This is somewhat inspired by amorbella's compliment thread.

Often I see people whom I'd LOVE to genuinely compliment. Many times I just do it (usually when I'm with my wife), but perhaps more often I shrink. Just the other day I was alone at an Apple Store, and I saw a clerk there who was absolutely beautiful in her own little emo girl way. She just had an arresting, yet very understated presence. I wanted to tell her so. But I considered how freaky it might be on her end to be approached at work by some strange male customer, older, physically bigger, a different ethnicity... and I said nothing.

I felt like crap later -- not so much because I'd have been doing her a favor (she very well could have known she was amazing), but because human relations are such that I'd have to even consider there could be tension in simply telling a person I was appreciating them.

So the questions: How do you feel when strangers give you compliments? Does it automatically frighten you or weird you out? Does it matter who they are? Do you assume they want something? And how could a person pay you a compliment in such a way that you felt it was sincere and non-threatening?
[Edited 8/16/08 9:45am]

If you're giving an honest compliment and leave it at that, there's no need to worry.
When that happens to me, I usually blush a bit and smile and say thank you. And I mean it.

When it gets creepy is when someone then leers or stares or otherwise makes me uncomfortable.

it depends on how it's done.
if an older man comes up to me and tells me that i'm beautiful, smiles, and then walks away then it doesn't creep me out at all.

if an older man comes up to me, tells me that i'm beautiful while leering at me in an overtly sexual manner and then asks for my number then it's a bit creepy. Actually, it's less than creepy and more annoying.

AAAAAmen.

When the stranger is a woman or a gay man I am not assuming they want anything and I enjoy it. When it's a man, it depends on the circumstances. IMO the men who are hesitating if they should say anything at all are most likely the ones who make the nicest compliments as they really think about what they say and how they say it.

What I dont like is when I'm doing something like eating and somebody interrupts my meal by sitting at the empty chair and tries to strike up a conversation. It got to the point where I stopped going out to lunch during my lunch hours because I couldn't eat in peace.

I mean, compliments are nice but sometimes your like WTF! I dont owe you anything but a thank you, move on. The nicest compliment I ever got? Well...a guy was on the other side of the street near a flower stand. I was waiting for the light so I could cross. He ran up to me, gave me a bundle of yellow roses he bought from the nearby stand and said "You are so beautiful that I wanted to give you something" and he continued on his way. He didn't even ask my name.

The guy who annoyed me most? A cabbie. He started honking his horn at me, telling me I'm beautiful. He then blocked up traffic in downtown Boston and refused to move unless I would shake his hand and accept his telephone number. Because of the ambulance trying to get through...I felt I had to.

Oh...and then there is this guy who was apparently staring at my ass....(I had no idea) and he rearended the guy in front of him and got out and started yelling at me for distracting him!!!! (And no...I dont dress provacatively...not that it should matter....)

StillGotIt said:

That's cool!

StillGotIt said:

I have been hit on more times than I can count by cab drivers and I find it utterly dispicable. Because more often than not, I'm taking a cab home alone, late at night, after having cocktails (which is why I'm taking a cab). And now he knows where I live. It's bordering on predatory. I hate it.

i was going to post a thread about this today too

i'm sending out a big thank you to the girl who works at the Black Market (the upstairs ones) on Queen st. in Toronto.

I never got her name. She's in a band and has bright red hair. And she's really pretty!

I went up to cash something out and she just outright told me how pretty and beautiful she thinks i am and how she really digs my curves and that she's happy to see girls with curves more often, especially ones that dress hipsterish or rock-ish - she was like 'i wear those clothes better than them skinny bimbos, and you do too! really well!'

we had like a 10 minute conversation about how men need to stick up more for the curvy girls if they apparently are turned on by us so much...


but it just made me feel awesome to have someone just outright pay me a compliment like that... it gave my whole day a totally new vibe and I'll never forget her

JasmineFire said:

That's why I wear my TCB shades.

I get compliments on my tattoos or my physique - I'm not much of a talker, so I just smile, say thanks and move on. Sometimes they take it further and ask about my workout routine or who designed my ink. I just get weirded out by the nuts who invade my personal space, looking me up and down, trying to inspect my ink. I'm like, whoa! All kind of freaks here in NYC.

sammij said:

That's really cool. Maybe when I see the girl at the Apple Store again, I'll just tell her what I think.

