...

Poor Toni's gaydar never developed.

Genesia said:

PositivityNYC said:

(shuddup, john)

I was a child/teen girl though...

Poor Toni's gaydar never developed.

LAWDGIVEMETHESTRENGFFFFTOKEEPMAHMOUTHSHUTTTTTT

johnart said:

Genesia said:

Poor Toni's gaydar never developed.

LAWDGIVEMETHESTRENGFFFFTOKEEPMAHMOUTHSHUTTTTTT

OMG!! The good ol' days.

ha ha, y'all...