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Printablekimrachell said: i think when the marriage gets to the point that you are GOING to cheat, it's better to end the marriage and divorce rather than hide an affair, and hurt your spouse.
I agree, even the counselor said leave, but dude decided to stay, so that was his choice. To me it was a 2-sided deal, one side broke it, they decide to renegotiate, that didn't work, the other side broke the renegotiation. It's still their decision what they're willing to put up with from each other. But that's just IMO. | |
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roodboi said: I wonder why cheating is the final straw for some...a relationship could have been dead for an extended amount of time but when one or the other cheats, that becomes the deal breaker...somebody explain to me how a complete lack of emotion/feeling for your partner is any less hurtful than cheating...doesn't make sense to me... Either is a reason to walk away. | |
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JustErin said: Stymie said: If I lost my sex drive, I'd still find a way to please my partner.
Ya, I would too...but that wouldn't take away from the fact that I lost my sex drive. Cinnie said: Make like a light truck and roll over!
 I like that the boff emoticon sometimes syncs to this beat: | |
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Stymie said: roodboi said: I wonder why cheating is the final straw for some...a relationship could have been dead for an extended amount of time but when one or the other cheats, that becomes the deal breaker...somebody explain to me how a complete lack of emotion/feeling for your partner is any less hurtful than cheating...doesn't make sense to me... Either is a reason to walk away.but not for most, Ivy...you can tell by some of the responses here...I think alot of folks really believe that cheating is the worst thing you can do to your partner...I say thats bullshit and a cop put... let me put it this way, you could have one guy who cheats on his girl but is emotionally supportive of her and another guy that is emotionally detached and uncaring about his girl but doesn't cheat and most people would see the cheater as the worst of the two... | |
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JustErin said: Cinnie said: I said "generally speaking" since this general scenario is now being discussed, and you know it happens very often in marriage where no medical condition exists, merely some sort of unwillingness.. Besides, a medical condition that stops you from having sex sounds like getting a doctor's note for not putting out. 
I might be playing devil's advocate, but my point is if the spoken rule is "No Sex Before Marriage", what does that imply? Sex with your married partner is expected. But Cinnie, my cutie-pie....barely anyone adheres to the no sex before marriage. In fact, I think that most women live by, 'use sex to get marriage". Bullshit, I think women get down the way they get down period. I'm not saying SOME don't use excessive sex to get a man. I'm damn sure they DO... I just think, the average ladies lose time for sex after marriage 'cause of other things that distract FROM sex. Now by no means does that give anyone an excuse for shit. They need to have open communication with their spouse. That is the key. S/he needs to tell him/her what the fuck is going on, before shit pops off.. | |
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roodboi said: Stymie said: Either is a reason to walk away.
but not for most, Ivy...you can tell by some of the responses here...I think alot of folks really believe that cheating is the worst thing you can do to your partner...I say thats bullshit and a cop put... let me put it this way, you could have one guy who cheats on his girl but is emotionally supportive of her and another guy that is emotionally detached and uncaring about his girl but doesn't cheat and most people would see the cheater as the worst of the two... | |
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Stymie said: roodboi said: but not for most, Ivy...you can tell by some of the responses here...I think alot of folks really believe that cheating is the worst thing you can do to your partner...I say thats bullshit and a cop put... let me put it this way, you could have one guy who cheats on his girl but is emotionally supportive of her and another guy that is emotionally detached and uncaring about his girl but doesn't cheat and most people would see the cheater as the worst of the two...  | |
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roodboi said: Stymie said: well, if you make a committment to sleep with only one person and you break that, it's fucked up. In my case, emotion support is very important, much more important to me than sex and it'd make me leave too,
WORD! | |
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nammie said: JustErin said: But Cinnie, my cutie-pie....barely anyone adheres to the no sex before marriage. In fact, I think that most women live by, 'use sex to get marriage". Bullshit, I think women get down the way they get down period. I'm not saying SOME don't use excessive sex to get a man. I'm damn sure they DO... I just think, the average ladies lose time for sex after marriage 'cause of other things that distract FROM sex. Now by no means does that give anyone an excuse for shit. They need to have open communication with their spouse. That is the key. S/he needs to tell him/her what the fuck is going on, before shit pops off..
