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PrintablereneGade20 said: While I agree that modern women aren't staying in or accepting being in a bad or abusive relationship, I believe that divorce rates are high because people enter into marriage with a skewed sense of what they're getting into...they buy into the fantasy of what "marriage" is, but when some of that fantasy luster wears off, they have to be able to come up with ideas to keep things fresh and forward looking...where most divorced people go wrong, in my opinion, is that when the luster wears off, so does their interest...
....marriages aren't self-perpetuating...THEY TAKE WORK...THEY TAKE EFFORT....and if both parties are willing to deal with the crust of a motherf**ker, as Chris Rock put it, then chances are the marriage will work.... My marriage (17 years as of October) is a living testament of what works if folks are willing to work through whatever issues come up... 
Amen! | |
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my parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year!!
Simply amazing!   Life Sexy | |
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reneGade20 said: While I agree that modern women aren't staying in or accepting being in a bad or abusive relationship, I believe that divorce rates are high because people enter into marriage with a skewed sense of what they're getting into...they buy into the fantasy of what "marriage" is, but when some of that fantasy luster wears off, they have to be able to come up with ideas to keep things fresh and forward looking...where most divorced people go wrong, in my opinion, is that when the luster wears off, so does their interest...
....marriages aren't self-perpetuating...THEY TAKE WORK...THEY TAKE EFFORT....and if both parties are willing to deal with the crust of a motherf**ker, as Chris Rock put it, then chances are the marriage will work.... My marriage (17 years as of October) is a living testament of what works if folks are willing to work through whatever issues come up... That is not a new phenomenon.  | |
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JustErin said: reneGade20 said: people enter into marriage with a skewed sense of what they're getting into...they buy into the fantasy of what "marriage" is,
That is not a new phenomenon. DAMMIT!!! and there I was, thinking I'd come up with an original idea.... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above... 
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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I have been married for 25 years, so my answer would be..yes, for me it works.  | |
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Aannastesia2 said: my parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year!!
Simply amazing! Awesome! Congratulations to them. My parents are celebrating 57 years in Feb. I just celebrated my 20th anniversary. I have a great husband and our relationship gets better and stronger each year. | |
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Mach said: egyptkizzee said: I think cheating could be a major reason that a lot of marriages don't work out, whether it's the man or woman cheating. I think a marriage can work. I have accepted that when your in a relationship somebody always cheats because we as people are not made to stay with one person forever.
Untrue blanket statement
Though if you have accpeted and believe that (non)fact into your life then that is what may become of your relationships key word = may I get what your saying. I was only speaking in my own experiences. | |
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egyptkizzee said: Mach said: Untrue blanket statement
Though if you have accpeted and believe that (non)fact into your life then that is what may become of your relationships key word = may I get what your saying. I was only speaking in my own experiences.  Me too
I have been married for 20 yrs ( dated for 3 yrs prior ) I would bet my life and everything I own that my husband has not cheated and would not cheat  | |
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Empress said: Aannastesia2 said: my parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year!!
Simply amazing! Awesome! Congratulations to them. My parents are celebrating 57 years in Feb. I just celebrated my 20th anniversary. I have a great husband and our relationship gets better and stronger each year. Thank you Empress and  Congrats to you and to your parents!! Life Sexy | |
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It does work when both parties understand it...
It's not only a 50/50 deal...I see it as 100/100 If you only give half of you, it doesn't work! Some people always think they're in love but what they are in love with is the idea of love but really don't know what it really means. To me it means giving oneself wholey and having the other do the same and if you still accept the other's faults, imperfections, and everything else that goes on with it, as much as the other accepts you - you will be ok! So it does work...  Um... let me warm up my vocals
Me ME ME ME ME...U U U U U! | |
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Angelic1302 said: It does work when both parties understand it...
It's not only a 50/50 deal...I see it as 100/100 If you only give half of you, it doesn't work! Some people always think they're in love but what they are in love with is the idea of love but really don't know what it really means. To me it means giving oneself wholey and having the other do the same and if you still accept the other's faults, imperfections, and everything else that goes on with it, as much as the other accepts you - you will be ok! So it does work... I agree 100% / 100% each 50 - 50 to me leaves doors open for disaster | |
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To some 50/50 symbolizes that both ppl in the relationship are equal partners. Not about each one giving 50 %
Just depends on how you look at it. | |
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this is beautiful.. all the accounts in the thread prove marriage can work  | |
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Yeah it can work. If you can find a chick that you love to chill with and play with. No jealousy allowed. Im loyal, I stand by my significant other, so dont second guess me and make up stuff out of insecurity. Thats what dont work. | |
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JustErin said: That totally depends on what "works" means.
As for those who think these rates are higher now because people just give up too easy. I really don't think that's the case at all. Rates are higher because women (in particular) are no longer willing to just settle for a husband that treats them horribly (in whatever way). I strongly believe that rates would have been the same in the past of women felt they had the power and support to end bad relationships. Notice that the rates are lower in countries that are notorious for repressing women? Coincidence? I don't think so. back in the old days, a divorcee was a social outcast, marriage was all about ENDURANCE | |
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reneGade20 said: While I agree that modern women aren't staying in or accepting being in a bad or abusive relationship, I believe that divorce rates are high because people enter into marriage with a skewed sense of what they're getting into...they buy into the fantasy of what "marriage" is, but when some of that fantasy luster wears off, they have to be able to come up with ideas to keep things fresh and forward looking...where most divorced people go wrong, in my opinion, is that when the luster wears off, so does their interest...
