so, i audtioned a lot of bens, had some false starts, FINALLY got one who is young enough (23), capable of playing a role i had no idea was so difficult to play until i started hearing actors attempt it, and who looks appropriatly dweeby. all told, i have probably been through/auditioned about 30 bens at this point.

now, everybody and their dog who didnt get the role and friends of actors i did cast are like "hi, can you write me a role in the cycle?" in emails and seeing them in person.

NO, GODDAMMIT!!!

it's not a freaking free for all where i am just going to write anyone who wants in a fucking part.

god, i am glad i quit acting. i never realized how annoying actors can be until i was officially on the other side of the auditioning table.

cborgman said:

well, I guess I won't ask..

bluesbaby said:

the worst part of it is they want to tell me stories about how they are just like ben or kevin, the two gay characters in the show, or how kevin's story or ben's story reminds them of themselves or whomever else.

i can't tell you how many stories i have heard about dead friends, being in love with a straight guy, being terrified of human contact, not understanding how to love, being molested as a child, and everything else those two characters span.

it kills me because as empathetic as i am, it is really hard to have to sit there with a nuetral look and try to remain officious.
[Edited 5/11/10 22:28pm]

cborgman said:

this sounds terrible, but I have developed a low tolerance for people who are grown up and still rely on their victimization as a child/teen to excuse their behavior now. Guess its good I am not with a church right now...people bug me, lol.

and this is also why i don't think i am ever going to be able to direct any of the shows in the cycle. aside from me not trusting my ability to correctly direct material that i am SOOOO close to (most elements in the cycle being something from my own life i have semi-fictionalized), i am not going to make it through 5 fucking shows of having to deal with this.

i had one go into a 10 minute monolgue about his being molested as a child, and how it made him perfect for the role of kevin. i couldn't bring myself to stop him, but the whole time i was silently pleading for him to stop, as it was just killing me. i am way too empathetic.

i love them for it, but i dont need more personalization of these themes. i wrote the plays as cheap therapy and a way to express my own pain. i can't handle everyone turning me into their therapist via the plays.

cborgman said:

and if they had taken an acting class, they would know that to go beyond your comfort zone is to take the emotion from it, but leave your own crap behind..its a character, it is not you...you plug into your resources of emotion, but you don't have therapy as a role.

bluesbaby said:

they do it in the purest way you can imagine. i guess because they see how much the cycle is me taking my own life and pain and bleeding it out as art, they think it will make me want to cast them more if they bleed out the same way to me. and all it does is make me feel terrible for not casting them if they arent good enough.

god bless em, the ones that are observant enough to realize that kevin is based on me, and not ben (as would be the natural assumption as ben is the lead) really start pouring their hearts out. because kevin (and i) grew up in foster care, i had one tell me about his childhood as a foster kid and how miserable it was.

maybe it's selfish of me since i am artistically exploiting my own pain, but i just want to scream PLEASE STOP, YOU ARE BUMMING ME THE FUCK OUT.

i think i am jst going to start taking the stance that it's all fiction with the exception of noel's murder... that one i cant get away from as it is so ingrained in the first play, and a natural question almost everyone asks when they read or see it.

i am also gonna have to start getting real anonymous once this hits production. i am already sick of "i am so sorry for your loss" and hugs and such. i mean, part of me loves it, as it means i did my job as writer well, but it freaking kills me as a person, because as empathetic as i am, i just internalize their pain.

this is exactly why i had to leave behind a career in journalism. after years of columbine, matthew shepard, 9/11, and such, i was sitting there crying throughout the newscast towards the end of my run.

bluesbaby said:

well, yes and no. depends on which technique you use. for people that use sense memory or method, it does factor in.

cborgman said:

that would do it! I commend you on so much creative work, and using (if you will) the life you have had to create such rich characters.

cborgman said:

I once was doing an oral interpretation--I can't remember the categories for that anymore..but it was two of us (this just sounds better and better),..for a speech tourney in college..and the piece was from 91/2 weeks. The coach had us method acting for weeks before hand, so by the time we did the interp. we were those people. I had to crawl on the floor to pick up pennies...so demeaning..but we would process individually with the coach--not with each other...thankfully I trusted that guy, or else it would have seriously screwed me up.

This thread is way to serious. So, write me a role already. You know you want to.
Do it. (I was never hugged as a child )

bluesbaby said:

thank you.

i already started asking the actors to keep my answers private when they ask how close the corralation betweeen the world i am creating and my world are. it helps them to know, because all of the 5 plays reflect that same bridge between reality and fiction since ben is writing all of it within his head, but i am gonna stop answering these questions to anyone but them once we hit production.

it's bad enough just from the auditionees, let alone once we get audiences. i can already see i am going to have to get real anonymous with the audience if it is already bothering me this much with just the auditionees. nothing and i mean NOTHING scares the crap out of me more than strangers wanting to touch, talk frankly to, or hug me. that's part of why i moved away from acting, and for years before then perfected entire systems of avoiding meeting audience members. it used to drive the other actors and directors nuts, but i am really uncomfortable with strangers running at me with arms spread and fawning.

and these plays, while i love them and love the reaction, is really going to bring that out in people. during the last staged reading of "gaging noel" i sat in the light and sound booth during and after the show because i could see the people crying once they found out noel is dead. a few of the actors we used in the staged reading introduced me to weepy eyed friends and family, and it was really uncomfortable. these shows just make people want to pour their hearts out to me, and i really am not equipped to deal with it in a positive way. it's different when i know someone personally, but when i dont it just freaks me out.

