Has there been and event in your relationship ( marriage, partnership or whatever ) that resulted in major shifts ?

Were they positive and how so ?

Were the negitive and how so ?


The past 3.5 yrs in my relationship with Michael was shifted in different ways by the experience of prostate cancer and everything that came/comes with that.


so

what about you ?

With my ex girlfriend there were several major shifts, namely with a bout of depression I had a few years ago. She wasn't really there for me and it caused us to drift apart. Though we came back to each other several times on and off, each time, it was more or less an arrangement of 'familiarity'. It changed everything--my level of confidence, trust, and my expectations from those that I am intimate with.

Imago said:

Thinking back to my marriage, yeah, there were a few ...

Us having a child, obviously...It shifted our marriage into an actual marriage instead of just a different form of dating lol...(well, at least for me).

Her brother coming to live with us for something like 5-7 years definitely caused a shift in our relationship...the three of us became three roommates instead of husband & wife and relative, especially with our apartment being as small as it was. In retrospect it may have helped negate whatever intimacy that might have formed naturally after our daughter's birth...Not that he was the cause of anything, really, as much as it may have helped facilitate our move towards a more "best friends" type of marriage instead of one of husband and wife.

My returning to college and going to art school I think caused a shift as well, one to which my ex-wife and I started living separate lives...between full-time work and full-time classes, I was basically living a life separate from her, and the time I was able to be at home was devoted to spending it with my daughter. I also started really connecting with my true self while within the environment of art school, I felt one million percent at home there, sometimes more than in my actual home.

If there was another shift, it would have been the time my ex confided in me her thoughts of suicide ...to the point that she reached for a knife and ran it across her wrist in front of me while in the middle of an argument. It shifted my thinking into being her protector moreso than her partner...

Imago said:

Especially you being gay, of course.

HamsterHuey said:

Mach said:

That's the thing, hun, life just goes on; I see it in the lives of so many people I love. Relationships buckle under stress or get stronger. It's just how you stand inside the relationship and what you are in it for.

Life changing experiences have so many ways of influencing chenistry between people. But also stuff like taking eachother for granted. I suppose there are just a few that can take stuff into stride naturally and I think that 99.99% of the people in relationship have to work hard to keep it going.

HamsterHuey said:

So true




I'm still striding along would take a HELL of a lot more to make this ole gal think of buckling under

Mach said:

I now opt for remaining relationship free. Issues solved.

Event: bought my ex a drag bike

Positive: He became a very successful nitro Harley drag racer. He won many championships, got to travel, and made many friends. I learned a lot more about running the machine shop because he was on the road so much. I bagan to ralize that I liked it a lot better when he was gone.

Negative: It took a lot of hard work to keep the business going and the kids looked after and the farm/horses tended to after his first crash. I had to drive him to Canada to get an award and I remember him getting up to give his speech and he thanked absolutely everyone for everything.....except me. Not the beginning of the end, just the turning point.

Event: second serious crash on a race bike (over 200mph)

Positive: A lot was learned about skin grafts, plates and screws to hold bones together, broken backs, medivac. Realized that whatever friendship we had share along the way was in serious jeopardy. Time to move on.

Negative:It really sucked sitting in the county hospital in Phoenix for three weeks while they put him back together. (It did however give me time to finish the beadwork on my bellydance costume. )

We are divorced now and we are both happier and remain friends.
And yes, he still races on occasion.