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PrintableOttensen said: JustErin said: Oh come on, Ottie. You know I am as chill as they come. I just always talk like that - you should know that by now.  Okay, fine, my readthebitchiness meater is totally off tonight. Yes, I do know how chill you are, and I was having an evil grandma -wanna choke somebody moment because I was hungry . I have promptly treated myself to a Carribean dinner so I'm all open to evry'thing and evry'body, and we can all throw our fucks around ev'ry which way now... ..okay maybe that last part doesn't sound right given the thread topic, but, yaknowhaddamean  You can still choke me anytime.  | |
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JustErin said: Ottensen said: Okay, fine, my readthebitchiness meater is totally off tonight. Yes, I do know how chill you are, and I was having an evil grandma -wanna choke somebody moment because I was hungry . I have promptly treated myself to a Carribean dinner so I'm all open to evry'thing and evry'body, and we can all throw our fucks around ev'ry which way now... ..okay maybe that last part doesn't sound right given the thread topic, but, yaknowhaddamean You can still choke me anytime. Wish I could, but I gave up my sadist inclinations for Lent  | |
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There is not shame in being single just as their is no shame in wanting to be married and having a family. It seems to me, we've sometimes put both parties in a bind, they must adhere to our alignment of the universe and feel the need they must explain their choices. I'm not sure why some think Monique's candor about a choice/decision she's made about her marriage is wrong or threatening. If that's something you can't do don't accept, I totally understand. 
===== [Edited 3/10/10 14:11pm] | |
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DesireeNevermind said: uPtoWnNY said: 
Why even go through with the charade? Everyone knows the deal. Weird. That is the million dollar question and the $5 answer is probably this: For all the talk about honesty and openess and how supposedly unrealistic it is for people to be monagamous..even though other animals (and other human couples) are able to do it...people still want the idea of what marriage is and what that title represents. Also, there is no reason whatsoever that Monique couldn't have her exact same arrangement with Hicks and not be married to him. She wanted that title, she wanted to be Mrs. somebody and a lot of trifling ass women are like that. You have chicks out there who will wed a lying, cheating, beating man just to say they've got a ring and that they are a wifey - not saying Monique's man beats her or lies to her but hey, if she's given him the okay to cheat then the rest of that stuff is no doubt included in the fine print of their marriage contract (this is her 3rd marriage so obviously the badge of honor is important to her). Some dudes are like that too. They want the title of husband, hero, savior, daddy, and all around hard working man when the reality is they aint nothing but a dick with a marriage license. I get on the one hand people like their titles and labels, but on the other hand why not just wear the right title and label and own that shit! If you like a person's personality and being in their company but you know you will always be itching to play on another's court...then don't join the team...be a free agent and play when you want with who you want. There are lot's of confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes out there...aint no shame in being single and free to mingle but there is shame in pretending to respect the sanctity of marriage and then go troll hunting. The funny thing is....if she had kept her mouth shut on this arrangement, nobody would be saying shit. If this is all for publicity then it's a damn shame somebody would rather have a negative spotlight than no spotlight at all. If this is an arrangment to protect Hicks b/c maybe he's gay and not able or ready to come out of the closet then again....keep ya mouth shut about having a cheating pass! carry on!  Space for sale... | |
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TD3 said: There is not shame in being single just as their is no shame in wanting to be married and having a family. It seems to me, we've sometimes put both parties in a bind, they must adhere to our alignment of the universe or explain their choices. I'm not sure why some think Monique's candor about a choice/decision she's made about her marriage is wrong or threatening. If that's something you can't do don't accept, I totally understand.
What alignment of the universe? You mean the one that says either be single and screw around freely or be married and faithful to the person you claim you want to be married and faithful to? It's interesting that she allows her husband to cheat but then says he's so fine she wouldn't cheat on him cuz no other man can compare.  Low self-esteem is just one of her problems. She's only been married since 2006, betcha this song and dance changes over the next 5 years. | |
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You guys, there are a lot of reasons to get married. Tons of legal benefits, but more than that, it's how society recognizes people as a family. That MATTERS, even in the world of open relationships. It means something to people, as far as commitment. A marriage doesn't have to be monogamous to be a committed family relationship.
