ok, this may seem a bit wierd to some of you, but orgers tend to be a pretty honest bunch, so I'm thinking...or maybe projecting and hoping that some of you do the same thing as I do when on the toilet.

Here's the scenerio:


I'm sitting on the shitter today, and things are getting a bit monotonous, being that I've had the runs for two days and have been on the shitter more times in a day than Anxiety is on his back. Now, the last few days, I've been in a small, remote Thai village where they only had squat toilets (my uncle affectionately refers to them as 'bombers'). So being back in civilization where I can finally make my deposits in certifiably dignified toilets, I no longer require the zen-like states of concentration I needed while squating over a small opening in the floor and aiming with my asshole. Western and American assholes are like ak-47s where Thai assholes must have the precision of snipers.


But I digress, I'm sitting on the toilet, and relatively bored. Suddenly, I look over at the objects resting on the sink counter beside me. I randomly pick up my Gillette Sensor shaver and handle it in my hands for no other reason than to have something to do. When I turn the blade upside down facing up, I realize it sort of reminds me of one of the Federation star ships in the Star Trek movies crossed with the spaceship from the movie, 2001 - A Space Odyssey.

The next thing I know, I'm 'play flying' my shaver like its' a space ship. I'm even pretending that it jumps to light speed via hyper-space to an undiscovered planet. But lawd, unlike the Federation of Star Trek fame, my spaceships are never there to just shake hands with sentient beings on distant planets .. No, my spaceships are armed with thermal nuclear gamma-ray bursts that are delivered in positronic bursts that cause planets to implode violently when I aim my merciless weapon towards them. And for no reason, my Federation Space ship destroys this unchartted planet just because the natives refuse to sign a trade agreement with me because I'm trying to monopolize the plutonium ores of this sector of the galaxy. BOOM!

BAM!!! BAM!!!! KABOOM!!!



Suddenly, I realize that I'm just on the shitter. And my spaceship is just my shaver.



Yeah, that's what I do on the toilet.




Does anyone else do this?

It can't be just me. If you're too embarrassed to admit you can orgnote me. It would really make me feel a lot better about myself. Thanks.







JayJai is a spelling and grammar Nazi edit
[Edited 7/8/09 7:25am]

Tell me that can't be a armed spacecraft with a positronic plutonium gamma-ray burst weapon on board, I dare you.

Imago said:

Positronic plutonium gamma-ray burst weapon?
Just how tough is your beard?

Unsually I just like to read the bottles on counter. For some reason I like see the words moist, soft, and non-sticky when I'm using it.

You have gone off at a slight tangent but basically you have done a thread about having a dump

bored in Thailand, eh?

If you’re sitting there long enough to be bored there’s a problem. See your doctor.

ok ok, people, forget the shitter.

Let's say, you're sitting at the DMV waiting on a drivers license.
Or you're alone in the Doctor's office waiting for him to come in.


Do you launch into wild bouts of fantasy?

Oh THAT part.

Not with a safety razor, no. And I wouldn’t call it wild bouts of fantasy. But I daydream a lot. If I’m waiting to get my license renewed I’ll choreograph and score an entire musical in my head. Someone always does the run and jump on a chair and tip it over and keep on dancing bit.

CarrieMpls said:

OMG OMG OMG, THANK YOU!!!!!


I was hoping I wasn't the only person.



Sometimes when I'm watching people walk by on a busy street, I'll imagine a T-Rex is about to come around the corner and tear shit up.

Imago said:

Often when I'm people watching I name everyone.

"There goes Bertha!"

"Fred's clearly on his way to an important meeting."

Imago said:

When my professors are really boring me, I just imagine their heads either fall off mid sentence or I just get up and jump out of the window.




ok sliiiightly different

CarrieMpls said:

OMG me too!


Or sometimes I'll give them "fake lives"


Like if somebody walks by and is all hoiti-toiti and high-society, I'll assign them an unhappy marriage life and imagine they're hurrying off to someplace to score drugs to dull the pain

DanceWme said:

I try to assign sexual innuendo to everything they say when I'm bored



Trust me, it makes hammurabi's 'code' and the foundations of 'civil justice' so much livelier :falloff

Imago said:

and i thought i was 'special'



Sometimes I call Dominos pizza and ask them for the number to Papa Johns

DanceWme said:

OMG, I'm laughing so hard right now


GurRRRLL, I love you!!

Imago said:

If I was to say all the shit i be thinking to myself...orgers would NOT want to meet me anymore

DanceWme said:

Could you imagine what goes through Christopher's mind when he's bored?


He could turn English Lit class into a hot ghetto mess this side of Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat.

If I called MacDonald's here and asked for the number to Fat Burger, I don't think these Thai people would get it.

No.

I shit, I leave

mdiver said:

We're not talking about what you do in P&R threads, Phil.

Imago said:

He randomly send me text out of nowhere like "im sittin in popeyes and these muthafuckas aint got no honey mustard"
shit be funny as hell and im at work like wtf

Imago said:

Ok well that is true.

DanceWme said:

OMG, I love him so much too

mdiver said:

No I don't, but I did put up a list of different types of poop on my bathroom wall when I was a teenager. It always made ppl laugh. It had stuff like "machine-gun poop" "flock of sparrows poop", "ghost poop" and descriptions of them.

Mushanga said:

!

DanceWme said:

Mushanga said:

OMG girl! That's funny!!!

Imago said: