Im so sorry about your sister...my husbands niece died after an undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy...(id only asked was she pregnant a week or so before it )

it really is a personal thing...i didnt want children, til i turned about 28 and got real clucky...took 2 tries to fall pregnant..i was lucky

nein, danke. one of me is too many.

whistle said:

does that mean no? lol...

dancerella said:

yes, it does.

I never ever wanted children until I was about 34. Before that I was married and did not want any with my partner. Both of us decided to just have dogs and enjoy our freedom.
When I turned 34 and that relationship was ending, I realized that having a baby one day might not be such a bad thing. I had always thought if I did change my mind to have a child that I would adopt.
Then I remarried, we decided that we wanted to have a child together but we did not want to "try". We wanted it to just happen and if it did not happen then it was not meant to be. About 3 weeks later, I was pregnant.
We knew the whole time that we were only going to do it once. we both decided that if we wanted another one some day, we would adopt. I had our son when I was 38. I said that I did not want to be 40 and pregnant.
So now we have our little boy, almost 6 months old now. He is wonderful, beautiful and perfect. We have taken steps to reassure that we do not get pregnant again.
Though I feel so blessed with our boy and love him more than anything, I am glad we are only doing this once.

It is always a personal preference.
Now a days women are having healthy babies later in life.

All I can say is that you need to really think about what you want and discuss it with your husband.
For us we discussed it at length, even when we made the decision to let nature decide, it was still scary.

Being pregnant and having a baby enter into your life is a HUGE thing.

MrsMdiver said:

Thank you so much for sharing your story! That is pretty amazing. I am giving myself about 3 more years before I decide it might be too late. Luckily as you said many women are doing it later in life so I think around 38 might be my cut off. I'm pretty healthy as a dance instructor/choreographer so it should be ok if i decide to. It's such a hard decision and i'm scared after what happened to my sister. I just hope I will be ok whatever I decide.

prb said:

Thanks for writing. My sister was about 4 months pregnant when she passed.The other horrible thing is she left behind her daughter which she had 5 years before.

Congrats on having one. Is it everything you hoped it would be? What if someone wasn't really born with maternal instincts? (me, i think)? Do you think all women should have kids just because that's the way we've been conditioned to think? I am so confused but am trying to find the truth in the near future.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister.

My story:
I wanted children more than anything in the world.
But physical problems that led to surgery in 2008 have made that impossible. I went thru a period of feeling really sorry for myself because I felt like "less than a woman" because I couldn't get pregnant.
At 42, I still get weepy sometimes, but I'm dealing much better.

Honestly, I don't like when people tell me to adopt. Adoption is a wonderful thing for people who want it. But it does not take away that biological yearning I had to carry my own child.

I think it's a blessing if you are able to have a baby.

chocolate1 said:

dancerella said:

Thank you..that is so awful about your sister, i can truly understand your reluctance.

But at the end of the day, it is ultimately your decision.

Does your husband want kids? did you ever discuss it before you got married?

I'm sorry to hear about your sister.

My story:
I wanted children more than anything in the world.
But physical problems that led to surgery in 2008 have made that impossible. I went thru a period of feeling really sorry for myself because I felt like "less than a woman" because I couldn't get pregnant.
At 42, I still get weepy sometimes, but I'm dealing much better.

Honestly, I don't like when people tell me to adopt. Adoption is a wonderful thing for people who want it. But it does not take away that biological yearning I had to carry my own child.

I think it's a blessing if you are able to have a baby.

prb said:

My husband is a little older than me and now all of his friends have kids so naturally he does want one but he has been great and supportive about not pressuring me since he knows how delicate the situation is. I feel terrible because I might not be able to give him what he wants but at the same time i can't do something if it doesn't feel right for me. I take this so seriously so I need to be sure I really want it first. I was so young when we got married that strangely we never talked about it until about 2 years ago after 9 years of marriage.

I'm into breeding generally - have bred lots of little furry lives over the years, but it is unlikely that Erik 319 and I will ever be able to concieve. Still, I havent' given up all hope.

Ok I know this is a deeply personal topic but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm married but strangely have never felt maternal, however in the past couple of years i've been thinking about it a lot. I'm really torn. Part of me wants to experience this because starting a family would be a beautiful thing but on another hand I think it may not be for me as an artist and just like being free to do whatever,however, whenever. I also lost my only sister a few years ago to an ectopic pregnancy which has left me devastated and turned off to the whole idea. My question to you guys is how many of you don't want children? For those of you that have children, do you think would I seriously regret it later on? For me it's deeper than just not wanting them. I have to deal with the whole ordeal with my sister. I'd love to hear anyone's opinion on the topic. If I decide not to, is it ok? or will people look at me as selfish?

they are unlikely to fill the "void" in you (if you are feeling any such thing)
they won't fix any marital issues, though they sure will compound them!
as an artist children are an endless source of frustration but on the other hand incredible inspiration

vivid said:

I think you and I could spawn something lovely.

ZombieKitten said:

See, this is exactly what I'm afraid of. As if I need any more of that.

minneapolisgenius said:

I never understood why ppl had kids thinking it would help their relationship. Having a baby does test your marriage. If you are already connected and in a good place, it certainly brings you together and makes your connection stronger.
If I did not love my hubby so much, it would be very frustrating looking at my little man and seeing his daddy in him. They are like identical twins, I love it!

I've just turned 39 and recently had a similar conversation with my wife (soon to be 35). I'm definitely having some sort of mid-life crisis and have all sorts of stupid shit going on in my head at the moment. My wife has never wanted children and still does not, is definitely not going to change her mind. This had never been an issue for me, every now and again we would mention it as people around us started families but we have both been 100% honest and agreed it was not for us.

BUT I recently began believing that I really do want them after all (all brought on by ageing and losing family members that meant so much linked in to childhood memories etc etc.) so I told her and the convo did not go well understandably. It nearly destroyed her to know I was thinking this, and she has told me in no uncertain terms that if I do then it won't be with her. All very upsetting as we have been together 13 years, married for 7 and love each other. Although we are OK now having discussed it round and round. I don't think I necessarily backed down but acknowledged that my thoughts were ultimately wrapped up in the dreaded mid-life crisis. I'm very scared that if I decide I really do want kids then our marriage is over.

Not sure how relevant that is to your situation, but it illustrates how there are no hard and fast rules in life, love, relationships and/or whether you should have a family. It is kind of expected still if you are married (family and peer pressure can have a bearing but should not make you decide just cos it's the done thing). As others have said only you really know what you want.

MrsMdiver said:

I have never EVER behaved this badly before I had kids, being tired and in (mostly constant) disagreement breeds bad tempers and resentment - you let your worst side show and it's NOT pretty

ZombieKitten said:

This is definitely the toughest inner turmoil I'v ever experienced. I'm still looking deep into myself and trying to work out what the hell is going on and whether to let the head or heart rule. Unfortunately the heart decision is also interlinked with the head decision (meaning I know how dumb it would be to throw a loving marriage down the pan, and then not even know if I would meet someone else, who wanted kids, and even whether or not me or a.n.other would be able to conceive). never has the cliche "it's complicated" seemed more appropriate.

MrsMdiver said:

I have never EVER behaved this badly before I had kids, being tired and in (mostly constant) disagreement breeds bad tempers and resentment - you let your worst side show and it's NOT pretty