Well, it's no bullshit from what I have seen. And I will never understand or buy the 'don't have time for sex' excuse. Man, I do it all (and all by myself) and I never and will never not have time for sex - because I love it. People don't just stop doing things they really enjoy. Sex is an escape from all that other madness. And from what I've seen and heard (even from my own married female friends), many women look at having sex with their husband as just another chore. That doesn't indicate that they just don't have the time, that makes it look like it's just not something they actually enjoy. It's funny that men who are crazy busy and really tired never seem to lose interest because of a lack of time or because they are tired. | |
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JustErin said: nammie said: Bullshit, I think women get down the way they get down period. I'm not saying SOME don't use excessive sex to get a man. I'm damn sure they DO... I just think, the average ladies lose time for sex after marriage 'cause of other things that distract FROM sex. Now by no means does that give anyone an excuse for shit. They need to have open communication with their spouse. That is the key. S/he needs to tell him/her what the fuck is going on, before shit pops off..
Well, it's no bullshit from what I have seen. And I will never understand or buy the 'don't have time for sex' excuse. Man, I do it all (and all by myself) and I never and will never not have time for sex - because I love it. People don't just stop doing things they really enjoy. Sex is an escape from all that other madness. And from what I've seen and heard (even from my own married female friends), many women look at having sex with their husband as just another chore. That doesn't indicate that they just don't have the time, that makes it look like it's just not something they actually enjoy. It's funny that men who are crazy busy and really tired never seem to lose interest because of a lack of time or because they are tired. *tears Dr's note in three*  | |
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i don't know how you lose your zest for sex....if you love your spouse, you would think that would come natural.... | |
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Stymie said: JustErin said:
Stymie said:
There are so many scenarios that should be considered when people get together and this should very well be one of them. For the most part, sex is very important to men and a very important part of a marriage. I have no idea why she lost interest in it but instead of fucking someone else, he should have just talked to her.
But damn, for real, is sex more important than love? Men scare the bloody hell out of me. But wait a second. Why do you think that men think it's more important than love? What I see is men (and some women) needing there to be both to be happy. I will never understand the whole, "well, if you loved her you would understand and be with her no matter what". Screw that, that is fantasy land talk, imo. If someone is not meeting your needs (whatever that may be) it won't work and honestly, it shouldn't have to work. Now, don't get me wrong. I am in no way saying that what he did was right. It wasn't. I'm saying that he should have ended it with her before he started sniffing others' panties. I believe that men who cheat would not do it if love was more important to them. Yes, I believe men need both to be happy but in case where they cheat, they let their physical needs overrule any committment. And you and I reach the same conclusion: he should have ended it before pursuing someone else. I often wonder what men would do if their women would become unable to have sex. I also wonder if men relay to their women how important sex is to them. That's the biggest crock of shit I've heard today. There are some men who are very much in love with their wives that would fuck the nearest hussy with an available pussy if they thought they could get away with it. Some men just have high libidos and need to stick their dick into whatever pussy they can find (e.g. Elliot Spitzer). I think this whole monogamy thing really goes against our natural sex drives. It was really created by corrupt kings and the church to keep men in line and not have territorial disputes over property. Heck, most marriages in even Christian countries were arranged ones up until the 1800's. Even then, look how people cheated. Henry VIII married Catherine of Aragon but knew that he wanted to tap Anne Boleyn because he was actually in love with her at the time, and the Catholic Church refused to grant him a divorce, so he basically split away from the Catholic Church, which not only destroyed the marriage and nearly destroyed the English throne but led to decades of bloody warfare, all because the king couldn't keep his dick in his pants. At any rate, I think that the hubby was wrong to be cheating behind his wife's back, but his real mistake was not confronting the wife about his sexual issues when they were in counseling in the first place. If he had indicated to her how important sex was in his relationship and was willing to end the marriage at that time over it, she may have acted sooner to determine whether it was a physical issue about her libido or if the attraction was gone from the relationship. I'm not saying that the wife is blameless here; far too many women don't realize how important it is for men to have a healthy sexual relationship in their marriage, but this should have been communicated earlier. If she had been unwilling to change or work on this, then he should have left her then so he could date and fuck as many women as he wanted to.  | |
