You're out and you met someone. Have a great time. Dancing, great conversation over dinner. They are employed well educated, good head on their shoulders, great sense of humour. Very attractive. So far so good. Just met so way to early to judge any further than that. Night is coming to an end, and conversation leads to the 'what are you looking for' topic. Tell me more about you, etc...They say that there's one thing...they have HIV.

I got about a dozen apologies after that. But I asked what are you apologizing for? If anything I respect you more for telling me the truth. It made a great night turn slightly somber. Though I was told I could leave if I wanted to, I stayed and held them a little tighter. I can tell it was hard to put that out there. I try to put myself in their shoes and ask what if it was me. I can't imagine what that must be like. We're suppose to meet again, tonight or tomorrow for an official date.
Of course I'll go for a date. But I'm not sure how I'm feeling. And I don't want to be a bad person, nor do I feel an obligation. Is it something I'll be able to handle? what about intimacy? all those questions come into play.

I'd like your opinions and advice. Or if you've been or are in a similar situation, how you handled it.

I've never been with anyone with HIV, so I don't really know.
TO my knowledge I've never slept with anyone with HIV.

You should ask Anxiety as he's dated someone with HIV and doesn't have it himself, so he would know what the precautions are to take, what's appropriate, and how you go about life.


To me, I guess, it's ultimately about love, isn't it? I listenned to an NPR radio telecast of their mobile-booth interviews where they interviewed people from all walks of life, and there was this couple on it.

One was a woman who had a terminal disease (not HIV, and NOT infectious). But she had to have her blood essentially replaced ever couple of days to keep her alive. It was just something her and her husband did. It was part of their routine.

When they were interviewing each other, what struck me was how underneath all the pain...all the frustration...and all the sacrifices they had to make, the only thing that mattered was that they had each other's company for the short time they had left together.

They honestly felt that their time together was a gift. I don't think any disease can rob you of that when you really love each other.




That being said, I don't think I could do it. But then again, I not sure I wouldn't do it.

Well really, you've not even gone on a first date so I think you're being a bit starry eyed. Great that the person was honest from the get go, but as with every relationship there's always issues.

Just continue having safer sex like you should be doing anyway regardless of your dating partners' (announced) HIV status

Do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do.

Man, all I got out of that post was

CHINGON said:

Imago said:

I must be premenstrual, because that shit just made me cry.

I'm gay and have never had anal sex, nor do I ever plan to, so my idea of sex is strictly oral only (giving and getting). I was in the same exact situation as you once so I just pulled out the flavored condoms and moved on.

I'm sure you may be wanting to do a little more though so I don't know what to tell you. But be glad the person told you beforehand. I've been with people and found out from other people afterwards that the person was infected. Thank God I only have oral sex but I still get tested once a year.

CHINGON said:

Try your best to approach getting to know this person as if they had no disease. Be honest with yourself about whether you are developing any real feelings for them.

I mean, all those attributes you listed sound really nice but they don't mean you're going to fall for them. Chances are, you won't.

As far as intimacy goes, I would, of course, hold off on actual penetrative sex for now, but there's plenty of sex that can be had without risking infection if you're creative.

If you do fall for this person, you'll know. You'll feel that unmistakable pull to be with them. You'll think about them night and day. And if that happens, you'll have to communicate tons about expectations, safety, etc. If it doesn't happen, be gracious and move on.

Good luck to you, and I commend you for already being so kind.