It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves. "What's 'non-sequitur' mean? Do I look it up in a Fag-to-English dictionary?" | |
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What has been said that make you guys think that this man is Gay ? | |
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banks said: What has been said that make you guys think that this man is Gay ? I saw a special the other night where he was interviewed and the first thing I thought is he is family. If he is or not, I don't care. If he is, marrying a gay best friend is no big deal to me. I was engaged to marry my friend when we were in our early 20s. | |
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Vendetta1 said: banks said: What has been said that make you guys think that this man is Gay ? I saw a special the other night where he was interviewed and the first thing I thought is he is family. If he is or not, I don't care. If he is, marrying a gay best friend is no big deal to me. I was engaged to marry my friend when we were in our early 20s.I agree...there's nothing wrong with best friends getting married. I guess my only issue is the perceived deception. The fact they are trying to play this off as a happy go lucky straight marriage. Space for sale... | |
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tackam said: It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves.
That's the price you pay for being a celebrity. You put your business out in the street, folks will comment on it. |
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banks said: What has been said that make you guys think that this man is Gay ?
Not what he says.....I've seen this guy in and around town. No doubt he is gay. | |
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tackam said: You guys, there are a lot of reasons to get married. Tons of legal benefits, but more than that, it's how society recognizes people as a family. That MATTERS, even in the world of open relationships. It means something to people, as far as commitment. A marriage doesn't have to be monogamous to be a committed family relationship.
It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves. For me, I have major concerns about the African American community and it's rampant homophobia that is leading to a disproportionate increase in AIDs/HIV cases among our community. It's the root of the whole DL phenomena. I wouldn't have give a lick if it wasn't for this but we (meaning us black folk) need to have a series conversation re AIDS education and every time I see a sista with an obvious gay male it makes me cringe or want to cry. So while I accept your arguement and concede that there are people who do have happy open marriages, I hope you can see where I (and others) are coming from too. Space for sale... | |
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tackam said: You guys, there are a lot of reasons to get married. Tons of legal benefits, but more than that, it's how society recognizes people as a family. That MATTERS, even in the world of open relationships. It means something to people, as far as commitment. A marriage doesn't have to be monogamous to be a committed family relationship.
It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves. As far as legal benefits...there are also negative repercussions and sometimes costly ones. Monique has more assets than her husband and by marrying him she has opened herself up to a potentially costly divorce or even a bad business arrangement (ask Melba Moore and Anita Baker). Let's look at some of the benefits Monique would potentially enjoy whether she was married or just dating this dude: Joint parental rights of children (she will have this whether married or not. parental rights supercede marital rights - how do you think birth parents are able to come back and challenge adoptions.) Joint adoption (again...not required for marriage in all states...ask Brad and Angelina) Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions (trusts and living wills and other legal documents can take care of this. you can also bar someone from "next of kin" status at hospitals even if they are your blood relative. if a person has a DV order against a spouse then "next of kin" is not recgonized.) Also, some hospital staff are so laxed in that any person can walk in and say they are the spouse or relative of so and so and gain access. Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains (this is not allowed of non-married couples and can be potentially a sticky situation if the deceased had other wishes or if extended family questions the cause of death.) Immigration and residency for partners from other countries (well we've all heard about folk gettin' paid to marry someone foreign and make them a resident. Not sure but I think this benefit is being challenged.) Crime victims recovery benefits (this benefit is changing to potentially recognize domestic partnerships. also, if I'm not mistaken, it's not an automatic thing as benefits are provided after the partner has paid for expenses and exhausted other benefits e.g. insurance and soc. security.) Domestic violence protection orders (you don't need to be married to have this either, boyfriends and girlfriends have been able to obtain DV orders as well as blood relatives.) Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will (again...potentially dangerous if Monique were to suddenly die and it was later found out that Sidney abused her....he'd still get everything and other interested parties would have to endure a drawn out court battle.) (These 3 as far as I know are non-contestable and with the exception of veteran's , I believe the other two have designees which means that you can put down say an child as the recipient over a spouse but if there is no designee it automatically goes to the spouse.) Spousal veterans benefits Social Security Medicare I merely attempt to point out that some marital benefits aren't really benefits in the grand scheme of things and that for a woman who has failed twice at marriage...these benefits and the societal perception of a married woman are not good enough reasons to give ya man a cheatin' pass. Where is her dignity? What woman in her right mind having financial independence wants to let a man run around on her and have access to her money and her business? She's been divorced twice so why the need to get married again and risk the same things all over again? Halle (also twice divorced) could give a fuck and she invested in a restaurant for her baby daddy. This Monique thing just sounds like another Terry McMillan drama....cute gay dude with big dick marries cash cow/hag. | |
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So Monique and her husband are gay? Not that it matters to me, but I guess that would explain why she would marry a gay man, if this is indeed true.