Lammastide said:

you totally should.
it's all about the delivery - if you're nice and not creepy about it, you should be fine

I don't like them. They make me uncomfortable so I tend to ignore them...which probably comes off as arrogant, but whatever.

And I just have to say that I love how skinny chicks are alway "bimbos". Thin automatically = stupid and shallow, I guess.
[Edited 8/16/08 12:13pm]

it's what she said.

I can handle compliments about my clothes, hair, sunglasses, purses, shoes, etc; and in fact, I love those kind of compliments. That is complimenting my style and that makes me feel good. I'm comfortable with my style and I believe the person who's complimenting me.

I get embarrassed when I receive compliments about how I look. I'm not comfortable with my physical appearance and I have a hard time believing the person is being honest, especially men. I usually feel they're trying to get laid or I think they're making fun of me to my face and they think I'm too stupid to know it.

sammij said:

No, no...I know you were just quoting her.

But you said almost the exact same thing in another thread recently so I got a giggle out of hearing it...and I hear it from many others too.

JustErin said:

http://prince.org/msg/100/278856 reply no 23

I noticed it too and as much as I like sammi I thought that was not a nice thing to say .

JuliePurplehead said:

Exactly. Complimenting a stranger is worlds different than complimenting someone you know. A man (or woman, for that matter) going up to a woman and telling her how beautiful she is is just creepy. I'm sorry - but it is. Better not to be quite so personal - compliment her on her hair...or her smile...or her outfit.

Otherwise it comes off as - which is threatening.

Serious said:

so sue me... sorry if you took that personally.

sammij said:

I don't think it was your intention to hurt anybody. Sometimes we say things without realizing they may come across in a different way than we think they do. I remember I said something some time ago that made you feel bad without having been my intention either .
Apart from that bimbo comment I liked your compliment story as it was a good example of a compliment that makes you feel better which should be what a compliment is all about.

"If you see me walking down the street one day,
Don't say nothin' to me (no no nothin')..."

compliments are always nice! i enjoy them ! don't get as many now from strangers that i used to get now that i gained some weight after having my son. but that's fine....i get them still once in awhile...and the ones that i get all the time from my husband and son are the ones that really count in my book! and from good friends.

there is a line you can cross though where it becomes creepy! you don't want to hover over the person for God sake! that's just

Serious said:

i just didn't realize people watched what I said (of all people) so closely.
now that i know that...

sammij said:

CarrieMpls said:

I agree....Cabbies scare the hell outta me.

I was at school with this girl who was pretty intense. One of the first things she said to me was that I had really great voice. The next day she told me she had dreamt about me....
I scared me a little at first, but she is actually ne of my favorite people and i love that she says whatever comes into her head... so refreshing

I never compliment strangers. I don't feel the need to vocalize what I'm feeling and since we don't know how strangers are gonna react it's just better to say nothing. I might give a quick nod or a smile if the body language indicates it's okay. Otherwise it's a no go.

I don't agonize over whether I should say something because whether the lady in question is wary of unwanted attention, is in a bad mood, or is generally shy doesn't matter. Saying something would either make them uncomfortable or unhappy. If they are making eye contact with me then I know it's probably okay to say something. They'd still only get a nod or smile though, and that's if I weren't wary of unwanted attention, in a bad mood, etc.

In a social setting however, all bets are off. Nothing I've said applies in that case. In fact, if my friend Mr. Daniels is with me I'd say the opposite is true.

StillGotIt said:

that's really sad... I've had one bad experience with a taxi driver... it was pretty horrible.. but I have not let that stop me from sitting up front and having a chat. often my favorite part of the evening. sitting up front with the driver is one of those things that makes me proud to be australian.

I will also express my gratitude for the conversation at the end of the trip...
'it's been a pleasure meeting you'


It's a shame we don't compliment more really. I wish I didn't feel restrained from giving compliments... you know... if I thought a guy was handsome i wish i didn't feel too embarrassed to say so

Lammastide said:

It weirds me out lol ...probably because I usually don't believe they're being sincere. Maybe because I don't necessarily see much about myself that would make a complete stranger want to comment.

I once had a male telemarketer, one who sounded older than me, compliment me profusely on my voice...I thought "O-kaaaay" lol, and thanked him. He said something like "We don't get nearly enough compliments in our lives, do you realize that? We should show more appreciation for each other as human beings, and not be afraid to let others know that they have value" (more or less said that, anyway lol)...That still sticks in my head, and I've found myself giving compliments a LOT more after that, because it really is true.