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Cinnie said: One of my FAVORITE Jay Z records. I was going through that shit when this song came out. I have to say I actually got emotional everytime I heard it. | |
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KatSkrizzle said: Cinnie said: One of my FAVORITE Jay Z records. I was going through that shit when this song came out. I have to say I actually got emotional everytime I heard it. It is a strong record! And the content is very "real" (not to sound cliche). | |
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Cinnie said: KatSkrizzle said: One of my FAVORITE Jay Z records. I was going through that shit when this song came out. I have to say I actually got emotional everytime I heard it. It is a strong record! And the content is very "real" (not to sound cliche). "I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever". Man oh man. and "I was just fucking them girls I was gonna get right back". yeah...that was a good record. | |
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JustErin said: You were wrong.
Lame move. Agreed! You should have been up front and honest from the beginning 6years is a long time to be keeping a secret like that from the woman you love I hope things work out If you will, so will I | |
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728huey said: Stymie said: Sorry that you think MY truth is a crock of shit. JustErin said:
I believe that men who cheat would not do it if love was more important to them. Yes, I believe men need both to be happy but in case where they cheat, they let their physical needs overrule any committment. And you and I reach the same conclusion: he should have ended it before pursuing someone else. I often wonder what men would do if their women would become unable to have sex. I also wonder if men relay to their women how important sex is to them. That's the biggest crock of shit I've heard today. There are some men who are very much in love with their wives that would fuck the nearest hussy with an available pussy if they thought they could get away with it. Some men just have high libidos and need to stick their dick into whatever pussy they can find (e.g. Elliot Spitzer). I think this whole monogamy thing really goes against our natural sex drives. It was really created by corrupt kings and the church to keep men in line and not have territorial disputes over property. Heck, most marriages in even Christian countries were arranged ones up until the 1800's. Even then, look how people cheated. Henry VIII married Catherine of Aragon but knew that he wanted to tap Anne Boleyn because he was actually in love with her at the time, and the Catholic Church refused to grant him a divorce, so he basically split away from the Catholic Church, which not only destroyed the marriage and nearly destroyed the English throne but led to decades of bloody warfare, all because the king couldn't keep his dick in his pants. At any rate, I think that the hubby was wrong to be cheating behind his wife's back, but his real mistake was not confronting the wife about his sexual issues when they were in counseling in the first place. If he had indicated to her how important sex was in his relationship and was willing to end the marriage at that time over it, she may have acted sooner to determine whether it was a physical issue about her libido or if the attraction was gone from the relationship. I'm not saying that the wife is blameless here; far too many women don't realize how important it is for men to have a healthy sexual relationship in their marriage, but this should have been communicated earlier. If she had been unwilling to change or work on this, then he should have left her then so he could date and fuck as many women as he wanted to.
When I think about committment, I think about not having to worry about if my man is out fucking anyone else. I hate condoms. I want ot be free to not have it in the back of my mind that he is out raw dicking some chick because he has no self control. And I disagee that it is not our nature to be monagamous. On top of that, a woman who sleeps around is called all kinds of whores. | |
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Stymie said: On top of that, a woman who sleeps around is called...
ALOT!!!  | |
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roodboi said: Stymie said: On top of that, a woman who sleeps around is called...