I saw the Barbara Walters interview about the open marriage, and I wasn't completely buying it. Her body language and facial expression screamed insecure like a big dog. I agree with Deseree and Harleopolis(?). Something just ain right. But if she's happy, continue on with the delusion... | |
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sosgemini said: tackam said: You guys, there are a lot of reasons to get married. Tons of legal benefits, but more than that, it's how society recognizes people as a family. That MATTERS, even in the world of open relationships. It means something to people, as far as commitment. A marriage doesn't have to be monogamous to be a committed family relationship.
It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves. For me, I have major concerns about the African American community and it's rampant homophobia that is leading to a disproportionate increase in AIDs/HIV cases among our community. It's the root of the whole DL phenomena. I wouldn't have give a lick if it wasn't for this but we (meaning us black folk) need to have a series conversation re AIDS education and every time I see a sista with an obvious gay male it makes me cringe or want to cry. So while I accept your arguement and concede that there are people who do have happy open marriages, I hope you can see where I (and others) are coming from too. Sure, but that's not so much an issue about open relationships. Being with a dude on the DL is more of a problem if the relationship ISN'T open, because you're assuming you're safe when you're not. People in open relationships know they're at higher risk and act accordingly. And if the rubber breaks when you're with somebody else and you're open, you can tell your partner. If the rubber breaks when you're "monogamous" and lying about it, you have an incentive to pretend it didn't happen so as not to expose your cheating. "What's 'non-sequitur' mean? Do I look it up in a Fag-to-English dictionary?" | |
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uPtoWnNY said: tackam said: It's not a charade. I mean, I don't know Monique, I don't know why she got married, but I do know that some of you are making a lot of assumptions that people should feel free to question for themselves.
That's the price you pay for being a celebrity. You put your business out in the street, folks will comment on it. I don't care if people talk about Monique, but people aren't just responding to her situation, they are talking about relationships in sweeping generalizations. "What's 'non-sequitur' mean? Do I look it up in a Fag-to-English dictionary?" | |
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tackam said: sosgemini said: For me, I have major concerns about the African American community and it's rampant homophobia that is leading to a disproportionate increase in AIDs/HIV cases among our community. It's the root of the whole DL phenomena. I wouldn't have give a lick if it wasn't for this but we (meaning us black folk) need to have a series conversation re AIDS education and every time I see a sista with an obvious gay male it makes me cringe or want to cry. So while I accept your arguement and concede that there are people who do have happy open marriages, I hope you can see where I (and others) are coming from too. Sure, but that's not so much an issue about open relationships. Being with a dude on the DL is more of a problem if the relationship ISN'T open, because you're assuming you're safe when you're not. People in open relationships know they're at higher risk and act accordingly. And if the rubber breaks when you're with somebody else and you're open, you can tell your partner. If the rubber breaks when you're "monogamous" and lying about it, you have an incentive to pretend it didn't happen so as not to expose your cheating. I hear ya. Space for sale... | |
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DesireeNevermind said: TD3 said: There is not shame in being single just as their is no shame in wanting to be married and having a family. It seems to me, we've sometimes put both parties in a bind, they must adhere to our alignment of the universe or explain their choices. I'm not sure why some think Monique's candor about a choice/decision she's made about her marriage is wrong or threatening. If that's something you can't do don't accept, I totally understand.
[b]What alignment of the universe? You mean the one that says either be single and screw around freely or be married and faithful to the person you claim you want to be married and faithful to? It's interesting that she allows her husband to cheat but then says he's so fine she wouldn't cheat on him cuz no other man can compare. Low self-esteem is just one of her problems. She's only been married since 2006, betcha this song and dance changes over the next 5 years.What I'm saying.... A lot of people/society appears to get angry, annoyed or feel threaten when they find others aren't living lives which aren't conventional or the cultural norm. I'm with Tackam, a lot of people are making assumptions and generalizations: I'm taking what Monique and her man have decided at face value. What is it or isn't I have no way of knowing, will it work or not I don't know that either. People promise fidelity too and how is that working out for most people? Being in love, relationships, marriage,....it's complicated.
===== [Edited 3/12/10 8:08am] | |
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I have to say Desiree put this thread on lock. | |
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Harlepolis said: I have to say Desiree put this thread on lock.
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