I think with every other relationship you are losing/giving away small piece of your heart..that means with another break up you're starting to lose interest in giving your heart to someone else, because you're afraid there's possibility it won't last long again.. Have you ever felt this way and do you have this "barrier" that keeps you away from giving all your best because you fear of another broken heart or not?

zaza said:

I WISH I had that, and I tend to fall for guys who have it.....Maybe it's the challenge. I dunno.

But I'm sick of relationships anyway. I hate playing games I hate people who play games. And it seems to come with the territory all to often.

I have casually dated a handful of men and would say I’ve been in love twice.

These days I have given up trying to find someone (if I ever really did). Fear of getting hurt is part of it, sure. But mostly the benefits don’t outweigh the risks. I’m happy on my own, I don’t meet men I’m interested in and I really hate “dating”. I’d rather go about my life and do the things I want to do and not worry about it. If I happen to meet someone while I’m going along doing my thing, great. If I don't, that's great too.

zaza said:

the best advice I was ever give after a break up was simple..."Life is about change." You can spin that any way you want it, but its true....

you learn to adjust to it...when it comes to love, your options are limited...you can go in half hearted and never get from it what you deserve or want (or deny your partner the same) or you can go all in and risk being hurt...love can be its own reward but it can cause serious pain too...it's the risk you take...but it can be so fulfilling and wonderful, that for me atleast, it's worth the risk and the pain that it may bring...

I guess I've been very fortunate in that I've never suffered such pain that eventual happiness didn't overshadow it...

CarrieMpls said:

I like your attitude.

Gimme it.

thejason said:

Nice

I assume you are talking a serious relationship... I have had 4, (3 not extremely serious but exclusive) with the last one being my husband and we have been married 23 years this may

I never felt the way you described, But then I dont tend to dwell on the negative... I was sad when a relationship ended but I got over it quickly and moved forward... I knew it wasnt the end of all relationships... I figured if it didnt work then it wasnt meant to be... I had one guy break it off with me because i wasnt ready to sleep with him, I figured it was his loss

If my marriage were to end now I would be devastated, but ive been with him for over 25 years.. I also wouldnt be afraid of getting out there again... One person just isnt worth making me that miserable and depressed...

IDK, either im a cold fish or I refuse to let anyone have that much control over my life... I have been told I have control issues tho
[Edited 3/31/10 7:25am]
[Edited 3/31/10 7:26am]

Zaza, I suppose what you said is one way to look at it. But it assumes love and (intelligent) vulnerability are in limited supply. They needn't be, of course.

I've had only one real romantic relationship, I'd say. But I had a previous... hmm... let's say psuedo-relationship that ended up in an excruciating mess of emotions, failed faulty expectations, broken delusions, etc. I was jaded, and I still am leery of some aspects of relationship, but you move on and remain open because 1) not everyone you'll meet has the same baggage, hangups and propensities toward drama and hurting/being hurt you've seen; and 2) when/if you encounter that person, and you also choose to leave all your own baggage behind, the rewarding chemistry can be SOOO worth all the shit you went through in the past.

There are no guarantees you'll cross paths with that person, of course, but I've at least found the possibility worth not completely walling myself off. Some others definitely would disagree based on their own experiences. I respect that as well.
[Edited 3/31/10 9:22am]

tinaz said:

It was definitely his loss

zaza said:

I couldn't even count how many.
But i don't agree with that take. At all.
I think it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to the possibility of finding love.
And yes, if you're been burned (as we all have at some point) it could be difficult to try again. But what's the alternative?
I don't regret any of the relationships i've had, because i'd like to think that i learned something from all of them that will hopefully one day help me in the relationship that i'm supposed to be in.

You can't win the game of love, if you don't play.

ButterscotchPimp said:

EXACTLY!

ButterscotchPimp said:

Being happy alone.

Why don't people consider that a viable, realistic option?

I have had enough relationships that failed to know that your heart grows back. The pieces that you feel you lose when a relationship ends, come back and you are left wiser from the experience.
That is how I feel anyways.


If you are ready it will happen, if not then like Carrie said, there is nothing wrong with being by yourself.

I have never been one to let a broken heart keep me down for long. I just figure what is meant to be will be.

i can't give my true answer to this question.

CarrieMpls said:

I think that's TOTALLY realistic!

I've pursued only one person in my life. Otherwise, I expected to be alone, and I was completely satisfied with it, though I remained open to "playing the game" if someone took an active interest in me. It's worked out well... not in an altogether orthodox way given who I am , but well.
[Edited 3/31/10 9:24am]

whistle said:

Spill it!

I've had over 50 lovers, but only one real long term relationship.

CarrieMpls said:

Oh, i'm totally happy alone. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy.
And the older i get, the more comfortable I am being alone.
And the more I take the lessons i've learned and apply them to new people I meet.

I just don't think the more you try, the more of "your heart" you give away.
If I find a long lasting relationship? Great.
If i don't? Well, that's fine too.

zaza said:

Yes, but you come away with a piece of theirs so it's all good.

As to the pain, I think it's like childbirth - take enough drugs and you get through it, and then you the memory fades and you jump right in again.

my first answer would be - I have had about 15 "relationships" ....

then of course the number grows ... or "lessens" depending on what you would call a "relationship" ...

I have had some gals i DID NOT sleep with /get kissy kissy with etc... that i dated .... and i really liked ... but they /we moved or moved ON .... that I am still friends with (so is that a relationship???) ....

and I actually have one past lover (who i was kissy kissy with but not much more) who doesnt hardly remember me I think .... so is that a relationship?

tough to say . when people move on or break up >>> i always viewed it as "one door closes another opens etc " ... I remember vividly telling myself "i will never find anyone " and then kinda mentally slapping myself and saying "when you least expect it , it will just happen " .

vivid said:

You have a thing for childbirth don't you?
Do you watch one born every minute?

florescent said:

We did! I am glad I watched it after giving birth.


That is one thing that I have done in my life that I only want to do once.

tinaz said:

Boy do I hear you on that.

I'm just newly single and although I'm 39 (and the gayers like 'em young), I have far less fear about getting out there again than I did 10 years ago. I'm actually enjoying dating for the first time - it's all a bit queer.

MrsMdiver said:

I could be pregnant and give birth over and over. I actually really loved it. It's the looking after babies part that I don't like

florescent said:

I looooove that programme!

florescent said:

your kids use profanity, they play with knives and sing questonable lyrics to songs...
all under your watch...

vivid said:

I knew you would.

florescent said:

Well, do it when you are reallllly close to 40.
No, actually, I did not enjoy being pregnant, though I knew I wouldn't. I did not like my body changing and being less bendy.
I was pregnant longer than most since he was 17 days overdue. It got really old.

I am glad I did it once but as you said, it is a lot to take care of once they have arrived.

thejason said:

You bugger!!

But yes - I can't deny it.
You make it sound so much worse than it actually is!

and