bluesbaby said:

oh, yea... method can be really terrifying. i always found it a bit psychotic, but it works for other people. in austin, i had a role that almost undid me playing a really abusive asshole under a very method director, which brought up a lot of stuff from my past. ultimately, it was one of my better performances, and the best review i ever got, but i almost had a nervous breakdown getting there. i was really happy once the run of that show ended.

kewlschool said:

the absolute worst is going to be once we get to the fifth and final, as it is going to mean having to find a 9 year old who can hold their own against 5 actors who have been doing these roles for years, AND act the pain that character is going through in having everyone in his life die, save ben, who is the last person you would want as a surrogate parent as cold, distant, and terrified of life as he is.

i can only imagine the miserable auditioning experience that is going to be, having to hear kids talk about how they relate.

oh, and
[Edited 5/11/10 23:24pm]

cborgman said:

You really like me!!!!

kewlschool said:

if the friends of the actors really love the craft they would be acting and not doing what they r doing, they just want to be able to say they r in a film.




write a mass email and sent it out stating to not email you as they will not be read etc etc.

How ya been?

cborgman said:

I have to say, I'm really looking forward to seeing all these staged. What I've read so far is very, very good.

Sorry about the actors bugging you, though. Screw them; we've all got sad stories.

You need to get cold blooded about it.

Be like "Look, you have some skills, but I just don't think they work for me. I tell you what. I know this guy, who knows this guy who is directing an updated, more urban, version of Fiddler on the Roof at the Parsippany Community Dinner Theater. Imagine Fiddler with a little bit of Rent thrown in for good measure. I think you'd be perfect for the role of Tevia. Would you like me to reach out to my contact on your behalf? Set aside 10% of your wages for me and I might be able to work something out. Deal?"

That will shut them up.

cborgman said:

cborgman said:

you may find it easier...though the kid won't realize that..because the kid won't know HOW to articulate to you the identifying qualities of the role..They will just act it with an eerie understanding..not fully understanding why it is so comfortable or easy..

http://www.hbo.com/true-b...d-pam.html


I'm really inept at posting videos, but I hope this one makes you laugh.

It's a take on the auditioning process.

It isn't the actors' fault. You're asking them to pour out their souls and, basically, establishing a very deep relationship with them - at an audition, no less. No wonder they're getting ideas.

1. Why are you talking to them about your process? They're actors. The process shouldn't matter to them - unless you're workshopping everything. In which case, they're readers - only. Make them feel like collaborators and they're going to expect you to include them in the process to the point of writing them in. Which they've done, apparently.

2. Have you chosen a director yet? Because it sounds like you're doing the casting on your own. If you haven't chosen a director, are you saddling him/her with a cast that's been pre-chosen? That's asking a lot of a director. As you said yourself, you are too close to the material to be objective in casting. You want to cast on acting skills, not on whether the person has "lived" the material. The more a person has lived something, the less likely they are to be able to act it. Or, at any rate, to be directable. Because who is any director to tell them how their experience went down - or how they should play it? See where I'm going with this?

3. Why are you even giving them the opportunity to air their sob stories? Make them read from the script. Or, if you really want to hear them do a monologue, tell them it must be from a published work in a similar vein. Make yourself a placard of the immortal words of Billy Sparks, "The stage is no place for your personal shit!" and live (and cast) by it. Otherwise, you're gonna have all kinds of unwanted subtext being played out on that stage. And you'll end up with something no one's going to want to watch because it's just too much.

Just as the actors shouldn't be privy to your process, their process (as actors) shouldn't matter to you. At an audition, it's about whether you feel they're up to the work - as actors. Not as stand-ins for you. Period.
[Edited 5/12/10 10:16am]

this is really about Parker Posey, isnt it.

Efan said:

thank you.

quite a bit different from "gaging", huh?

missmad said:

good, despite the lngthy bitchy posts.

Stax said:

when it was a musical, i described one of the songs i didnt like as sounding like rent as written by lerner and lowe, which really pissed the music writers off.
[Edited 5/12/10 11:42am]

Nothinbutjoy said:

i love true blood

Genesia said:

mostly because the line between fiction and reality is important to the plays. the lines between my reality and the plays is parralel to the line between ben's reality and the existance he is writing around him.

they are a part of my process too. i have been very encouraging of their feedback, ideas, and such, partially because i trust them (several being friends) and because i want them to internalize these roles big time, as most of them will be playing them for years if permanently cast.



we have one who is interested, and he is letting me choose the reading cast. he knows some of the roles were written for specific actors, but also knows he has the final word. he and they know the reading is kind of doubling as an audition for them, as it is there chance to impress him and keep the role beyond the reading. he has been very receptive to working it this way, partially because he is not commited beyond the first show, and knows that since some of the characters (ben, danni, jeff, kevin, and noel) span the entire cycle, that we need to find actors who are going to stick with it and be very commited to getting these roles right.


actually, the roles are going to be tailored to them significantly, as the growth of the characters over the 15 years these plays span is essential, and they are difficult roles. as well, their process and my process on this piece are intertwined as these and the experience is significatnly different from the standard.