My first year project for film school.

Let me know what you think. Any constructive criticism if highly appreciated.

http://www.youtube.com/wa...ntk_oQH46E

Nice opening shot. Where was it shot??? Good camera shots

I'll check this later when I get a moment...

First impression on a single viewing:

Great attention grabber opening shot
Nice sense of cinema -- frame, lighting, colors, editing, variety of shots
Script was decent but acting could be stronger
(did you use friends? next time hold auditions, get actors, then don't be intimidated by them)
Ending felt unfinished...you've probably heard that before. I love open endings, but if that's what you want and you want it to succeed, you have to construct it in such a way as to make it come across as INTENTIONAL. This had the feeling that you ran out of time.

good job! make another!

Actually, I didn't think the acting was that bad at all.

Good job!

great opening shot!!!!!

will watch it all when I can.

Great variety of shots, and most are very well framed. The opening conversation between the three on the train could have been cut up a bit, with different close ups on one or two at a time, just to break the monotony of a single long shot (I'll cover this more in a moment). (The blond girl was good in this scene).

A few of the shots were a bit long. It almost made it feel like a home movie, instead of a true attempt at a film. It's a minor thing that can be worked on of course. The stopping train shot seemed a bit low framed. Saw more of the gravel than the train wheels. It's okay to be artsy and expressionistic, but when you lost the story line or a segue in it, you have to keep with the story line. Seeing the train stop was a point in the film, so let's SEE that. Just more wheel next time.

The girl w/ the dark hair seemed to rush her lines, and it was hard to keep up with her especially in the dorm room scene. I had no idea what she was going on about. We didn't see much of the guy in this shot, even before his POV was shown through the camera. When you're doing something where the character is filming, make it more fun and interesting. A video filter isn't enough. Let it be "amateurish". It'll juxtapose the film itself, which is well framed and shot. (Of course fools think a WHOLE movie like that is good and we have to suffer with Blair Witch and Cloverfield because of it) The blond girl took the time to say her lines, and was better out of the two females. I forgot about the guy in the dorm scene, just because he wasn't scene much. The flashes of the dark headed girl were weird and unexplained. Very random.

The segue from the video camera flip screen back to the film was a great cross fade.

Some of the night shots for the mugging and the train ride home seemed to cut off their faces. I didn't quite get the idea behind this. It was distracting, and didn't lend to the otherwise good framing in the rest of the film. Again, artsy vs. story line. If the guy was filming it and it was his POV, it would have made more sense for the camera to drop and cut the people out of frame. But in the final train scene, it didn't. I think a final shot in the train, close up on the people, and a slow pull back would have been a great bookend to the film, since it started out that way in the beginning, with the dolly type shot going up the aisle and introducing the characters. The long pull away shot at the end would have put them back at square one, and made the viewer wonder "what will happen the next time they get off this train?" more than the way it ended.

The color in the opening shots and the initial outdoor shots were fantastic, but it got yellowy and muddy on the indoor shots. The night filter could have been a bit lighter, or altered in some other way.

Not sure about the ending. They got mugged, then what? The girl kept her necklace, but the guy seemed forgetful about rummaging around the purses while collecting his cell phone, and forgetting about the girl's goods all together. Why leave it if there's a chance to get everything and run. The mugger was briefly incapacitated. The guy should have seized the opportunity. He could have kicked the mugger while he was down and grabbed the purses at the same time. Just thoughts, ya know.

You did have a good sense of cinema though. Your effort to build a story line with the train shots, the locations, etc showed up well.

Regarding the long shots. I remember Albert Magnoli talking about doing different techniques in different scenes of Purple Rain. Like counting seconds in the scene preceding Computer Blue (after "Father's Song was played). He counted/edited 7 seconds for each shot, I believe. Other times he framed things with Prince to the side (Darling Nikki), or just a long timed shot, but still slowly moving forward (The Beautiful Ones) which kept the interest, opposed to just a long static shot.

Overall though, good attempt, I'd give it a B-.

Thank you very much for all the great comments guys.

I personally only knew the blonde girl because she's also on my film course, the other actors were obtained by other members of the group.

I understand that there is a lot of stuff in the film that people don't understand. The dark haired girl was supposed to be lying about Raja when he comes out of the elevator. And then you find out she was lying when you see how his girlfriend is treating him in the car later.

I was the editor and I originally did cut up the first conversation into close ups, but it didn't work because the continuity was destroyed each time because of the changing scenery in the background and I think our DoP only had 1 camera.

But thanks again guys! Very much appreciate it and I'll pass your comments on to my group.