Hmm... ordinarily, no.

I'm a shy person, and I'm reserved. I'll flirt and possibly imply, but I like being asked. I usually don't make the first move, or let someone know how much I like them.

Lately, that's been changing a little bit.

When I was single, yes. I never was good playing the "game" men and women were suppose to play. I didn't have time nor patience, if I like you or thought you were interesting I'd ask a guy out in a minute.

I asked a guy out a few months ago through email, then felt sick to my stomach. Then he made me wait a month before following up. I found that to be rude and gave up. He was probably making sure it was a platonic/friendship date. One clue: he chose having lunch on a work day rather than getting a beer. He seemed to enjoy it though when we did finally meet up. But I had to shake it out of him and it was exhausting.

Then recently, I asked anther guy out casually online and he didn't respond. Then he contacted me later about something totally unrelated.

My first relationship, I did the asking and made the first move -- although he was a hell of a flirt that brought me to that point.

I did tonight! He said yes Though to be fair, he asked me out first initially & we've been out a couple times, but otherwise he seems too shy to make a move...so I'm gonna get over my own crippling shyness and go for it this weekend

I have asked out people on first dates in the past, some like it, some don't.

YES! Why not? He can only say no.

evenstar3 said:

Crippling shyness... I know all about that. So glad I don't need to work on overcoming that anymore.

I tend to avoid men I like because I’m too shy

I've done it a few times before.

Mach said:

I proposed to my husband too! And asked him out on our first 3 dates. I was a pushy bitch!

ThreadCula said:

I love this way of thinking. Why should a man have to make the first move all the time?

I get tired of the whistles, and the funny shocking thing and the joke spray whenever I make a move...

Not really.

Getting hardcore rejected once was enough for me to never be that bold again.


Unless I'm really, really drunk of course...but that doesn't count, right?

RenHoek said:

what did you say???

JustErin said:

Same here. That's why I wait for women to ask me out from now on.

I don't get many dates.

sextonseven said:

you're such a liar. you clearly don't see how women look at you

sammij said:

Thanks but women confuse me. What I think is a look usually turns out to be just something caught in their eye.

JustErin said:

really, really drunk women don't ask you out. they usually cut right to the chase.

now this is a really interesting topic for me.
because i can count on my hand the number of times that i've actually asked a girl out. still too shy/awkward (unless i've got a couple in me) to do that so i usually sit back and wait for women to approach me.

which has created kind of a dilemma.

let's just say that the women i go out with, usually should be taking medication for their issues. mental, not physical.

so i'm supposed to be working on building up my confidence and learning how to approach women.

so what do i do in the middle of trying to acquire this skill?

MOVE FROM DETROIT TO NEW YORK CITY.



women in this town are HARD to approach. ugh.

ButterscotchPimp said:

I find that very interesting... what makes them harder to approach?

CarrieMpls said:

Fear of getting maced. NYC women are no joke.

peacenlovealways said:

same here, i'm kinda old fashioned

CarrieMpls said:

I think that women here get hit on ALL THE TIME. walking, on the train, at the bar/club, all the time. And New Yorkers in general tend to be really good at ignoring people. You almost have to if you ride the subways. So it doesn't make a really good environment for a shy guy to approach a woman. At all.

I admit, if a guy approaches me while I'm out walking around by myself in public my gut reaction is just "no". "Go away". I have a hard time getting past that. There’s some instinct in me that just HATES being approached like that. I think it’s cause I feel like any guy who hits on women in the street probably chases anything in a skirt. And that’s just so not attractive.


As for the topic, I don’t imagine myself ever asking a guy out in the future. I really do prefer to be pursued. But it’s sooooo difficult. I think the only reason I’ve had to sorta make the first move in the past is guys can’t tell if I’m interested or not. I’m positively terrible at flirting. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. And I’m unbearably shy to boot.

ButterscotchPimp said:

We tend to have tunnel vision here in NYC. Everyone has some place to go, and we hate it when a stranger interrupts our flow.

ButterscotchPimp said:

So true! I'm in NYC and female, and a lot of times I think people are just being nice ('cause I'm from the midwest where most people are nice) and then they end up being skeevy, trying to hit on me. And of course there are the sleeze-balls that cat-call and whistle at any girl walking by. So annoying! I usually tell them to stop objectifying women. Once I even called the management of a construction site to tell them one of their workers was hitting on every woman walking by. Ugh.

jone70 said:

See???? Let me clarify that i would NEVER think of hitting on someone out in public. I think that's kind of rude. It's unfortunate though, because in this city you see the most beautiful women walking around or on the train.

But i'm a long way from a pro. So let's say, that I keep my approaching attempts to the bar. Even that seems to be MUCH harder to do here than it did back in Detroit. People are usually in huge groups and it seems impossible to walk up and try to start a conversation.

wishingonastar said:

Yeah, but I pretty much only meet people online, so I think the culture is a little different. For me, it has been about 50/50, as far as who contacted who.

I enjoy being asked, I guess. But how the first date was initiated is such a small thing compared to how the first date WENT.

ButterscotchPimp said:

Maybe try a different venue where people aren't likely to go in groups. Volunteer somewhere or join an organization. NY Cares is great for volunteering -- they have all different types of opportunities and you never know who you may meet. If you play sports you could join Urban Professionals or NY Sports and Social maybe.

jone70 said:

thank you very much for the suggestions!!!