Well, I aint get caught in the act, but she did run through a brothers email, cell phone, text messages, credit card charges, and even called and talked to the chick I've been fucking with for about a year now.

So yeah, what now? I love my wife, got history n all, we know how to handle money, it aint never an been an issue, but for the past 6 years in our marriage, i probably been intimate 10 times, and dont even think about saying the word fellatio, aint happening, wasnt like this the first 2 years of the marriage; it was like some porn movie shit, but since then been rebuffed on anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc, went to counseling, the marriage counselor told me to leave, and the whole time, i'm playing that be a good supportive husband role hanging in there being told be patient with me, then it was just recently diagnosed she has a condition that causes a diminished libido and general mood swing and she just started treatment to treat it. When she found out that after 8 years of practical celibacy in the marriage, i finally had to have my needs met. So now we at a crossroads cuz everybody like you violated, she having 2nd thoughts about working it out, but at the core am i wrong?

Yes, you are wrong.

If she doesn't ever feel like having sex, she probably will have a difficult time understanding your needs (and having them met elsewhere).

Stymie said:

Ditto.

Well it's funny that i find a thread like this... I'm single but i've been involed with someone who's not and the relationship was uncovered this past Sunday...I don't think your wrong 6 yrs is a long time to be neglected, But i hope that now you guys know why she didn't want to be intimate and she has begun treatment you can get pass this

banks said:

co-sign.

Best wishes on working through this and trying to do what's best for all involved.

It isn't going to be easy nor should it ( for you ! )

I, in my heart can not justly say you are wrong - nor right

I believe that you have created for yourself exactly what you need to grow as a person and become a better human. It is a shame though that in that process you have deeply hurt another person.

Sorry, I agree with the marriage counselor! You should have left when you had the chance. She knows that she's not fulfilling your needs and haven't been for quite sometime, yet she's playing detective on you.

I sincerely hope things do work out for the best, for all parties concerned, just watch her because I'm sure you know, hell hath no fury and all that.

First it seems as though that sex is very important to you in a marriage. Just to let you know many marriages have sex issues...mainly diminished sex life. This can be due to many things. It's part of marriage.

Secondly, when it was discovered that she had sexual issues, did either of you ever discuss what that means? Communicate each others needs and maybe try and find a solution that didn't invole you cheating.

And yes at the core you were wrong.

superspaceboy said:

I understand the reasoning, i don't agree with your choice.
Cheating is cheating.
I have been there, as far as the no sex thing goes,get out or sort it is the bottom line.
And don't be pullin' that "i love her shit" love is selfless (on both sides) If you love her, sort it or end it, for both your sakes. If she ain't fucking you she ain't connected to you simple, that isn't good for anyone.

Sorry to tell it straight bro
[Edited 8/9/08 13:26pm]

This is something...I hope you can find a way to work things out.

.

Well, homeboy, I'm gonna say this...you should have read my thread and listened.

http://prince.org/msg/100/278536

I don't care if your wife has done something terrible to you. Cheating is not the answer. And a woman's fury is nothing to fool with. Once they're burnt, you're history. And once they're pissed, it's best not to hang around. A woman's fury is worse than being barefoot on a tin roof top in 110 degrees Arizona weather.


.
[Edited 8/9/08 12:23pm]

Ask John Edwards. Men

Mach said:

Ditto.
This is a sore subject for me.
You're going to regret it.

U're lucky you still have hands to type with.

You were wrong.

Lame move.

cheating is cheating.....
You are blessed to have a wife, no matter what the circumstances. What is it, umm. "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"??

I think its time for you to leave....she deserves better

you have cheating, then you have not cheating.
Then you have semi-cheating or semi-not-cheating.
Depends on how you look at it.
Its like the glass half empty half full thing.
good luck with your next sexcapades.

I guess it would be easy for me to sit here and judge you and tell you what you should do.
All I can do is suggest some therapy for both of you to help with the underlying issues at hand and help her heal.
[Edited 8/9/08 13:28pm]

Marrysharronsluvchild said:

For those reason's you should really leave her alone and let her heal, emotionally, mentally and physically.

And yes you were wrong

Your not really asking if you were wrong are you? You alone are responsible for your own behavior. Dont blame anyone else

may i suggest visiting another forum.
obviously the popular opinion is you are wrong.
But if you visit another site, they might think its okay.
Then you will feel much better.

horatio said:

This happened to a good friend of mine, recently. Issues preceded the cheating, but she discovered her husband's philandering through an errant text message. And his yarn of lies unraveled pretty quickly.

Sad, for all involved.

horatio said:

It seems like, if he ISN'T wrong, than does she hold the blame for not putting out? I don't think it is right to displace blame for his cheating.

Sorry dude, gotta go with yes. Sounds like the balls in her court. How'd you feel if the situation were reversed? Betrayed?

Cinnie said:

i wonder why anyone has to be blamed in situations like this. Its all human nature all the way around the board. the only thing i find bizarre is humans' conditioning that we can only love or fuck one other person and that all feeling are lost or do not exist for others. but hurt feeling happen when people believe in this kind of BS.

horatio said:

Well, two things can happen: people make a marraige vow to say they will be together through sickness and in health. If one of the parties can't live up to that, then that party should not make that promise. It is a huge deal. I'd never get married because I don't expect someone could stay with one person all their lives.