Moonbeam said:

It just doesn't make sense to me to have the hassle of a committed relationship (ie arguments, boredom & nagging) without the benefits (ie someone you can truly be yourself with)

NDRU said:

Moonbeam said:

oh, you know, real life and its challenges

I may not know exactly why men cheat, but i know why women do.

Ok....so we've talked about men and why they cheat....but, as I sat on the throne for vespers this morning, I wondered aloud why we haven't talked about women who target married men...women who, when told by a man that they are married, keep coming on strong...

....and before I get "it doesn't matter, because the guy is still in a position to say no" arguement, understand thats not my point...I'm trying to get to the mentality and reasoning of a single woman targeting married men...

reneGade20 said:

Women are whores sweetie.

Stymie said:

reneGade20 said:

My honest opinion is that if a woman really wants a man, a little thing like him being married is not going to matter to her. Some women relish in the fact that they are going after another woman's property. Some women like the fact that a married man is considered stable and less likely to pass on a disease to them.

reneGade20 said:

Actually, I've never understood this either. I have a very close girlfriend who almost exclusively dates married men. She doens't approach them but after she finds out they're married she doesn't end the relationship. Not surprisingly, it's made her very distrustful of men and anti-marriage. Shit, I'm like that without having to fuck some married muthafucka.

SCNDLS said:

Hearing the stories I've heard here and otherwise, I don't know that I'd ever trust a man.

Stymie said:

...you forgot to mention, also, that a married man (in most instances) will make with the boons and gifts to keep the mistress quiet....

SCNDLS said:

My male friends are the ones that turned me off to relationships period, let alone marriage. I figure I am gonna just be alone because women are fucked up, too.

reneGade20 said:

Low self esteem - they get off on "taking" a man from someone else.
Or could be they prefer not to get romantically involved and know a man who's already married is going to keep it just sex and fun.
Or maybe they just don't care, will take any attention they can get - which is really the low self esteem thing again.

reneGade20 said:

Why would a guy do that to himself? But then again, I don't understand getting into a committed relationship or marraige when you want to fuck other people. It's a huge difference when it's something that's not intentional but some guys are just bad.

CarrieMpls said:

It's crazy. Some of her relationships started before the men were married and have continued for 10-15 years now. Some have even moved to other states, yet arrange rendezvous all over the country. The funny thing is that she doesn't "want" these guys and has NO desire to be married. She says the sex is great and she's just glad that she's not married to their triflin asses. In most cases the wives know and stay so her attitude is they need to keep their men in check or .

Stymie said:

thank you for this honesty

CarrieMpls said:

... so, why isn't the concept of low self-esteem (the need for ego pacification and attention) be applied to the cheating man? I've had this particular conversation far too many times for my tastes, but it never surprises me that a cheating man is a dog...he's no good...but a woman who "targets" married men gets to play the esteem card....

reneGade20 said:

I was involved with a married man once. Someone I knew for years and it had nothing to do with my self-esteem. it dealt with convenience and familiarity. I can be a big enough person to say it was a very "dog" thing for me to do. Fucked up and I paid the consequences for it.

Now, I do believe some men cheat, married or not because of self-esteem issues. some of my married male friends are not treated right and instead of leaving they stay with these people and cheat because the other woman provides them with the attention they crave. It is not so easy to walk away. From family, from a life these guys have made for themselves, from the women they have amrried that do they do love.

I tell anyone that I know in a relationship, amrried ro not, that communication is key. No one wants to feel like they are not being heard.

Stymie said:

Look, I make no bones about my indiscretions...I've spoken to them here more than once...and like I've said my sin was ego and pride...being married for that many years and (erroneously or not) feeling taken for granted...so when a 19 year old took interest, I fell for the okey-doke...so it wasn't so much a wanting to "fuck" other people for me...it was more of a "damn, maybe I'm really NOT that lame/old/insert other derogatory adjective here" that some men experience....good or bad, right or wrong, sometimes with the right "encouragement", those feelings I mentioned above serve as the right mix for a bad experiment...

reneGade20 said:

And that's why I made the distinction: i have read about your indiscretions and I don't view you as just wanting to fuck other people. she stroked your ego. Hell, I have a beautiful 24 year old woman that is stroking my 39 year old ego right now. She could probably talk me into anything she wants.

I can't take back the things I've done but only try to learn from them.

Stymie said:

my slow ass was typing my response after you posted your answer to the original post....

I feel ya...and I truly appreciate your candor...its refreshing!!

reneGade20 said:

Thanks. As is yours.

like i said before some person tried to back door me without even knowing what i said! ! ! ! ! ! .....women are retarded.....and your insecurityisshowing
[Edited 10/25/08 17:52pm]

ZombieKitten said:

Why does real life have to get in the way of only having eyes for your spouse?

Stymie said:

You're absolutely right. It is all about communication and making each other feel that that are being heard, and hopefully understood.

Stymie

As a young male, I was a notorious cheater. I did it mainly for the satisfaction of bedding as many women as I possibly could. I'm from a Caribbean background and that's what men do in those parts. It's almost expected that all men cheat. I also did it to boost my status in my social circle. I did love the one I was with and thought that it wasn't bad if they didn't find out, but they usually do in the end anyway.
The thing is, when I did decide to settle down with the "one", she cheated on me. I felt devastated, humiliated and like a fucking fool.
I don't cheat anymore because I now know what it feels like to be cheated on and I never want to put anyone through those emotions ever again.
I figure if I have to cheat on you, I just won't be with you anymore.
Maybe I just grew up ... finally.

dseann said:

may I ask you.. how? what I mean is.. why did you stay with her, if you wanted other women? and I know you said cause you love her, was it cause you didn't want to loose her? . I'm trying to find the rational in when guys say... 'but I did love her' ..
[Edited 10/25/08 19:38pm]

Flowers2 said:

I didn't cheat because of any deficiencies in my relationships. I was just a childish, selfish and greedy person. I figured if I wasn't found out, no harm no foul. I did see the way the women I cheated on my girl with would look at her with scorn when we were out together and got a sense that the "other woman" wasn't really that much into me, but more like they had a strong dislike or envy of my girlfriend.

dseann said:

Wait. You fucked broads that KNEW/HAD ACCESS to YOUR BROAD?

Yeah, you WANTED to get caught and you WANTED drama . I know people that are "into" drama, some even addicted to it.

dseann said:

.. ok so you're saying the other women weren't that into you.. but your girl was... and this is why you stayed with your girlfriend... I thank you for your response .... I just wanted to know why guys stay with the girlfriend... if having a bunch a chicks is that easy... why not just stay single and continue that path with tons of women? instead of having a relationship....