Well I am NOT materistic I keep my life simple. I see more men trying to play the Women like Captain Save Hoe do this do that for me no I want balance. esp. when you are working like me!!!

You can give me a house plant with a balloon and card I don't need a dozen roses, it is truely the though that counts!!!

Really I keep running into men that don't have any credit and want me to use me as their personal ATM or Bank and I can't get down like that. I also try to tell them this is how you get a credit or debit card, this is how you open a bank account, interview for a job, budget a household.... just regular life things. But no they want a cook, banker, sex partner, mother for them and thier kids and other stuff as well.

PREDOMINANT said:

Interesting. Intimidated? Sounds like a fairly weak individual.

Vendetta1 said:

"Traditionally" for whom??? I don't think this has EVER been the norm in black households. Black women have historically always worked outside "the home" even when there was a husband in the household. White women on the other hand, didn't really start working outside the home in mass numbers until the 40s and even then it wasn't typical for a married white woman to do so.

Of course, there are exceptions but this was never the traditional role of black women and that hasn't changed for us. That's why I think a working wife or girlfriend isn't an issue for most bruthas but one that earns more money is usually problematic. I think, in general, it brings them face to face with a lot of the feelings of emasculation, inequality, and lack of opportunity that they face in the business world because black women have a better chance at excelling in the corporate world than they do.

PREDOMINANT said:

Sex? I can take care of that myself, too.

But I have never been the kind of woman to say I don't need a man because of what I have.

Graycap23 said:

They exist.

HamsterHuey said:

My wife gave me a house (well her family gave us part of one)

Vendetta1 said:

I was refering more to comitment/love blah blah blah. If you keep a woman happy with presents you can avoid the uncomfortable topics until later. If the woman has all that money and independance give her he has to get direct to the taboo topics.

Look my life is busy with a full time job and caring for my Grandmother I don't have time to babysit a MAN!!!!! I don't own a house or drive a fancy car but damn be able to contribute something other than your dick!!!

I don't dont see a balance in this when it come the Black male-female relationships and no I don't earn alot of money either but I still enjoy life and my hobbies!!!

Together we can accomplish a whole lot more esp. when we are on the same page about important issues.

Mach said:

PREDOMINANT said:

I know several accomplished woman that would agree with u.

PREDOMINANT said:

If all a guy has to offer is love, then that's fine too.

I keep waiting to be one of those average looking women that men marry that I keep seeing threads about.

Graycap23 said:

Ahhh, you know my wife?

I bring up taboo topics off the bat no sense in pussy-footing around. I know what I want out of life and what I will and will not tolerate.

Plus don't never ask a man a question that he can't turn right around and ask me. You will not here the words I DUNNO KNOW from my mouth when you ask me something personal about me. We have all be through some things in life but they don't have to be our end all be all!!!

rachel3 said:

I like u.....

SCNDLS said:

Good stuff, Ms. SCNDLS.

I was with a cop for several years. Me making more money than him was a huge issue and he didn't stop until he got a job where he made more. God, he was such an egotistical asshole.

PREDOMINANT said:

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Graycap23 said:

Your not too bad yourself!!! LOL!!!!!

Vendetta1 said:

Been there, done that, over it.

I think it's the natural inclination of most men to want to take care of a woman. Men also want to be taken care of - in a different way. The hard part is that each man defines "to take care of" differently. Some want to earn a living while their wife looks after home and children. In some relationships, the reverse is true.

I spent a lot of my adult life trying not to depend on a man (or anyone). I was raised to think that not being able to take care of yourself completely meant you were weak or incompetent. Letting someone else take care of you isn't weak, it's allowing them love you. It took me a looooong time to learn that.

Something as simple as letting my sweetie put salt in the water softener (rather than struggling to do it myself) or bring me wonton soup when I'm sick or having a tough tech week makes him so happy. Who am I to deny him the chance to love me in the way he wants to?

SCNDLS said:

I have NEVER DONE IT AND WON"T DO IT!!! I can't see being a stay at home house wife for no reason esp. since I don't have kids. I would lose my mind depending on a man for money and he look me in my face and tell me NO!!!! Plus if he is abusive that opens up a whole nother can of worms, no thanks!!!

PREDOMINANT said:

$ and gifts only buy the illusion that some see as love

rachel3 said:

That's not what I meant by "been there, done that" I meant that I've dealt with dudes that had a problem with me earning more than them.

Genesia said:

You and sweetie make me so happy and hopeful.

i wonder how many fellas could handle an independent woman and yet still have to take care of themselves (laundry, cooking, etc.)?

Vendetta1 said:

Mine he did it for yrs ( 100% custody of 2 young kids too ) before we began to share our lives together

our independence - being to stand 100% on our own was a huge part of the attraction to each other and 24 yrs later it still works

Mach said:

Because I grew up in a very successful household, those are the only type of women that I like.

Vendetta1 said:

Most of them don't handle it very well. And I'm not sure they should have to, frankly.

Look - it's all about give and take. There are a lot of women today who think, "I should be able to go out and work if I want. And I should never have to do housework. Or make him dinner. Or pick up his socks off the bedroom floor. Or let him spend Sunday afternoon watching football. Or have sex unless I feel 100% into it. But he should hold down a full-time job. And go 50/50 on the housework. And take me out to dinner whenever I want. And not complain if I want to go out and socialize without him. And give me exactly what I want for presents." Etc. Etc. Etc.

I had exactly this conversation with my younger sister once. She was going on and on about all the things she wanted a man to do for her (basically, the list I just made). I said, "Wow - that's a long list of what you want from a man. And just what do you bring to the table? What are you going to do for him?"

She just sat there, incredulous that I - as a woman - could even ask such questions.

Baby Sis got a lot to learn.

SCNDLS said:

I knwo what YOu meant I was just adding to it since I have seen women depend on a man financially and he was abusive!!!

Naw, I have no problem with it. I like having a female pimp ery'now'n'den.

But yeah, a lot of men feel uncomfortable with that since society teaches that men should do the "providing" and when they can't and the women can, that stings their manhood.

This, thankfully, has never been an issue for me...my mother abandoned us when I was very young, so the only mommy issue I have is when a woman tries to mother me or take on those "traditional" roles...I hate that shit with a passion!! I can take care of myself in every aspect, so an independent woman getting hers is a welcomed respite from the damsel in distress who wants a man to take care of her (yes, this creature ALSO exists)...my wife gets pissed at me because I'm always doing the housework (inside, mostly...I got teens for the outside...), and I have to sit her down and explain to her that in my world, getting the job done is more important to me than who does it...