Here's a very funny situation.

One of my best friends in the military was a little bit homophobic. His best friend from a previous base got stationed at our base (in Tampa) after we'd been there for 2 years.
His best friend ended up being booted out of the military, and it was revealed that he was gay.
My friend didn't take very easily.
To make a long story, short. He ended up befriend me and another male friend and we became a very tightly nit circle, with me being the 'odd one out' because I at that time had another "best friend", so I was juggling best friends.

Anyways, his other "best friend' in our circle was gay. Not openly gay, but definitely gay. I knew this because he had gone to a gay nightclub a friend of mine worked at--not one of those trendy gay clubs where anybody goes, but one of those truly ghey nightclubs.


Anyways, The girl he was dating at the time, admitted to him she was bi-sexual, and that she fell in love with another girl. End of relationship.

Here was this slightly homophobic guy, who had a previous gay best friend outed, was currently friends with queer men, and also dated a queer girl. It was hilarious.


But what was so funny to me, is that this wasn't the only scenerio like that on our base.. I had another friend who's best friend was gay---he had no clue his best friend was gay. And his gay best friend admitted to me one night that he was homosexual and begged me not to tell anybody. It was the most tense moment I've had in a long time with anybody. This poor man wanted to tell SOMEBODY so badly and when he told me, it was like he was letting out a cancer in him.
But his friend was homophobic. Not the "i hate gay" type, but the regular "gay's are fucking weird" type. I just found the entire world I lived in at the time was filled with gay and queer people being best friends with unweary straights who never knew.


Have you been the queer best friend?
Have you had one that was queer and eventually came 'out'?

My aunt is a lesbian, does that count?

tinaz said:

Did you know, or did she recently come out?

I'm trying to get the perspective from friends of queers, who either didn't know, or only suspected until their friends came 'out'?

What does that do to the friendship?


I mean, with my buddy, when he found out that his previous best friend was ghey, that effectively ended their friendship. --- it was more complicated than "you're gay... it's over", but it played a role.

TheVoid said:

She has never really come out to anyone but my mom... Growing up us kids always knew she was gay, never dated any men, bought a house with another girl, etc etc etc but since my grandma passed away she has been alot more open about things but has never said to me, Tina, im gay....

Why couldnt they be friends? Was he afraid his gay friend would hit on him? Now that I think of it I had a co-worker friend, we never hung out but were friends at work who was bi... She basically wanted to know if I was into things like that, which I wasnt, but I still stayed her friend... Once it was out in the open she could talk about lots of things which kind of made us better friends cuz she didnt have to worry about offending me or things like that...

Two of my bestest friends are lesbians. One kept it from me for quite some time...she told me she was nervous to tell me, but she also told me that she had a crush on me. Like that would create a problem with me.

I've never been close friends with a gay guy. Gay dudes don't like me.

JustErin said:

Are you honestly not aware of the gay guys on here who fawn over you?

I have had close (and out) gay male friends since I was a teenager. A girl came out to me as bi when I was in high school too, though I think that was the typical “college girl experimentation” just a little bit early. One of my coworkers who has actually become a friend beyond work is a lesbian. I’ve never known anyone all closeted, where it would be some big revelation at some point. But then, I’m a girl and was considered a bit of a freak back in the day.
And now in this day and age I can’t possibly imagine anyone being afraid to come out to me.

thebumpsquad said:

Ya, but you guys actually got to know me a little...

My experience is that I am dismissed immediately.

JustErin said:

Were you surprised at all by either friend coming out?

And it didn't change anything with regards to your friendship?


Ghey men sometimes dislike women who will not let them touch their boobs. They think the ghey card gives them free reign to molest breasts as they see fit.


(yes, I know I could get in trouble for saying that )

TheVoid said:

No, I wasn't surprised and it changed nothing.

JustErin said:

It was the tennis shoes and khaki shorts that gave it away, wasn't it?

TheVoid said:

No, it was the wife beaters and camo capris.

tinaz said:

I have a first cousin who is like your aunt.

Girl is obviously ghey, but it's not something that she has ever admitted to.
She's even told my mom (who is terribly niave about such things) that they
bought a house together to save on bills, and that they slept in the
same bedroom because it was the only room with A/C, all of which my mom
having come from a very poor upbringing in Thailand, took as a logical
way for friends to rely on each other.

My sister and I of course.... saw the rainbow

In the circle of friends I grew up with, I am definitely "the gay one." What's interesting, though, is that in many ways I am also the most "traditional" male -- I'm the most conservative where personal conduct is concerned (though definitely not where personal philosophies are concerned); I have the longest, most stable marriage and nuclear family; and I'm the one everyone runs to when they get themselves into trouble.

I think that inclination toward being "safe" (or is it just boring? ) made it pretty darned easy for them when I came out. To this day, some of them insist I'm just a kinky straight guy.
[Edited 1/7/10 11:30am]

Lammastide said:

I've spoken to you on the phone. You were undressing me with your words.

TheVoid said:

Yeah, but just don't mention that to my homies. I got a rep to protect.

TheVoid said:

EXACTLY!!

My best friend of 18 years is a gay dude. He's the type of down ass mofo that if I had to get rid of a body, I could call him the middle of the night and he'd be like,
"Do you have a shovel or do I need to bring one?" That's a true friend.

Not that that's ever happened or anything.

JustErin said:

I like you

And I guess I have been/am

my cousin derick is gay

and he used 2 be my best freind. we would talk about real shit.
I'm not gay or bi. but i could realy relate to his conversation.

he never told me he was gay until he was 17.
and it did not surprise me. and i could of care less. but till this day
when i'm seen with him,i get type casted as gay... i could realy careless.
the people who realy know and me can obvioulsy realize that i'm a pussy man.

I had a very good friend who came out a few years after I met him. He was never known to date any women and when asked would always reply with an answer like he's very picky or something. When I was finally told he was gay, everything suddenly made sense obviously. After he came out, he got the confidence to hit on me almost every time we hung out. He still asks me when are we going to hook up whenever I see him.

im friends with a gender queer person.
does that count.
i've never been out with my friends, because i felt it wasn't really their business.

in high school, i never knew any gay or lesbian people, most because i hung down with my friends.

i'm from a small town. i've been the first queer best friend of most of my best friends from high school and the first openly queer person alot of people around here my age have met.

JustErin said:

I find that hard to believe. But maybe it's because you're more likely to get the dick they're after

Like I have a choice.

johnart said:

its quite noble, that you were always truthful to yourself.
it sucks when people try to act like something they are not.
[Edited 1/7/10 14:27pm]

I typed this whole long thing at work and the damn filter wouldn't send it...


Anyway...
My best friend since 1st grade is gay. He was the kid who was always picked on and teased, and called all the mean homophobic names at an early age. He denied it for years, and dated a girl in college. We- his friends- would defend him to the bullies (incl. Artie Lange! ), even though we knew long before he was willing to admit it.

J finally came out when we were 25 or 26. When he called me and said we needed to "have dinner and talk", I told him I already knew and was waiting for him to share it with me. We ended up getting into a fight over trust and the true meaning of friendship.

We have been friends for 36 years. I love him like a brother!

JustErin said:

Is Gay different in Canada?

chocolate1 said: