You people are WAY TOO HARD on the this guy and WAY TOO SOFT on his wife.

Yes dude should have made his issues clear to her and should have dropped her ass before he let his dick out. That is definetely his fault, but that doesn't excuse his sorry ass of a "wife" for hardly giving him anything for 6 years.

Six fucking years. Not 6 days, 6 weeks or even months. No YEARS. That people can justify this and burn down the man who has to endure that is beyond me. That crap should have woken her ass up too. She shouldn't be suprised or hurt one bit that he is fucking around. And if she really is suprised or hurt, she is one dumb type of woman who doesn't understand a thing about men.

But I am sure she isn't and this is just another one of those "happy marriages" that end up in divorce with the kids, the hosue and the money going to the wife because the husband couldn't keep his dick in his pants when she didn't give him any.

Oh and btw I have never been married and probably never will either!

"Do it like she like it, so your baby won't sleep around"

I mean, this shit goes for women too, even when he IS doing it but not the way she likes it (ask prince ).

If your man doesn't give you anything, you aren't going to stay "faithfull" to him either.

Tremolina said:

Oh Tremolina. Don't you know it's never ever the wife's fault?

Stymie said:

What? It's always the wife's fault!

Seriously, I feel bad for any married man that gets treated like that by their "wifes". Fuck that, if you call him an ass for not sticking to his wedding vows she doesn't keep hers either by being such a bitch. I eman, sure there can be reasons not to have sex. But six years!!??

yes, you hurt her terribly by not honouring your vows. I myself am guilty of this.


work it out with the wife.

I would hope that any husband would have more respect for his wife and their marriage than to let things go like that for 6 yrs and not try to correct it, then have an affair, then air their personal business on a website so his point of view is the only one that is seen.
There's always two ppl in the wrong when a marriage falls apart like this.

CalhounSq said:

Thanks for the advice. I was beginning to feel useless to him, or not needed, but I guess I just need to calm down and stop worrying so much. Its just I always like to help someone who is in pain, and not use to just stepping away, but its something I'm forced to learn right now. I hate seeing him in so much pain, but I know I can't take it away.

SUPRMAN said:

Thanks for the advice. I feel somewhat better. Please see my response to CalhounSq above.
[Edited 8/11/08 8:06am]

missfee said:

Yea, it's a trippy spot to be in - wanting to do more & him not letting you. But you've offered & tried, just be there for him when he IS ready to lean on you

Dead wrong.....it's time 2 move on.

CalhounSq said:

thanks

Marrysharronsluvchild said:

I don't play into this "wifely duties" crap but if you're for real about there being an 8 year dry spell, then this is to be expected. Seriously.

[b][i] (please excuse any typo's and lack of proper punctuation.)

Let me start by saying that cheating is never right. I have held off for a number of days in responding to this thread, hoping someone would approach this from the view that sometimes men are abused as well in relationships and that withholding affection/sex is a form of abuse. I agree that we do not know the whole story from him or at all from his wife so what I am going to post is more a general response to something that I feel is highly overlooked in relationships and often men are overlooked completely.

I am shocked actually that so many on this thread have been willing to tear this guy apart and have suggested that the wife is the one that is truly hurt. REJECTION on this magnitude does so so much damage and causes all kinds of hurt.

Withholding affection and intimacy in relationships is a form of abuse and often used to control the other partner. This is true whether it's a man doing it or a woman doing it. I, myself, have heard women friends say...'if he doesn't do such and such...he ain't gettin any!' That is a small example but it's still control and abuse. If this woman is truly having a medical issue that causes a problem...she is STILL aware of the needs of her partner and being that he has already said...THEY WENT TO COUNSELING...she is also aware of fact that she is withholding affection/sex and whether she has a medical problem or not...she is ultimately responsible for her 'role' in the lack of intimacy in their relationship. Secondly...she went through his stuff! I think that it's possible that she is abusive herself and the fact that everyone wants to lay this on the man as his responsiblity to sit and take it for six years is bs.

I usually stick up for women being that I am a woman and that I see the harms done to women through out the world, but I really think it's unfair and naive to ignore that being rejected for so long within a marriage/relationship is not damaging and abusive. There are numerous scenarios that could be true in this circumstance...he could be an azz...she could be sick of him ...she might not find him attractive and on and on...but that doesn't change the fact that SHE stayed when she knew she didn't want to have sex with him...so although cheating is never right...neither is what she has done. I would suggest to the guy who asked the question to stop having sex altogether and find out what the real problems are for BOTH OF YOU. Take a good hard look at yourself and see where before this cheating, you might have been neglectful and or abusive yourself and as well as her. I also have to say that I question the ethics of a counselor that would outright tell someone to leave. That is NOT the norm and usually only happens when there is extreme abuse, even then the wording would be more to separate and work it out from that level. I can guarantee from that statement alone....that we aren't getting the whole story.