ALOT!!! | |
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Stymie said: roodboi said: ALOT!!! I agree. That's one hell of a double standard, ain't it? I don't aptly agree with such, either. I tend to look at like this: I know what I'm comfortable with. Marriage is dangerous. This society is rough on you, as it is. I don't need that extra monogamous slavery (Because that's all it is, to me.). At least, not with a contract. Because that's all a marriage license is. Quite funny to me how straight-up commitment and self-organized monogamy has worked out for quite a few people. Might not be the best example, but here's looking at Shannon Tweedy and Gene Simmons. This sig is just a fig of your imago-neigh-shun | |
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Mysterioso said: Stymie said: I agree. That's one hell of a double standard, ain't it? I don't aptly agree with such, either. I tend to look at like this: I know what I'm comfortable with. Marriage is dangerous. This society is rough on you, as it is. I don't need that extra monogamous slavery (Because that's all it is, to me.). At least, not with a contract. Because that's all a marriage license is. Quite funny to me how straight-up commitment and self-organized monogamy has worked out for quite a few people. Might not be the best example, but here's looking at Shannon Tweedy and Gene Simmons. | |
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Stymie said: Mysterioso said: I agree. That's one hell of a double standard, ain't it? I don't aptly agree with such, either. I tend to look at like this: I know what I'm comfortable with. Marriage is dangerous. This society is rough on you, as it is. I don't need that extra monogamous slavery (Because that's all it is, to me.). At least, not with a contract. Because that's all a marriage license is. Quite funny to me how straight-up commitment and self-organized monogamy has worked out for quite a few people. Might not be the best example, but here's looking at Shannon Tweedy and Gene Simmons. Shit! I kind of figured that. Still, I'm quite sure that some can work out. Let me gather my thoughts, here. I don't think marriage is impossible or anything. But that shit is fucking cardiac arrest no. 2! A front row seat to hell on Earth. But don't follow my word. It's not like I've ever been married. But the mere thought races my heart with 1,000 miles-per-hour of horsepower.This sig is just a fig of your imago-neigh-shun | |
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Mysterioso said: Stymie said: In case you ddn't know, Gene fucked around on Shannon.
Shit! I kind of figured that. Still, I'm quite sure that some can work out. Let me gather my thoughts, here. I don't think marriage is impossible or anything. But that shit is fucking cardiac arrest no. 2! A front row seat to hell on Earth. But don't follow my word. It's not like I've ever been married. But the mere thought races my heart with 1,000 miles-per-hour of horsepower. | |
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728huey said: Stymie said:
JustErin said:
I believe that men who cheat would not do it if love was more important to them. Yes, I believe men need both to be happy but in case where they cheat, they let their physical needs overrule any committment. And you and I reach the same conclusion: he should have ended it before pursuing someone else. I often wonder what men would do if their women would become unable to have sex. I also wonder if men relay to their women how important sex is to them. That's the biggest crock of shit I've heard today. There are some men who are very much in love with their wives that would fuck the nearest hussy with an available pussy if they thought they could get away with it. Some men just have high libidos and need to stick their dick into whatever pussy they can find (e.g. Elliot Spitzer). I think this whole monogamy thing really goes against our natural sex drives. It was really created by corrupt kings and the church to keep men in line and not have territorial disputes over property. Heck, most marriages in even Christian countries were arranged ones up until the 1800's. Even then, look how people cheated. Henry VIII married Catherine of Aragon but knew that he wanted to tap Anne Boleyn because he was actually in love with her at the time, and the Catholic Church refused to grant him a divorce, so he basically split away from the Catholic Church, which not only destroyed the marriage and nearly destroyed the English throne but led to decades of bloody warfare, all because the king couldn't keep his dick in his pants. At any rate, I think that the hubby was wrong to be cheating behind his wife's back, but his real mistake was not confronting the wife about his sexual issues when they were in counseling in the first place. If he had indicated to her how important sex was in his relationship and was willing to end the marriage at that time over it, she may have acted sooner to determine whether it was a physical issue about her libido or if the attraction was gone from the relationship. I'm not saying that the wife is blameless here; far too many women don't realize how important it is for men to have a healthy sexual relationship in their marriage, but this should have been communicated earlier. If she had been unwilling to change or work on this, then he should have left her then so he could date and fuck as many women as he wanted to. Sounds like there is a lot of agreement, really. Nobody's saying he shouldn't have his needs met. Six years is definitely too long (6 weeks for that matter)to be completely rejected. But directness is always better in the long run, me thinks. If you need it, make it plain that you're going to get it, don't fake loyalty for some kind of brownie points. p.s. I think wearing shoe goes against our nature. Heck, if we really press it we could come up with a mountain of things that people do on the regular that go against nature, but we do it because we're people and we strive for something we consider better, that's our nature. [Edited 8/9/08 23:55pm] | |
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Mysterioso said: ... here's looking at Shannon Tweedy and Gene Simmons.
I just love that you think her name is Shannon Tweedy   I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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roodboi said: I wonder why cheating is the final straw for some...a relationship could have been dead for an extended amount of time but when one or the other cheats, that becomes the deal breaker...somebody explain to me how a complete lack of emotion/feeling for your partner is any less hurtful than cheating...doesn't make sense to me...
Good point. It would be great to know both sides of the story as well.  | |
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Marrysharronsluvchild said: Well, I aint get caught in the act, but she did run through a brothers email, cell phone, text messages, credit card charges, and even called and talked to the chick I've been fucking with for about a year now.
So yeah, what now? I love my wife, got history n all, we know how to handle money, it aint never an been an issue, but for the past 6 years in our marriage, i probably been intimate 10 times, and dont even think about saying the word fellatio, aint happening, wasnt like this the first 2 years of the marriage; it was like some porn movie shit, but since then been rebuffed on anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc, went to counseling, the marriage counselor told me to leave, and the whole time, i'm playing that be a good supportive husband role hanging in there being told be patient with me, then it was just recently diagnosed she has a condition that causes a diminished libido and general mood swing and she just started treatment to treat it. When she found out that after 8 years of practical celibacy in the marriage, i finally had to have my needs met. So now we at a crossroads cuz everybody like you violated, she having 2nd thoughts about working it out, but at the core am i wrong? I was totally with you on the cheating thing until I read down to the part about her being diagnosed with her condition.  So yeah, that's kind of douchbaggy of you do do that knowing that there's a medical reason behind her low sex drive."I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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Stymie said: Cinnie said: I know this is rude and I will cop to being naive about a woman's libido. But I have never heard of such a medical condition that makes the lights switch off on a coochie.. After taking the pill for many years it did affect my libido. Apart from that vaginal sex started to hurt a lot which wasn't exactly helping either. I went to the doctor, but he said everything was okay and I had no idea it had to do anything with the pill. At last I took a break from the pill for some other reasons and within a very short time sex didn't hurt anymore and my libido was as strong as ever and I lost about 4 pounds besides from that which I thought I had gained because I was getting older. That was several years ago and I didn't start to take the pill again and I love having sex and could not imagine my life without it. With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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Cinnie said:[quote] JustErin said: Cinnie said: Make like a light truck and roll over!
I like that the boff emoticon sometimes syncs to this beat: oh how I love MGMT.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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Serious said: Stymie said: The oly thing I know of is some women report losing some libido when a child is born. I don't believe that but hey.
After taking the pill for many years it did affect my libido. Apart from that vaginal sex started to hurt a lot which wasn't exactly helping either. I went to the doctor, but he said everything was okay and I had no idea it had to do anything with the pill. At last I took a break from the pill for some other reasons and within a very short time sex didn't hurt anymore and my libido was as strong as ever and I lost about 4 pounds besides from that which I thought I had gained because I was getting older. That was several years ago and I didn't start to take the pill again and I love having sex and could not imagine my life without it. So many things effect our libido. | |
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