baroque said:

I was the gay friend before I was willing to admit I was the best friend.
From the age of 16 (when I came out) it just snowballed.

johnart said:

John, honey, I KNOW you & I could hang!
We need to go shopping looking Snugglalicious.

i love being gay i dont care 4 female acting males nor do i care 4 str8 guys that overdo it wit the overly manly stuff so well back on top i dont use the term queer so i guess im not that

chocolate1 said:

Oh I know it too, love! I hope we get the chance.

I'm ALWAYS the queer best friend! And the thing is, my friends make it a POINT to point my gayness out to others whenever they talk about me. I'll be introduced like "This is my gay friend, Lonnie." or "This is Lonnie, he's gay" and I'm just like god DAMN!! Why can't I just be Lonnie? And if I'm gonna be introduced like that, it might as well be "Gemini, Christian, Right Handed, Democratic, Artistic, Meat Eater, and gay" sheesh!

ScarletScandal said:

Don't forget fashionable


I'm not really the "gay best friend" even though I am. I have been mistaken for the partner of two of my very best friends, one male one female. Everyone gets confused. I'm the kind of person that maybe sixty percent of people can tell I'm gay and the others have noooo idea and are gobsmacked when they find out. I don't get it.

It'd kill me to be introduced as "GAY Michael". I think I'd have to headbutt anyone who did it, just on principle.

That said, I don't have very many gay friends....I normally don't get on well with big groups of gay guys. Don't know why....

for most of my straight friends, i'm the only gay friend they have and
i think sometimes they are a little bummed out because i'm not "gay"
enough, lol. i mean, on occasion these women date men that i'm sure
have a secret purse/doll collection at home and these guys meet me and
are all "oh wow, you're gay, i don't know anyone else who's gay".

ScarletScandal said:

i know. they do that to me all the time too. i used to get angry about that
but now i realise they don't know any better. i guess for women it's just a
matter of putting their man at ease, letting him know there's no competition
or something.

but it does feel a bit like:

"look, here's my new television and here's my choc labrador oh and here's
my gay best friend. i'm not sure if he takes it up the ass, but he's gay
alright"

IstenSzek said:

You must be...

I'm the only gay friend of most of my straight friends, especially the men. I haven't really had many gay friends since I stopped clubbing.

It has led to some confusion with straight male friends, however... the odd sticky moment.

connorhawke said:

I think right now, I have like, 1 gay guy friend...I think...Guys just don't want to be friends with me, unless they're "getting something" out of it. I hate that shit. Like, just because I'm their friend, I'm obligated to dick them down when they can't get any from somebody else Ninja please.

ScarletScandal said:

@ "Ninja please"

With me it's like I'm not "gay" enough to be accepted into gay cliques. I really don't effing get it.

It may be that I don't flash it around. I'm not all "I'm so fucking gay" all the time. I have an aquaintance who is the world's greatest fag hag (she reminds me of Margaret Cho) and I think she's ashamed to introduce me to her gay mafia posse.

Sorry, I refuse to wax so I can join your steeenking club!

vivid said:

Same here, and for some strange reason my straight male friends always want to give me a hug and a kiss whereas they only greet each other by slapping each-other on the back. It's sweet I guess they want to greet me that way, but a handshake or pat on the back will do just fine.

I was the Queer Best Friend for years - twenty years to be precise.

I made friends with Peter back in 1990, when we were both 17. Soon after ingratiating myself into his social circle, I told him that I had feelings for him. He's always identified as being heterosexual. He seemed flattered by my advances but stated his straightness and declared that "nothing would ever happen".

Over the years, I used Peter as a surrogate boyfriend on-and-off; I can admit this and I know that I was at fault. There was a period of two years, just before he married around ten years ago, that it felt like an affair - albeit without sex. Having said that, there were moments when we embraced a little too hard or too long; half-kisses on my neck; extremely intimate behaviour, like feeding me with his fork in a restaurant... Stuff like that and more.

He invited me into his bed on just one occasion when were both around 20, but I declined (knowing that he was more drunk than I was and that it would kill the friendship once his beer goggles came off in the morning).

In our thirties, the friendship faltered and stuttered. He had a wife, children - and more than a few homophobic friends. The flattery which he'd previously displayed towards me, turned into pity and then shame. I was disinvited from various straight-laced social gatherings but he'd still want me to drop everything for him, whenever he wanted to meet me for a beer alone... And I always did.

Around three years ago, I discovered that one of his apparently homophobic friends, Andy, was gay. Andy had had a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Neil. Andy is still closeted and has a wife and two kids. I had been disinvited from parties in the past, on the grounds that Andy would be in attendance and there might have been friction between us because "Andy doesn't like queers"... And all the while, Andy was sleeping with my ex-boyfriend.

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach when I found out. A million different thoughts went through my head - not least the possibility that Peter may be bisexual too. It transpired that I hadn't found-out accidentally (as I'd imagined). My ex-boyfriend, Neil, had disclosed the information to intentionally hurt me - and Andy. Neil had known for years that Andy was remotely connected to me, and came back into my life solely to wreak havoc.

I told Peter about what I knew and also advised him to tell his wife, as my ex, Neil, was threatening to go into the shop where she worked to cause more damage. Neil intended to tell her that he suspected me and Peter were having an affair - which we weren't.

I ended-up in therapy. It was a really dark time for me. Most of my friends turned their back on me, including Peter. Even now, I feel like a part of me died during that period.

It was only in the last year that my friendship with Peter seemed to get back on an even keel. We'd both grown-up a little and I started to get invited back into the fold, to attend parties and dinners with his family and friends.