There are a ton of sites that offer info on forms of abuse. We all fall into some categories at different points in life when things are hard...so please keep that in mind when looking at such things...but also be aware of your affect on others and their affect on you.
Just a few links on abuse and forms of it:

http://www.hiddenhurt.co....forMen.htm
http://www.hiddenhurt.co..../faces.htm
http://divorcesupport.abo...thholding-
Sex.htm
http://www.stoprelationsh...types.html
color=darkblue][/color]

neon said:

totally agree

Tremolina said:

Well, if you've been paying attention to these posts, I think you would know that most of the people on here aren't saying that the wife is blameless in this situation. We've just been telling him that he should have been communicating his sexual issues with his wife a long time ago and that they could have either dealt with her lack of libido then and fixed the marriage until they were happily fucking like rabbits again, or he should have ended the marriage then and his cheating would not have become an issue. As it is, neither one of them was doing much communicating to each other, and because he went outside of the marriage to get his sexual needs met, he violated her trust. Like what JustErin, ZombieKitten, missfee, and Stymie have alluded to, they all basically agree that he shouldn't have been cheating, but they all come to their conclusions from different angles, with ZombieKitten being empathetic with the wife about the lack of libido (in her case, her hubby's), and JustErin saying that if sex were a real priority in the marriage, each partner would make time for lovemaking.

I understand that you have never been married; I haven't married either, but don't put down all the people who are. Yes, marriage has its challenges, but it has numerous rewards for lots of people that being single never will have.

728huey said:

AMEN

oh sure, its the ifes fault or being a fukkin house troll while he goes to find himself and his degree and forgets he had a private valet that he locked up, manipulated and sabatoaged , so she wouldn't go anywhere but with him.


is new pussy worth your sanity?????

shanti0608 said:

WTF?

Typical female. HE is supposed to live with her BS and walk around with a halo?
I would have left her a long time ago and told her it's because I enjoy sex.

728huey said:

I was in a 14 year relationship with a man and we had sex regularly. The last time we had sex was in Vegas and I wanted to cry because I knew it was going to be the last time we had sex.
We broke up and still lived together but didn't have sex. I ended the relationship so I could have sex.
We are best of friends and talk about everything but our sex lives. lol
I say all that to say that one or both of them seem to have been withholding sex as a weapon to use against the other.
That's generally not a guy move. I could be pissed off at my partner and still have sex. Doesn't mean I wasn't mad anymore, but that has nothing to do with getting my freak on . . . Sometimes it's even better cause they don't wanna but knowing what to do to turn them on . . .

SUPRMAN said:

I was saying in ANY marriage, it takes two to mess it up.
Maybe I think he messed up by staying with her for 6 yrs being without sex if it means that much to him?
Don't go being a typical male now.....


whatever..... I think they both did something wrong for this to happen. It is a damn shame we do not have the other side of the story.
That is all I am saying!
[Edited 8/13/08 0:09am]

shanti0608 said:

I disagree, it only takes ONE to mess it up.
How is being devoted to her selfish, mean and bitter self messing up?
She just liked knowing she had his balls because of their vows.
Actually, I apologize because I don't know her and we could be getting
only part of the story but I doubt it.
Everyone doesn't blame someone else for their mistakes.
If he can admit he cheated, and why, I tend to believe him.

SUPRMAN said:

That's cool. Best of luck to both of them.
I will not judge and point fingers only knowing one side.
I am just saying that usually when someone stops giving up sex, it is for a reason.
Too bad they did not get to the bottom of it sooner.
They both might be happier apart.
Who knows.

SUPRMAN said:

You are entitled to your opinion, I think you are wrong but none the less you are entitled to your opinion.
[Edited 8/13/08 0:48am]

SUPRMAN said:

I totally agree with you. Why would people just assume that his wife doesn't want to give it up because of something he did? Some women just don't like sex at all. And if he is being truthful about everything...about her never giving it up, about him trying, etc...well, it's not his fault that the marriage is falling apart. It's his fault that he didn't get out sooner, but it's not his fault that it's all a mess.

It's not always a case of two being at fault. Sometimes only one is to blame and only one person can ruin it all.

JustErin said:

So what you are saying is that he didn't have a responsibility to work through issues,talk and try and resolve before now and because she didn't come over with the goods this is her fault?
So he has NO responsibility to do those things?
Or she didn't have a responsibility to try and deal with the reasons for this with him, approach him and discuss it with him?

These issues are ALWAYS way more than what is here.

When 2 people commit to this then they BOTH have a responsibility to work through issues as they arise and if they dont they they are BOTH AT FAULT.

Hence, it is never ONE persons fault. Unless of course blaming one person makes one feel better

mdiver said:

It totally can be one person's fault

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Give me a call when you have been through a divorce Richard and see last comment
[Edited 8/13/08 8:58am]

mdiver said:

Um, I have been in relationships. My last one for 5 years. I communicated always and it fell on deaf ears. So the failure of a relationship can rest on one person.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

If you say so
Like i say, see comment above

mdiver said:

Why does a divorce make you an expert?