....marriages aren't self-perpetuating...THEY TAKE WORK...THEY TAKE EFFORT....and if both parties are willing to deal with the crust of a motherf**ker, as Chris Rock put it, then chances are the marriage will work.... My marriage (17 years as of October) is a living testament of what works if folks are willing to work through whatever issues come up... the thing men probably don't realise is that women got modern, and their expectations of men got modern  | |
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my parents have been married for 31 years. 
i do think marriage can work, i believe in it! for sure! you really have to be sure it's to the right person, make sure you BOTH are ready for a life together. i almost married a guy 8 years ago that was wrong for me! thank God i didn't!!! i may have never found my husband. | |
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7 years 10 months. It's worked this far. | |
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Yes, they can work. Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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From what I've observed, yes. | |
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MRGee said: Seems like when you are dating everything is ROSES,but get married and it's Doggie Doo!
Marriage is a lot of effing work and a lot of effing patience, but the best thing about it is you have someone to share your life with. [Edited 12/4/08 21:15pm] | |
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Maybe number 3 is the PERFECT number.  | |
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Don't know, never tried it. | |
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pplrain said: MRGee said: Seems like when you are dating everything is ROSES,but get married and it's Doggie Doo!
Marriage is a lot of effing work and a lot of effing patience,but the best thing about it is you have someone to share your life with.
[Edited 12/4/08 21:15pm] So sweet that brought a tear to my eye.  | |
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ZombieKitten said: reneGade20 said: the thing men probably don't realise is that women got modern, and their expectations of men got modern I disagree to a point...I think men more than realize that women and their expectations got modern...it's just that some men can't handle that they have to come to the center and accept some of the roles that were automatically assigned to women...hell, I know guys who still have issues changing their kids diapers because, in perfect Cro-Magnon, "that's HER job!"...and THAT expectation is about as modern as cable TV, so some men have years of catching up to do...my nickname among some of my old buds is "HouseBitch" because I do the cleaning and laundering without prompting or overblown arguments... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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reneGade20 said: ZombieKitten said: the thing men probably don't realise is that women got modern, and their expectations of men got modern I disagree to a point...I think men more than realize that women and their expectations got modern...it's just that some men can't handle that they have to come to the center and accept some of the roles that were automatically assigned to women...hell, I know guys who still have issues changing their kids diapers because, in perfect Cro-Magnon, "that's HER job!"...and THAT expectation is about as modern as cable TV, so some men have years of catching up to do...my nickname among some of my old buds is "HouseBitch" because I do the cleaning and laundering without prompting or overblown arguments... I agree | |
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reneGade20 said: ZombieKitten said: the thing men probably don't realise is that women got modern, and their expectations of men got modern I disagree to a point...I think men more than realize that women and their expectations got modern...it's just that some men can't handle that they have to come to the center and accept some of the roles that were automatically assigned to women...hell, I know guys who still have issues changing their kids diapers because, in perfect Cro-Magnon, "that's HER job!"...and THAT expectation is about as modern as cable TV, so some men have years of catching up to do...my nickname among some of my old buds is "HouseBitch" because I do the cleaning and laundering without prompting or overblown arguments... 
sounds de-lovely due to the content i suggest you like this... | |
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sweet said: reneGade20 said: I disagree to a point...I think men more than realize that women and their expectations got modern...it's just that some men can't handle that they have to come to the center and accept some of the roles that were automatically assigned to women...hell, I know guys who still have issues changing their kids diapers because, in perfect Cro-Magnon, "that's HER job!"...and THAT expectation is about as modern as cable TV, so some men have years of catching up to do...my nickname among some of my old buds is "HouseBitch" because I do the cleaning and laundering without prompting or overblown arguments...
sounds de-lovely ...set to the tune of "HouseQuake"...  He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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I think when you make the choice to be married you have to have some perspective. The use of perspective is when times get challenging and you're put to the test. It's like the reason we got married was because of this, that and the other, REMEMBER? This little thing that's irritating me right now, or this random hormonal break down that's happening right now, oh yeah, they will pass. I'm sure it works both ways, I just have my own perspective to work with.
Then there's communication. If there's something you want or don't want, then speak up. Not a year from now or next month, the minute or day you have the thought. You may find that I don't mind adapting for you or that it really is not important for me as it is for you. So doing something you like just requires you to tell me. It's when "he's being an asshole" moments all gather and fester and then come out during an argument about nothing, that's the beginning of non-communication. It's a two-way street and compromise along with respecting each others differences will keep you together for years even after the honeymoon has worn off. It's a far stretch from what's programmed into our heads our whole life. Reality sometimes makes people run in fear. Then again, sometimes people just settle for anyone so that they aren't lonely, which is sad. I've recently gotten married and it wasn't because every woman I dated didn't want to be married. It just took this long in my life to understand what marriage is and how to keep from throwing in the towel when things get rough. [Edited 12/5/08 9:07am] | |
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Slave2daGroove said: I think when you make the choice to be married you have to have some perspective. The use of perspective is when times get challenging and you're put to the test. It's like the reason we got married was because of this, that and the other, REMEMBER? This little thing that's irritating me right now, or this random hormonal break down that's happening right now, oh yeah, they will pass. I'm sure it works both ways, I just have my own perspective.
Then there's communication. If there's something you want or don't want, then speak up. Not a year from now or next month, the minute or day you have the thought. You may find that I don't mind adapting or it really is not as important for me as it is for you so doing something you like just requires you to tell me. It's when "he's being an asshole" moments all gather and fester and then come out during an argument about nothing, that's the beginning of non-communication. It's a two-way street and compromise along with respecting each others differences will keep you together for years even after the honeymoon has worn off. I've recently gotten married and it wasn't because every woman I dated didn't want to be married. It just took this long in my life to understand what marriage is and how to keep from throwing in the towel when things get rough.  Amen | |
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