I have been friends with a female for the last 10 years. We met through work. I let her stay at my house for a month. turned into four months. The heiffer never paid me a cent and hiked up my phone bills.

Flash forward three years. The trick moves back from NYC cause shit didn't work for her there. She calls me and says hey I'm coming to visit. My dumb ass believed her. She ended up being in my a house a few weeks. SHe got her shit together to get a sweet gig taking care of a very wealthy woman's father in her big old empty house.

She started driving her car, smoking in the house, and then got thrown in jail for a dui in her employer's car.

So she had to move back in with me....I told her to leave after two months. She just dumps on folks. She uses people and freeloads.

Flash forward 7 years. She is divorced and has two kids. She moved to ATL because she still wants to be a model (she's fucking 38) or radio (well she fucked so many artists, managers, and promoters she basically ruined that job). She has lived with three different folks since moving here in '09.

She has kids now, but I guess that don't phase her.

She texted me to ask me if she and the kids could crash at my house on Sunday. I never texted back....

Haven't heard from her. I feel bad cause she has kids, but damn she is off the hook! Besides boyfriend says I don't have to be mean, he said no child but his own can be laying up in his house while he and I are at work.

Anyone have to turn into an asshole to prevent further damage?
[Edited 1/13/10 14:00pm]

Do not text her back.

Do not take her in unless you did not learn your lesson.

Don't feel bad for her. If you won't take her in she will use someone else. Let her play her games somewhere else.

Hell fucking naw! If you don't wanna tell her I'll be happy to do it for ya. If you let her take advantage of you again, that's on you. She's just doing her and you know what that means. So don't do it!

SCNDLS said:

SCNDLS will have your back!

ThreadCula said:

Fa sho!

luv4u said:

i would ignore her text, there comes a time in life when you HAVE to stand on your own two feet and make your own way in life, it's called being an adult and growing up. she'll find a way, trust me!

KatSkrizzle said:

Not texting back is not only your only option, but it's the right thing to do. You have to wash your hands of this chick. There's a great saying about "You teach people how to treat you." If she knows she can get away with dumping on you, SHE WILL. Don't let her lay guilt or whatever w/ the kid thing. Don't text her back, and refuse her calls for a while. She'll get the message. I'm not saying cut off friendship, but you have to draw a line. When you said, "So she had to move back in with me," I balked. She didn't HAVE to, you let her. And I get that you were trying to be a good person; no one is faulting you for that. You just have to make, and keep, boundaries. She's gotta grow up, and she can only do that on her own. Stop mothering her. You know damn well that "crashing on Sunday" thing is going to be another 2 months. DO NOT DO IT. She ain't leavin' her kids on the street, so don't even think she would. She'll find someone else to put her kids, just don't let it be your place.

KatSkrizzle said:

You're not an asshole

and yes ... I have had to set and reset boundries with different people because they choose not to se their own

There are times when being an asshole is necessary, otherwise mfers will walk all over you.

Its NOT your problem, do not enable her to be a bum on your dime. Ignore her if she ever shows up... have the police send her to a homeless shelter.

SCNDLS said:

Dude, somehow I would have you do it just to see you in action!

paintedlady said:

Pretty much. I swear she followed me here to this city to test me. Or a higher power did. Hell no she ain't staying up in MY house. I WORKED too damn hard for what I have. I didn't get in and fuck up every opportunity like she did. I invited her over for last thanksgiving and she saw the house, I KNOW that's why she asked. Just because I have it doesn't mean I have to give it, you know? And I'm not balling out, but making a gradual incline on success.

ernestsewell said:

Yeah, pretty much all you said is truth. You do stupid stuff in your twenties. See, shorty gets over on her good talk game and her looks. Within a few months you realize she's full of shit. But now she has kids! How do you shuffle your kids from house to house? How? They did nothing to deserve that!

KatSkrizzle said:

that's the thing to keep thinking right there..
and don't allow her to use the children to guilt you into anything..
you weren't the one who knocked her up, or...
you know..
[Edited 1/13/10 19:58pm]

tell her I said to fuck off...I dont mind being an asshole....

KatSkrizzle said:

Ain't nuthin but a word

No, you are not an asshole.

First, stop calling her your friend. Friends do not seek to take advantage of people. Second, I hope the next time you talk to her that you take the opportunity to tell her how she fucked you over, not once but twice.

Smoking in your house? Fuck that.

And thats exactly why I don't fuck with needy people anymore

Asshole or not,,,believe me, you're better off, sometimes you have to put yourself first. There's nothing wrong with it especially if its against human leechers who pose as friends.

peb319 said:

Vendetta1 said:

Exactly! There is nothing wrong with helping her to help herself, point her to the nearest shelter, let them help her. She can get real help with foodstamps, childsupport arrangements can be enforced if need be, and she can get housing.

She needs to grow up and be responsible.

I don't understand why you just didn't kick her out the 2nd time she used you up. It's okay to say NO to people. Just because they give you this sob story doesn't mean you have to feed into it. Nonetheless, I'm glad you finally got the hint and never texted her back. The only reason why she keeps finding her way back to you is because you've allowed her to use you in the past. It's time to stand up and tell her flat out HELL NO. Then cut her loose. She isn't worth it.

thanks folks. this new year signifies the dropping off of leeching ass people.

KatSkrizzle said:

can I borrow $20 before you become a total asshole??

I totally feel you! It's hard to say no to people sometimes, especially when they are in need, and then you just get stepped on in the end. But don't feel bad, I've done the same thing you have countless times over; and it never results well. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and stop being so nice. I learned that the hard way (Shaddup, Nyse, lol).

make or break it.....them folx will do almost anything to make or break your life. So get ready for the Big Speech so they can try to talk you in doing things u don't wanna
[Edited 1/14/10 8:55am]

thejason said:

I freaking love your ass!

That person is not a friend. I know you may have some emotional investment in the friendship but I think it is time to cut your losses and let this person go.

KatSkrizzle said:

Yup. I had to be an asshole to my then mother-in-law who had been living with us for 9 months. This was not the first time she had lived with me and my (ex)wife. Throughout our 7 years of marriage, she lived with us on and off for months at a time for a total of around 2 and half to 3 years. Never charged her a thing, but she seemed to think simply by being older, she was entitled to run the house. I should've known better than to let her back when she left the previous time after a confrontation about cutting my daughter's hair while my wife and I were asleep. She never apologized or anything for giving my daughter an ugly ass haircut, instead she claimed it was her right as a grandparent. Because parents themselves apparently have no rights.

So her final stay with us culminated to a heated argument that ended with me cursing at her a bit and kicking her out.

We're somewhat cool now though.

Edit: I realize it's not exactly a "friend"...but there was plenty of freeloading to say the least.
[Edited 1/16/10 9:41am]

missfee said: