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PrintableLiquidGold said: sinisterpentatonic said:    | |
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At this time in my life, I believe, yes. I have gone through some moments where I thought common interests were key. Then I realized (twice in the past 2 years), it is not the magic for me. It is nice, but what really matters is...
Can you laugh together? Can you communicate well? Are you drawn to them, is there undying chemistry (even in the mist of so many differences)? Can you be your own person, while away? Or while together? Is there trust? Do they believe in you, do you believe in them, are you able to support one another through life challenges? Can one forgive? Are both willing to try new things, yet remain respectful of our each others beliefs and standards with reason? Does everything disappear when you are laying physically next to them? Does it feel like the best place on earth to be, time and time again? Everything can be different I am realizing lately, can two people with great differences balance each other to some degree? I believe yes. Go for it. ~Smile. | |
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FreeSpirit said: Can you laugh together?
Can you communicate well? Are you drawn to them, is there undying chemistry (even in the mist of so many differences)? Can you be your own person, while away? Or while together? Is there trust? Do they believe in you, do you believe in them, are you able to support one another through life challenges? Can one forgive? Are both willing to try new things, yet remain respectful of our each others beliefs and standards with reason? Does everything disappear when you are laying physically next to them? Does it feel like the best place on earth to be, time and time again? Yeah.  | |
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LiquidGold said: PunkMistress said: Sounds like dealbreakers to me. My husband and I are opposites in a hundred ways (I'm outgoing and he's not; he's hyper-organized and I'm a slob; he's a total pessimist and I'm a ridiculous optimist; on and on). However, we never judge each other and when it comes to the deeper ways we view life, spirituality and child-rearing, we are extremely compatible in our outlooks. When we do disagree, it often turns into these wonderful conversations where we each explain our reasons for feeling the way we do without trying to force the other to see things the same way. Healthy debate. It sounds like you two are incompatible in a deeper sense than just personality traits, and it also sounds like you sit in judgment of her. You think you're better than her. For her part, she doesn't accept that you're not going to change your beliefs, and she wants to change you. I think you should end it and move on. Uh, I don't judge her. I don't think she's a bad person. We just disagree about fundamental beliefs. I believe in making a compromise on both ends where she attempts to change my mind. I don't try to change her mind. She has also gotten emotional and disrespectful where I have not. 
I don't know you or your girlfriend. That's just my impression from what you wrote. You think smoking pot is bad and wrong, but she does it. You believe in God and an afterlife, and she does not. To me, this sounds like you may feel a bit superior to her. You say she doesn't offer you the sympathy you would want, and that she basically told you that you should never have any children and infect them with your worldview. I say again, it doesn't sound like much of a future. I think the kinds of differences you're talking about are the kind that cause more problems down the road as you become more committed, and not the kind that cause fewer issues the longer you're together. | |
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ZombieKitten said: if you are opposites with money (ie one is thrifty the other a spender) or faith, it could ultimately be your undoing - those are amongst the most common relationship breakers
Opposite personality traits on the other hand, are usually a good thing! A shy person with an outgoing person, a flake with a pedant, a pessimist with an optimist - AS LONG AS those traits rub off on each other and both parties end up being evened out a bit 
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Yah of course opposites can make it work millions of peeps are living proof. I just don't see what would be the use of falling in love with someone exactly like urself. I mean afterall u know urself already, know what u like and don't like and besides u have to live with urself 24/7 so relish the challenge of having some variety in ur life. When yin meets yang u will know that u met ur twin soul.
With that being said the fundamentals like certain beliefs, lifestyle choices and ways of showing affection would generally need to be similiar for a relationship to really work. The thing is if one person is very religious and wants to be faithful and have kids and a picket fence in the burbs, and the other person is against religion and wants to swing, remain childless and live in the city then that shit ain't gonna work. Yah u have come to a cross road but personally I think u have already come to ur own decision as well. Just think though, if ur having such problems now that cannot be compromised so early on in the relationship then what problems do u think u will face 5, 10, 20 years from now when the really big challenges are staring u down. Also if u could take everything bad away from her, is she still the woman u want to spend the rest of ur life with? | |
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PanthaGirl said: Yah of course opposites can make it work millions of peeps are living proof. I just don't see what would be the use of falling in love with someone exactly like urself. I mean afterall u know urself already, know what u like and don't like and besides u have to live with urself 24/7 so relish the challenge of having some variety in ur life. When yin meets yang u will know that u met ur twin soul.
