http://www.novaslim.com/2...-lifetime/



The Skinny @#$%$
This strain of Black gay is typically very young (“green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.



The Homo Thug
The Homo Thug’s days are numbered since this is a group that usually patterns itself after trends in Hip-Hop, and the thug image is slowly fading. However, this image is still a selling point in gay porn and a popular refuge for closeted men. He usually has archaic notions about Black male sexuality and equates “thug” with masculinity. He is disrespectful, self-hating, and needs to pull his pants up.
Activities: Hiding, lying, saying “I don’t do that gay ish”, smoking weed, being ignorant, having kids, having a limited vocabulary, not returning calls, breaking hearts.
Diva of Choice: Lil’ Wayne
Top or Bottom: Outdoor Top/Indoor Bottom



The Big Boy
These teddy bears are sweet, loving, warm and always horny. The lines between a good meal and good sex are often so blurred that any conversation involving “meat” will simply have to be taken in stride. He is way more confident than you think he has a right to be, always has a date (because he looks “healthy”), he’s funny, and will give you anything in the world as long as you are consistently *$%# his brains out.
Activities: Calling skinny @#$%$es “skinny @#$%$es”, cooking, hugging, making inappropriate double entendres, grabbing.
Diva of Choice: Jennifer Hudson
Top or Bottom: Bottom.



The Muscle Queen
They roll in packs and only date each other. You never see them during the winter months because they are in the gym 24/7. Come summer, he’s wearing the smallest tank-top or the tightest t-shirt. Don’t bother lusting after him, because you do not exist in his world.
Activities: Making fun of fat people, lifting weights, talking about lifting weights, accusing skinny people of being sick, dating white guys, bumping into people, being penetrated.
Diva of Choice: Creatine.
Top or Bottom: Power Bottom.



The Church Queen
In spite of the Black church’s reputation for homophobia and intolerance, you will find that a number of Black gay men make the church the cornerstone of their social interaction, perhaps out of a sense of familial or religious obligation, or simply because the choir is so fierce. The Church Queen is usually loyal and loving, but is prone to Tourette-like outbursts of “Jee-suss!!” in any given situation. He listens to gospel music constantly and considers Loretta Divine his spirit animal.
Activities: Cooking, talking loud, clutching his pearls, singing, being called “mother”, being single, speaking with a southern twang even though he’s from the midwest or the northeast.
Diva of Choice: Karen Clark Sheard
Top or Bottom: Sanctified Bottom.



The Uppity Snob
He is educated, has a six-figure salary, a nice car and a big house, but nothing is good enough for him. He will throw dinner parties with his Coven Of The Articulate and they will all wear hard-soled shoes regardless of the season, time of day or theme. When he’s among other types of gays, he will roll his eyes, sneer, or attempt to oppress them intellectually. In spite of all his accomplishments, he’ll never be happy, can’t take a joke and never laughs. He can usually be found in the club wearing a blazer and sipping a cocktail against the wall.
Activities: Debating, sighing, having a small penis, having furniture delivered, going to the spa, being offended, finding excuses to use any word that requires a schwa.
Diva of Choice: Whitney Houston
Top or Bottom: Bottom.



The Alterna-Queen
He doesn’t like the “gay scene” because he finds it “too mainstream.” You can find him a coffee shop with his MacBook Pro listening to underground Soul or Hip-Hop, writing poetry and waiting for someone with whom he can debate the oppression of goats and librarians. He often accuses people of “not getting” him and reactively dislikes anything that everyone else likes. He’s basically “The Uppity Snob” but with dreadlocks.
Activities: Poetry slams, debating, having his locks re-twisted, blogging, shopping at outdoor markets, calling himself a photographer, quoting Marcus Garvey, dating white men.
Diva of Choice: Some @#$%$ you never heard of.
Top or Bottom: Top for white guys, otherwise bottom.



The Old Queen
The Old Queen has seen everything and done everyone. He thinks you’re frivolous and that you stole everything from his generation. He will say things like “in my day, the men were men” and “remember when House music was House music?” He is short of patience and doesn’t want to hear your whining.
Activities: Knowing everything. Remembering everything.
Diva of Choice: Stephanie Mills, Teena Marie, Chaka Khan or Luther Vandross.
Top or Bottom: Like it even matters.

...and then there's me. I'm not any of those lol

Alterna-Queen
Diva of Choice: Some @#$%$ you never heard of.
Top or Bottom: Top for white guys, otherwise bottom.

Lawdhammerceeeee!

johnart said:

Now that IS hilarious!!!!


Lot's of bottoms on that list. Tsk Tsk!!!

I didn't know the uppity snob resides in PR.
[Edited 2/28/10 23:20pm]

http://gawker.com/5472263...e=true&s=i

Makes me think of an old Smith lyric:

the words you use should be your own
don't plagiarise or take "on loans"
there's always someone, somewhere
with a big nose, who knows
and who trips you up and laughs
when you fall
who'll trip you up and laugh
when you fall

- Cemetry Gates.

I started laughing so hard towards the bottom of the original post. I really can't breathe right now. I gotta save this.

johnart said:

"Sanctified bottom"

So. No black tops?

Dayum.

I think I know at least one of every type!

And I noticed there weren't too many "tops" either...

(I am sending this to my best friend! )

mimi07 said:

it must be fading very slowly. i see plenty of this on a daily basis.

OMG! I'm so glad I saw this thread! I love this

I'm sending it to my bestgayfriend now, cause I think he has been all of these except for "The Big Boy" at some point in life

thekidsgirl said:

So, he's a bottom?

HamsterHuey said:

Aaaaaand...over to you, johnart. (We had this conversation about Gawkers Guide to Gay Men.)

Genesia said:

?

Diva of choice: Creatine

The music artists for Diva of Choice had me dying

I've met all these black gay types except the santified bottom!



SANTIFIED BOTTOM!



I've met plenty of white chruchie gays though. Many closeted and Republican. But you just know .



I saw some documentary somewhere that portrayed the American black gay experience as being quite a bit tougher than that of other communities or subsets of the gay community. They are often seen as not belonging to either the gay community (through racism, sometimes overt) and to the black community (which in America remains tightly nit and religious).
It must take a lot of strength for them to work it.

Cute.

Not altogether accurate, but I'd likely be assumed as the Alterna-Queer with Uppity Snob tendencies, and the Afrocentric veneer and overall contempt (i.e., all the interesting stuff ) bred out.
[Edited 3/1/10 7:49am]

Aerogram and I once did an Org gay field guide. Lots of fun. Wish I could find it.

TheVoid said:

meh. i think its the same for all gays all the way around.
in fact, from what i have been exposed to, i find it more common to raise a child as being open gay in the black community than any other in America.
As for the gay community, I can see clearly where cultural differences would play a huge factor, gays are typically catty,cliquish, and territorial from the onset. But not anymore so than other groups with common interests.

Lammastide said:

oh, Aerogram, I liked him a lot!

This is some super funny sh*t.

Cuddles said:

R U flirting with me?

garganta said:

What about me!?!?!

Lammastide said:

We don't know, we never seen pics!

Lammastide said:

oh, i like you very much as well