I had a glut of stress this December. My Grandma (my last grandparent) became seriously ill; I changed job-roles in my office to increase my salary; I was elected to be an employee representative by my colleagues (a position I didn't canvass for, but was flattered to receive). The depression which has haunted me throughout my life returned. I'd come home from work and collapse on the couch, just sobbing for an hour. I went days without eating. I had immense feelings of guilt and thought about death a lot.

My Grandma died on Christmas Day morning. The only person whom asked about her condition was Peter, by text that day.

On New Years Eve, I attended a party at another friends; Kevin and his wife. Kevin had annoyed me recently by making jokey remarks about my recent closeness to Peter. I had to "have words" with him the other week, because he said something under his breath whilst we were all in a bar. I told him that his remarks were making me feel uncomfortable and paranoid.

Peter and his wife came to the house party later. I'd drunk three beers and two thirds of a bottle of wine. I lost a third by accidentally knocking over the last glassful onto the floor. Luckily, Kevin's wife had positioned carpet offcuts at strategic points and the wine was absorbed by an offcut.

I opened another bottle of red wine and refilled my glass - I never got to finish it. I was tipsy, but not to the point of falling-over drunk. I just felt merry and carefree.

I went into the kitchen to grab some food and Peter followed me in. His wife was already in the kitchen with Kevin. She barked at Peter: "FOR GOD'S SAKE PETER! WILL YOU GET OFF HIM!". I wasn't even conscious of him being "on me". Maybe he had his hand on my shoulder - I don't know. The memory lapse isn't due to the alcohol I'd drank, but because of the surreality of the situation.

I stood against the oven whilst Peter's wife screamed at me: "Are you still in love with my husband?"... I didn't know what to say; I was in shock. I don't think I said anything for a good twenty seconds or so. I then mumbled something really stupid: "There were... things... years ago. But it's all in the past and I don't know what the problem is now"... Peter, his wife and Kevin just seemed to be staring at me, like I was a particularly gross bug on the wall which they wanted to remove but no-one wanted to pick up.

After another moment of silence, Peter or his wife said: "We're going" (I can't recall whom actually said this; I was still in shock) and they left the kitchen to leave through the front door. Kevin followed them.

I stood outside on the patio, smoking. Another party guest, Paul, asked me what happened, and whilst I was telling him, Kevin flung open the patio, ranting at me that I'd ruined his party... It wasn't me whom had been screaming...

Paul held Kevin back from punching me, as I went through a gate in the garden and walked home crying.

I've since changed my phone numbers and have no desire to see any of these people again - It's going to be hard as it's a very small village. I'm still really upset. There's nothing I can do or say to fix anything. I don't know if Peter's wife was ever visited by my vengeful ex-boyfriend, Neil, in the past. I don't know if Kevin had made some homophobic "witty remark" at the party regarding mine and Peter's apparent closeness. I don't recall if I myself or Peter had joked about our relationship. I just know it's over.

I was very fond of Peter. He was the closest thing I ever had to a true best friend (for all his faults). I'll miss him for the rest of my life. I still have questions, but I can't dwell on them because I'll just end-up going crazy.

I really will think twice about befriending another straight man in the future. It's too complicated.

MacDaddy said:

Yeah, but a hand-shandy would do even better

GirlBrother said:

I hear you - it can be very complicated and in the end painful. However, I love the company of straight men too much to not put up with a bit of difficulty.

Probably why my ex yelled at me during our break-up; "you make no sense to me as a gay man - I don't think you're really gay!"

vivid said:

vivid said:

I do prefer to hang out with straight men

Alej said:

I almost exclusively have hung out with straight or bi male friends.



One thing that I've noticed about gay men...even those who claim to be 'too straight' to be 'gay' by their friends, is that in reality they really are pretty gay. What I mean by gay before I delve into games of semantics is displaying feminine characteristics I would normally associate with women--emotional expressiveness and a general disposition I would associate with women.

It's not something I can adequately explain in a few short words, but suffice it to say I find their brains to be wired more simliar to women's brains than 'one of the buds' no matter what their mannerisms or tastes.

This isn't so with my bi friends. They were alpha male horn dogs and though a few had feminine mannerisms, their brains were very much wired like 'men'.

Not trying to be offensive. I'm not calling gay men "girls", but there *is* an emotional disposition that is very similar in my eyes. For this reason, I've found it much easier to just be friends with straight or bi men.

TheVoid said:

Alej said:

It's for this very reason I refuse to believe roodboi and zaza are straight.
No what I'm sayin', son?

TheVoid said:

!!!

TheVoid said:

I haven't lost any friends.
Some of my friends are more comfortable than others, but it's generally not directed at me.
I've lived with straight friends and spent the night at straight friends homes (single) and no one said a word.

In the military, my friends were cool but there were some guys that I kept my distance from and they kept their distance from me. Not enough distance to keep us from fighting . . .

TheVoid said:

this is a statment i can admit to relating with. I rather hang out with my homegirls than my guy freinds.... I'm not down with all that. raging alpha male bullshit.... fuck that.

I grew up around all females. as a kid there were 2 rooms during family gatherings. one where the men would chill and the other where me and my girl cousins would talk.

but don't get me twisted... I always was known to be real good with the ladies.
I'm quik 2 fight with the boyz,and I only eat seafood if ya dig what i'm sayin

thebumpsquad said:

Thank you.

Lammastide said:

I seem to have acquired a reputation as the 'straightest gay guy' anyone knows.

SCNDLS said:

Not this year . . .

TheVoid said:

I find your generalizations limiting.

SUPRMAN said:

The year's still young . . .

SCNDLS said: