MoniGram said:

He asked the question "But at the core am I wrong?" He got an answer, I pass no judgement on him as a person, Just gave my thoughts on what he posted, no more no less .

nammie said:

Exactly. The way I see it is if he had enough balls to post this on a public site and then ask if he was wrong...why wouldn't people judge? He should expect for a little judging to be going on along with a lot opinions.

Generally speaking, I think that if the rule of "no sex before marriage" is so highly acknowledged, then we should expect "sex during marriage", or at least a serious reaction should be expected when we aren't putting out.

There are so many scenarios that should be considered when people get together and this should very well be one of them. For the most part, sex is very important to men and a very important part of a marriage. I have no idea why she lost interest in it but instead of fucking someone else, he should have just talked to her.

But damn, for real, is sex more important than love? Men scare the bloody hell out of me.

missfee said:

Yes...I can see that. I guess I am just one that doesn't like to judge to much, not before I get the whole story. That could be one of my many flaws in life.

Well, I aint get caught in the act, but she did run through a brothers email, cell phone, text messages, credit card charges, and even called and talked to the chick I've been fucking with for about a year now.

So yeah, what now? I love my wife, got history n all, we know how to handle money, it aint never an been an issue, but for the past 6 years in our marriage, i probably been intimate 10 times, and dont even think about saying the word fellatio, aint happening, wasnt like this the first 2 years of the marriage; it was like some porn movie shit, but since then been rebuffed on anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc, went to counseling, the marriage counselor told me to leave, and the whole time, i'm playing that be a good supportive husband role hanging in there being told be patient with me, then it was just recently diagnosed she has a condition that causes a diminished libido and general mood swing and she just started treatment to treat it. When she found out that after 8 years of practical celibacy in the marriage, i finally had to have my needs met. So now we at a crossroads cuz everybody like you violated, she having 2nd thoughts about working it out, but at the core am i wrong?

Stymie said:

But wait a second. Why do you think that men think it's more important than love? What I see is men (and some women) needing there to be both to be happy. I will never understand the whole, "well, if you loved her you would understand and be with her no matter what". Screw that, that is fantasy land talk, imo. If someone is not meeting your needs (whatever that may be) it won't work and honestly, it shouldn't have to work.

Stymie said:

But wait a second. Why do you think that men think it's more important than love? What I see is men (and some women) needing there to be both to be happy. I will never understand the whole, "well, if you loved her you would understand and be with her no matter what". Screw that, that is fantasy land talk, imo. If someone is not meeting your needs (whatever that may be) it won't work and honestly, it shouldn't have to work.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am in no way saying that what he did was right. It wasn't. I'm saying that he should have ended it with her before he started sniffing others' panties.

Marrysharronsluvchild said:

I have no sympathy for married people who cheat and get caught wanting MY sympathy

I also wonder if men relay to their women how important sex is to them.

JustErin said:

I believe that men who cheat would not do it if love was more important to them. Yes, I believe men need both to be happy but in case where they cheat, they let their physical needs overrule any committment.

And you and I reach the same conclusion: he should have ended it before pursuing someone else. I often wonder what men would do if their women would become unable to have sex. I also wonder if men relay to their women how important sex is to them.

Cinnie said:

Even if there is a medical condition ?

NOT that that is grounds for cheating though

Married couples sometimes have this thrown at them and have to work together to come up with something that works for them both

Mach said:

I said "generally speaking" since this general scenario is now being discussed, and you know it happens very often in marriage where no medical condition exists, merely some sort of unwillingness..

Besides, a medical condition that stops you from having sex sounds like getting a doctor's note for not putting out.

I might be playing devil's advocate, but my point is if the spoken rule is "No Sex Before Marriage", what does that imply? Sex with your married partner is expected.

Cinnie said:

But Cinnie, my cutie-pie....barely anyone adheres to the no sex before marriage. In fact, I think that most women live by, 'use sex to get marriage".

Stymie said:

So are you a believer that love should conquer all?

JustErin said:

Bull's Eye!

.

toots said:

i don't think he's asking for sympathy.

Cinnie said:

But Cinnie, my cutie-pie....barely anyone adheres to the no sex before marriage. In fact, I think that most women live by, 'use sex to get marriage".

My whole thing is this: I understand fully that everybody is human and have needs and wants...but at the same time, it all depends on if you act on your needs and wants if you have already made a committment or took vows. There are men and women who are attracted to the opposite sex, even though they are committed in a loving relationship with their bf/gf or wife/husband. Hell they might even fall in love with someone other than their significant other, but its never an excuse to use that reason to cheat on the one they love for their own selfish needs. If thats the case then just tell your significant other that you want out and go finish exploring whatever it is you want to explore. Thats my thing, if you feel like you want to cheat or need to cheat, then go do it by all means, just let me know first so I can let your ass go. And besides that all men DON'T cheat. They might look at another woman on the street, or be attracted to another woman on the job, but if they really don't want to lose that loving girlfriend or supportive wife they have at home, then won't actually go cheating.

Stymie said:

He wanted an opinion he got mine, and I wasnt laughing when I typed it. Just by him asking "was I wrong" is asking for sympathy, And asking for OUR judgement if he "did wrong" or not, is like he wants approval or not and should expect that.



Again Im not laughing.

AlienX2050 said:

Is that fair? Why do we act so surprised when men throw the rules out the window?

JustErin said:

Well there's nothing worst than to find that after you married a man that you didn't have sex with before marrying can't even get it up or sucks in bed, or worst of all - doesn't eat pussy.

Mach said:

I said "generally speaking" since this general scenario is now being discussed, and you know it happens very often in marriage where no medical condition exists, merely some sort of unwillingness..

Besides, a medical condition that stops you from having sex sounds like getting a doctor's note for not putting out.

I might be playing devil's advocate, but my point is if the spoken rule is "No Sex Before Marriage", what does that imply? Sex with your married partner is expected.

JustErin said:

Well there's nothing worst than to find that after you married a man that you didn't have sex with before marrying can't even get it up or sucks in bed, or worst of all - doesn't eat pussy.

Cinnie said:

Of course it's not fair. Women acting like they want it all the time just to snag a man are pathetic in my opinion and I am totally not surprised that men want to go elsewhere when their wives suddenly change on them. I understand why men cheat, I just don't agree with it. Again, if your partner is not meeting your needs you should end it - not get some on the side behind their back.

MoniGram said:

Well understand, the way you feel isn't necessarily a bad thing. I too don't like to judge, but i'm human as well and find myself with strong opinions that can be judgemental at times without me even knowing it.