With that being said the fundamentals like certain beliefs, lifestyle choices and ways of showing affection would generally need to be similiar for a relationship to really work. The thing is if one person is very religious and wants to be faithful and have kids and a picket fence in the burbs, and the other person is against religion and wants to swing, remain childless and live in the city then that shit ain't gonna work. Yah u have come to a cross road but personally I think u have already come to ur own decision as well. Just think though, if ur having such problems now that cannot be compromised so early on in the relationship then what problems do u think u will face 5, 10, 20 years from now when the really big challenges are staring u down. Also if u could take everything bad away from her, is she still the woman u want to spend the rest of ur life with? 
too
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Tremolina said: PanthaGirl said: Yah of course opposites can make it work millions of peeps are living proof. I just don't see what would be the use of falling in love with someone exactly like urself. I mean afterall u know urself already, know what u like and don't like and besides u have to live with urself 24/7 so relish the challenge of having some variety in ur life. When yin meets yang u will know that u met ur twin soul.
With that being said the fundamentals like certain beliefs, lifestyle choices and ways of showing affection would generally need to be similiar for a relationship to really work. The thing is if one person is very religious and wants to be faithful and have kids and a picket fence in the burbs, and the other person is against religion and wants to swing, remain childless and live in the city then that shit ain't gonna work. Yah u have come to a cross road but personally I think u have already come to ur own decision as well. Just think though, if ur having such problems now that cannot be compromised so early on in the relationship then what problems do u think u will face 5, 10, 20 years from now when the really big challenges are staring u down. Also if u could take everything bad away from her, is she still the woman u want to spend the rest of ur life with?
too
U know it babe... | |
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PanthaGirl said: Tremolina said:
too
U know it babe... Oh yes I do  | |
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FreeSpirit said: At this time in my life, I believe, yes. I have gone through some moments where I thought common interests were key. Then I realized (twice in the past 2 years), it is not the magic for me. It is nice, but what really matters is...
Can you laugh together? Can you communicate well? Are you drawn to them, is there undying chemistry (even in the mist of so many differences)? Can you be your own person, while away? Or while together? Is there trust? Do they believe in you, do you believe in them, are you able to support one another through life challenges? Can one forgive? Are both willing to try new things, yet remain respectful of our each others beliefs and standards with reason? Does everything disappear when you are laying physically next to them? Does it feel like the best place on earth to be, time and time again? Everything can be different I am realizing lately, can two people with great differences balance each other to some degree? I believe yes. Go for it. ~Smile.  | |
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PunkMistress said: LiquidGold said: Uh, I don't judge her. I don't think she's a bad person. We just disagree about fundamental beliefs. I believe in making a compromise on both ends where she attempts to change my mind. I don't try to change her mind. She has also gotten emotional and disrespectful where I have not.
I don't know you or your girlfriend. That's just my impression from what you wrote. You think smoking pot is bad and wrong, but she does it. You believe in God and an afterlife, and she does not. To me, this sounds like you may feel a bit superior to her. You say she doesn't offer you the sympathy you would want, and that she basically told you that you should never have any children and infect them with your worldview. I say again, it doesn't sound like much of a future. I think the kinds of differences you're talking about are the kind that cause more problems down the road as you become more committed, and not the kind that cause fewer issues the longer you're together. I don't know how stating our difference means I think I'm superior. What if it was the opposite and I said I didn't believe in God and she did? Or that I smoked pot and she didn't like it? I'm not getting you. Maybe you're taking it personal, but I never said I was better than anyone Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. | |
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ZombieKitten said: if you are opposites with money (ie one is thrifty the other a spender) or faith, it could ultimately be your undoing - those are amongst the most common relationship breakers
Opposite personality traits on the other hand, are usually a good thing! A shy person with an outgoing person, a flake with a pedant, a pessimist with an optimist - AS LONG AS those traits rub off on each other and both parties end up being evened out a bit
My sister who is a flake, got together with another flake, and it's flake city at their place  
I was always painfully shy, but I got together with Mr People Person (  ) - and that's been great for me My punctuality and level-headedness in a crisis is very much needed by him, since he was a habitually late, act first think later kind of person. We work very well together as a team since we have most bases covered this way with different strengths to each other. But we also have similar long-term goals and ideas about parenting - I know if we had different ideas about that we'd be in constant conflict. | |
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