I'm writing this to you all in hopes for advice on something personal.. I need your opinions... This is my story... The last five years me and my mom and dad have been trying to help my younger brother (age 19) battle his addiction to drugs... We have been through a lot with him.. my parents raised us very well they have been married 30 years and still love each other.. unfortunately my brother fell into the wrong crowd in high school and a severe addiction to drugs started.. he for some reason always felt the need to be approved by his friends and be popular.. anyway me and my family went through many of interventions with him and it all seemed to start strong but like many addicts they are very good at hiding things.. Soon after the 3rd intervention at age 18 he volunteered to be in patient at a drug rehabilitation center.. that year was the best year because my brother did stay sober for the longest he had ever been in the last 3 years.. need less to say a year later at age 19 he got arrested for selling to a undercover cop and even with no previous records got sentenced to a year in prison..I have battled so many demons these last couple of years.. and through it all Ive had so many hurtful things said to me I never knew I could learn to forgive (my brother is my only sibling and i would do anything in this world for him I love him so much) This year has started very well for me and my family I just got word that my brother will be released at the end of this month.. I have been strong and have gone to visit him every other weekend for a year... so much has changed in him that I can see the true him! and as i sit hear and try to recall the last time I truly have seen that person my true brother(i remember now he was 15) .. but like human nature I still have my worries for him when he gets out .. I know its not wise to harbor things when dealing with someone with a disease.. But I dont want to give my brother back to his demons (drugs). Why I'm writing this is.. I was wondering if anybody on here has ever dealt with an addiction or someone who has an addiction.. I would love some advice anything helps.. I'm ready to start building a new relationship with my brother again (ive forgiven myself and forgiven him for his past mistakes) I'm blessed everyday because I know drugs didnt take my sibling from me (I truly think if he didnt go to prison he would have ended up dead his addiction was that bad) I have a new outlook on this new chapter of my life thats about to start.. (I truly cant believe how far he has come) Anyway thanks for reading all this ....

Any advice or words of encouragement?

orgnote

AndGodCreatedMe said:

aww thanks

ZombieKitten said:

I don't have experience with siblings or drug addiction in my family.
All I have is an ear to lend (or eyes in this case) and this
[Edited 3/10/10 21:53pm]

johnart said:

that means a lot thanks so much your a sweet heart It just feels so much better just to write it all down sometimes (how odd it is I know)

luv4u said:

[Edited 3/10/10 22:03pm]

oh wow I've never been through this

but orgers are here if you want to chat.

Orgnote

Hey there

This is a real tough one because the paths each person takes when trying to come out of this cycle are so vastly different. I don't want to come across like a psychologist or all touchy feely, but I do have some experience with this issue. For the friends and family I have had this experience with, my sense is there always seemed to be one over-arching component that kept folks returning to the scene of the crime.

Guilt.

Again, I can not speak for anyone else and have no proferssional expereince in this matter, but most of the folks I knew who were caught up in an addiction to drugs or alcohol really wanted to break the cycle, but had difficulty due to more than their physical dependency. Many wound up putting mountains of undue pressure upon themselves because they felt like they had let everyone down. The eyes of the world were constantly staring at them with disappointment for what they had "done".

For some, they realized how stupid/wreckless they were being almost immediately after the problem was discovered and had no trouble cutting off their ties. In these cases, they had to go stone cold sober and never look back.

Others thought they could get away with sneaking a nip here and there denying that they had it under control. Eventually, the first thing that went wrong, they were right back at the bottle and/or other things.

So here comes the touchy feely part. It makes a huge difference to know you (or in this case your brother) are loved. If he comes out and feels the world is against him he could very well slip right back into bad habits. But don't coddle him either. If you sense your brother needs tough love, give that to him too.

Again, each person is going to respond differently. Most people are going to want to avoid this topic like the plague out of embarrasment etc, "I know I screwed up but I got it under control - leave me alone". Ultimately my advice would be for you and your parents to hit it head on with him. Briefly but with tough love. If you talk to him about it every day it will become overkill and he will probably tune you out. I'd sit him down one time as a family and tell him directly, people make mistakes all the time and this is something we can all overcome and get through together.

I could go on but already feel like I'm rambling. Hope this helps....

Wow....
Right now I can offer and

I don't have any personal experience with this but just wanted to say you're brother is lucky to have you in his family. Good luck with all of this.

A good friend of mine lost his brother to drugs.

What kind of drugs is your brother into? Is he still addicted? (Most addicts get worse during prisontime). Has he ever tried rehab?

