I know it's a horrible thing, but it happens, I've read it on sites about grief and wanted to know what you guys thought, and whether this has happened to you and how you got over it.

How is it horrible? It's not like the dead person cares.

It isn't so healthy for the angry one, though.

I think it's normal. They left you behind.

Anger is a natural part of the grief process ~ nothing wrong with it unless you use it as an excuse to act out or get stuck so deep in the phase it cripples you

I agree that it cripples you too and you start to think outside of yourself with thoughts that aren't yours cause of being too hurt and beside yourself.

Mach said:

I totally agree.

Mach is right. It's part of The Stages of Grief.

# 1. Denial and Isolation.
# 2. Anger.
# 3. Bargaining.
# 4. Depression.
# 5. Acceptance.

but what scares me is getting emotionally cut off from the person now that I'm close to healing, like forgetting all the good memories and feelings, is that supposed to happen?

alphastreet said:

It's not being cut off, it's accepting what has happened. Memories never die, and you'll always have them. And because they're good memories, your body will react to such. You'll feel warm, and loving, and you'll have endorphins race through out you give you pleasure when you think of this person and the good times. You'll always love them too. It's just at this point, there's no one to return it....not directly.

alphastreet said:

This page may help you to understand your process more

http://www.charminghealth...ieving.htm

alphastreet said:

Accepting what has happened and healing won't make you forget. When I reached this part of the grief process I was able to remember and be happy instead of all the memories making me sad.....I think there will still be moments of sadness but just not as many.

ernestsewell said:

I feel so scared that it is, like I'm tainting them and being mean and bitter about them, no matter how much joy there was. But then I do have moments when they are back. I just sometimes feel like losses turn one mental hehe

I will definitely check out that site. I just checked it out and it's more informative than other sites, thanks
[Edited 5/11/10 9:52am]

Mach said:

Someone I'm close to seems to be going through this, and the anger has been directed at me enough times that if it happens again, I'm going to have to hurt her feelings.



But enough's enough. I can't allow another person's pain to be used as an excuse to lash out at me when I haven't done anything wrong.

PunkMistress said:

Exactly


Best wishes with it

I got mad at other people too and avoided them on purpose, and even snapped at a few, and one nicely put me in my place. I no longer want to live like that though I was doing it but it's really hard.
[Edited 5/11/10 10:08am]

I am at the anger stage right now. I just keep to my self most of the time and only occassionally take it out on that bitch at work

ernestsewell said:

The stages of grief were actually originally designed to address the stages that someone goes through that has been told they have a terminal illness. They were later adopted to address grief that someone might experience after having lost a loved one. There is some controversy surrounding this adoption to address survivor's grief as it is felt there are actually more stages a survivor goes through and that a survivor might not experience some of the stages that are listed in that model. Here is a website that lists 7 Stages of Grief: http://www.recover-from-g...grief.html

This is the more preferred model when dealing with a survivor because it addresses more accurately other steps.

alphastreet said:

alphastreet, check in your area (local hospitals are usually good) to see if there are any grief support groups that you can go to. It helps to attend these support groups because you will find people there in various stages of grief who can help you to understand where you are at in the grieving process and who will normalize what you are experiencing. It can give you a venue in which you can vent your anger (because the majority there have probably felt it), to discuss your memories, to cry if you need to, and to learn to laugh again when you are ready.

yes chile I was so angry when my sister passed!!

I was angry at her for not taking care of herself
I was mad at my family for not helping her out and putting demands on her
I was mad at myself for not realizing how much help she needed
I was mad at all the people that showed up to the funeral when they weren't there to help her when she was alive
I was mad at her for leaving me her child to raise and not having her grown children in a position to raise themselves
I was mad at people for bugging me when I needed time to grieve
I was mad at the hospital for letting her die, and then just not even taking care of her properly afterwards
I was mad at my brother for being the biggest dickwad
I was mad because I didn't get to say goodbye
I was just so mad at the whole situation

Hell, I'm still mad, because I miss her so much!

I even say, when I get to heaven, there's gwan be a ruckus "why you leave me?"
I do remember all the good times though, and I work through the depression part, which is actually worse to deal with. It's just how it goes when you lose someone you love, it's hard. I hate how people act like you should just get over it in a certain time frame or whatever. It sucks. Especially when it changes up your whole life plans.

BklynBabe said:

This was good for me to read.

Sometimes (often) I forget to put myself in another's shoes.

Thank you.

BklynBabe said:

sorry about your sister, the stuff you are going through sounds accurate