I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about gender roles. He told me I don't need a man because I am the breadwinner for my family but I feel I need a man (companionship, friendship, hot sex on a platter) and would even break my independence for the right guy. I've had a long standing belief that I want my man to stay at home and take care of my household because I didn't believe it makes a man less than a man to do so. I also don't think a man is less than a man if he is emotional, shows his sensitive side or cries. Sexually, if a man likes something a little freaky, he's still a man to me.

Is there a real definition of what a man is or are we all just hung up on what society says? I think sometimes that part of my definition may be based in tradition.

Stymie said:

Has a penis, otherwise they can act dress be or do whatever they want

ThirdandFinal said:

I'd add, he has to have a grown up penis. Otherwise he's a boy.



But then there's also the transgendered/transitioning/whatever you call it folks. In those cases I consider them to be whatever they consider themselves to be, regardless of parts.

Imago said:

oh lawd.....

Stymie said:

I think the roles of who does what in a relationship are defined by whoever is in that relationship and it's silly to call someone less of their gender based on what they do or don't do.

Does anyone else find humor in this type of discussion taking place on a Prince fansite?

Imago said:

This hasn't been a Prince fansite in years

this is gonna sound like a joke (or even worse sexist), but i seriously think this is the answer:


by "law" (whatever that law may be, however that law may exist, wherever, whenever, whyever and so on and so on)


a man is whatever a woman isn't and cannot be. and a woman is whatever a man isn't and could never be.



...history has shown genders hop back and forth on "both sides of the rule/norm multiple times

yet throughout time...there has always been a clear (if still not-so-clear) line drawn that seperates. whatever that intagible inherent difference is...is what makes a man a man and a woman a woman...but only cuz we have the other there to complete us.regardless of the job or repsonsibility attribute to the sex by the standards of the times.


don't ask me to define blackness tho...that's a toughy

Imago said:

Why? I think of Prince as a man. even though I don't wanna do him.

SirPsycho said:

Okay, so are you saying you define a man as one who cannot make children and women as those who cannot impregnate? I can't think of any other thing that the genders can't do besides that.

Stymie said:

no....not really, even tho that is true and part of it....its more so about the way we're wired....i'm led to believe (tho i dont know for sure, cuz i'm really just now starting to become "a man") that the survival of each respective gender demands certain traits/responses/etc. particular to said gender...that we have to be wired a certain way for the unconsious benefit of our species...yes, that would lead us directly towards childbirth, but procreating isn't enough...but then again, i'm also led to believe we (humans in general) are here for a greater purpose (don't ask me what the purpose is tho)

but to answer your question no...


it's more along the lines of..there are perspectives, and again "laws", attributed to each gender that the other gender will never and can never comprehend, tho we all act accordingly- in spite of, and because of, this

which leads me to aknowledge a clear definition tho i cannot "define" it anyway but abstract




actually, the answer to your question can only come from your definition of your own womanhood and that which your womanhood "cannot" provide...if you can answer (beyond what you previously stated) "..why you feel you want/need 'a man'.. " then you'll have the answer to what a man is to you (and arguably all a man need be to be defined as "man" to you)

Uh, uhhhhh, can i get back to you on that one?

For me, beeing a man is something physically, the soul of a man or woman can be what you want it too be.

SirPsycho said:

I don't agree. At all. This makes no sense to me. What someone may look for in a mate is not what makes up that gender.

CarrieMpls said:

Exactly. Like I said, I may want my mate to stay home and take care of the household while I work and traditionally that role is/was served by a woman.

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

Attitude on both parties is a major component, and from what I'm understanding and learning it takes a lot of conscious work that most people don't want to undertake.

What man?
Which man?
Who's the man?
When's a man a man?
What makes a man a man?
Am I a man?
Yes. Technically I am.

CarrieMpls said:

that's why i said to her...


think of it in the case of God or religion...

if she defines God as "Allah"...then she will only know him, call him, and understand him as "Allah"...

no other definition will suffice, because as she thinks/believe, so shall be her reality (which to an indiviual theoretically is the only reality that exists..or the only possible reality)

do you see what i mean?

i made it "her" specific at the end, because ultimately this post was promted by a discussion with her friend on whether or why she needs or wants a man


i hope this makes sense to somebody..cuz i do know what you mean carrie

I have no idea.It depends on who you're asking.
I can really only tell you what isn't a man but even then it would just be my opinion.

Most of the time? no fucking idea I don't understand 99% of them

Stymie said:

Now see, I would stay home for you and do all that household stuff, and I ain't a "man"

geez. who cares!





as long as he gets me hot

Imago said:

Dan!!!




Your avatar!

SoDamnFunky said:

Hot damn.

<----- Man

hokie said:

At one time you appreciated my art

roodboi said:<----- Man Whore

roodboi said:

Do you consider someone a man if he cries or if he wants to stay home and raise the kids?