Fenwick said:

I truly appreciate you taking the time to write this and thanks for the nice words of encouragement

chocolate1 said:

thank you hun that means alot!

Efan said:

such nice words thank you very much thats very sweet of you!

KoolEaze said:

He was heavy into cocaine and ecstasy... he has been in rehab 2 times and prison has been the best thing for him he had enough time to realize what he did to himself and others and hopefully this can be a new outlook for him and he stays the person he is now.... and I'm sorry about your friend

missmad said:

thanks so much

insatiable3 said:

You´re lucky that he isn´t into heroin. Cocaine and ecstacy are bad enough but not as dangerous or addictive as heroin. I´m surprised that he didn´t have easier access to drugs while he was in prison.
Now´s the time when he´ll need you the most...it´s not easy for an ex-convict to find his place in society....be there for him when he needs you, help him find a job or apartment, and make sure he doesn´t slip back into his old way. Many people act when it´s already too late and have to live with regrets but I think it´s always up to the individual to decide which way he wants to go....it´s not fair that other people have to live with regrets if they´ve tried their best to help. And that time, in your case, is right now. If that doesn´t work, then there´s noone to blame but himself...as tough as that sounds, it´s true.

I wish I had some advice for you but you seem to be doing and thinking the right things. I wish the best for your brother and hope he stays clean.

KoolEaze said:

your absolutly right I have come to the conclusion that I wont ever give up on him he is to young and has to much life left to enjoy... I wanna be the person that is there for him and will help him through whatever he might be going through when he gets out...

Shorty said:

thank you so much I hope so too It seems that he is a different person now lets hope it stays that way and thanks for your support it means alot!

I know they have al-anon for the family and friends of alcoholics but I don't know if they have narcanon. maybe you can check out alanon. It's good to be in a room of people who have come to terms with the fact that they can bring a horse to water but they can't make him drink. Also, addicts, WITHOUT MEANING TO , can take those around them down with them.

I have a lot of experience with this. My story with my brother is very similar almost to the tee as yours.

It sounds like what you have been doing is the best and is actually really admirable.

I'm embarrased to say but, I am not as supportive to my brother as you are. You seem very forgiving and that is wonderful.

There are things I absolutely have not forgiven and I talk to my brother about once a year and he only lives about 45 minutes from me.

I really respect your approach and think that your support, sadly is all you can give him.

Keep up the good work!

Unfortunately I have a similar story to tell. I put my little brother in rehab, paid thousands of dollars for treatment (I'm now knee deep in debt with his hospital bills), I wanted to be his hero but ultimately I only enabled him further. After many years of struggle I've finally made peace with the fact that I can't help someone that can't/won't help themselves. My brother and I are both the products of a drug addicted/alcoholic father. Choices were made. He took the same route as my father and I chose a different route. I have not seen or talk to my brother in over two years. I wish him well and I love him but there's nothing else for me to do. I guess the only advice I can think of giving is that you should not enable him, make excuses etc. He needs to grasp that no one is coming to save him. He needs to make the effort to save himself. Maybe try Alanon for yourself. It's for family and friends of alcoholics. AA for none users if you will. Most of the Alanon members also have drugs in their background. Addiction is addiction I guess. You'll need a support group for you so you can stay sane if things start getting heated with your brother again. I wish you the best of luck!

Lots of people in this situation have pain in their past. Keep in mind you are not responsible for his actions. He needs to take ownership. You can blame the past/parents/situations all you want but at a certain point people have FULL CONTROL of their lives and the choices they make are their own. Do not receive judgment and guilt for whatever he has gone through. I love that you are willing to love him but that might have to also involve leaving him to his own devices and choices if he does not take this opportunity to stay straight. If he chooses to go back to drugs, you can try to help him but don't ruin your life just because he wants to ruin his own.

I wish you the best and a support group would probably be helpful for you

TotalANXiousNESS said:

thanks so much your very sweet its nice to talk to someone who has been through what I have. for the longest time I held in a lot of hate for him... he stole so much from me and my parents I couldnt even make a list.. he missed my wedding a year ago because he got sentenced to prision ( that one was the hardest to forgive) and I can tell you Ive been told over a 100 times to my face how he has hated me.. because i didnt support his habbits..I now know seeing him sober the past year it truly was the drugs talking... he has wrote me over 50 letters apologizing for all the things he has done to (some of them I didnt even remember till he reminded me) I truly hope that what he promised to me he keeps.. I have truly felt like ive been the only child for the longest time..
I hope also that you stay strong girly and know that your brother will realize the choices hes made and someday come around and thank you for letting him realize what he has lost... thank you for all of your kind words

TheResistor said:

thank u