Thanks for the help, all!
[Edited 8/7/08 19:39pm]

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[Edited 8/7/08 19:40pm]

Speechless ( for the moment )

Direct her towards a counselor or the mental health/stress department (every school has one I think?) do not get involved with this. She is looking for an emotional crutch in her current state of vulnerability. You are not in a position to be that.

I did not see this. This is the best thing. Continue to ignore her emails and cut her office visits short.

honeypot69 said:

And make it very clear you are not open for personal issues

s in issues
[Edited 8/7/08 5:37am]

honeypot69 said:

I'm worried that ignoring her emails will only make her more likely to continue to hound me at my office!

Mach said:

I want to do that, but I'm not sure how to say it in a way that she won't take to be inflammatory.

I agree with honeypot. This definitely needs to be handled delicately. Two things stand out to me, 1. She stated she is suicidal sometimes. Is she feeling suicidal at this time? This is the main reason this needs to be handled delicately. 2. She seems to be blaming her illness for all of her actions. And mentioned that she gets "bad tempered" and may use her illness to excuse any type of violent reaction that she may engage in. This is the second reason this must be handled delicately.

I think that you could use your position as a University lecturer to deter her. Simply show compassion but explain that as a University employee that it is against policy for instructors to be friends with students, and that it could impact your continuing employment with the university. Explain that you are sorry for all that she is going through, and really wish you could be that friend that she needs, but that due to your position of authority as a lecturer, that it's not appropriate by the school's standards. Explain that it really seems that she needs someone to talk to, who will really listen, and that you know someone in the counseling dept., give a name, and that you know this person is very kind and very good at listening. (And get a name of a counselor there that is willing to talk with her so that you can give her that name.)

Just be careful because she is very much in a vulnerable state right now. I wouldn't email her because that will only encourage her. I would also make sure to explain to her that you are available to discuss statistics with her at the scheduled office times, but that you just cannot see her outside of that scheduled time due to your time constraints.

Above all, be compassionate, be sympathetic/empathetic, let her know there are those that are willing to listen, but that you are not in a position that lets you be able to do that unless it relates to what is being taught in class.

Moonbeam said:

I am not sure there is that way - she seems off and anything you say may upset her

Mach said:

Agreed


Just be polite but firm in your stance, keep your distance. Its all you can do.
[Edited 8/7/08 5:53am]

LittleRedCorvette said:

That's what worries me too. I don't want to cause her any undue trauma, even if it's totally not my fault.



That's also quite scary, particularly given her story about threatening to accuse the policemen of raping her.



That may be a good angle. However, she has forwarded me responses from university lecturers here who have obviously engaged her in these kinds of discussions, so I don't think she'd necessarily believe it.




She's already using the counseling services, and in fact emailed me correspondence from her psychologist there! He is being made aware of the situation and will get back to me on Monday, but in the mean time, I'm not sure how to handle it!



I'm going to have to make this clear to her, obviously. I just have to hope that I pick my words carefully.



It's hard for me to listen to her and not feel sympathy. I have had students confide in me in the past, and I have tried to be there for them as much as is appropriate. It's hard to know that she probably needs the most help, but that I really shouldn't give her any.

Thanks for the advice! I may try the official university policy angle, even if there are others in my position who have made themselves available to her as emotional support.

Moonbeam said:

It's a tricky situation either way you go. If she mentions that other instructors have befriended her, just explain that they went against company policy. You could just keep yourself "unavailable" until you hear back from the counseling dept. on Monday. I would also suggest that you talk with the head of your Dept. and someone in Admin. to explain the situation to them. This is a matter of CYA, so that if anything does go down, others are aware. Make sure you find some way to document everything. As a social worker, we have to document everything so that not only is there a record, but so that if ever there is a lawsuit or accusations, or anything of that nature, we have a written record that shows what, where, when, who, why etc. Good luck though Moonbeam.

LittleRedCorvette said:

That and nothing else but wishing her good luck.

Moonbeam said:

Bi-polarity is a serious condition. it's not exactly something you can "help" with as an outsider.

Dang.

The only advice I have is that you may not want this up on a public site...if anyone finds it you could get in trouble!!!!

And uh, stay away from that crazy chick!

wow..touchy situation...but in my honest opinion, handling her too delicately isn't going to accomplish anything...counselors can/will handle her delicately...somehow, you have to get the point across to her (if nobody else will) that she is crossing a line involving you in her personal matters...hopefully before she involves you in one of her threatening stories...

as heartless and cold as this sounds, she is the one with the issues, not you and you need to do whatever it takes-within reason, ofcourse-to distance yourself from her and her actions...and that, I'm afraid, can't always be handled delicately, especially if you don't receive adequate support from other staff or administration...
[Edited 8/7/08 6:19am]

Tremolina said:

I understand that it's a serious condition, and I'm quite familiar with it! It just seems that she's suffering from more than that.

Moonbeam said:

I agree with that. I was wondering if she truly was Bipolar from your description, because it seems she shows more of a Borderline Personality Disorder, but without knowing her, or talking with her, or having any other history, there is no way to say for certain. Sometimes, if clinical people are uncertain of a dx. but they see evidence of one thing, they may write down Bipolar (if some of the criteria fit) until they can come up with a more accurate dx. because in order to bill for it, they have to have a billable dx.

Moonbeam said:

I understand, but it's not your job to help her with that. In fact, as soon as you start helping her she may not let go anymore. Just look at how she jumped on you just for listening to her.

RUN!!!!!



Seriously, this is the type of person that could turn on a dime and accuse YOU of being "improper". Tread VERY lightly and ease your way out of this dilemma.

I would keep all of the emails, let your dept chair and the secretary know. I say the secretary because if anything goes down you will need her. If you don't hear from the counseling dept, go over there. You need to protect yourself for when she snaps. and she will, she actually sounds like she needs another hospitalization or would benefit better from a group home situation. This sounds more serious than bi polar disorder, this girl is in crisis. Her behavior is inappropriate and she could endanger herself if she gives this much info to the wrong person.

Her therapist also needs to know that she is forwarding emails out to people, that is a confidentiality breach and if something comes up the therapist is liable for the info in the email.

butterfli25 said:

document absolutely everything.
also i agree about the e-mails, she should not be forwarding them about.
she sounds manipulative so be very careful. she might move on to someone else if you make yourself less available.
i hope this works itself out.

butterfli25 said:

That's what I worry about as well. I don't think I really did anything to invite it, so she may be sharing this information with anyone who would listen.

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I've gotten some concrete steps that I can take, which is what I was hoping for!

CarrieLee said:

thats what i was thinking

that sucks that she is comming at you like this, keep the emails, let someone know (at the school), direct her to some sort of counsling there at the school, and finally, get this off the net! if she were to read this by chance, you could really end up in a pickle!!

best wishes - stay safe

Moonbeam said:

I'm glad that you got the advice you needed.
Has anything happened yet that has changed the situation yet, or is it too soon to ask?

wildgoldenhoney said:

Nothing has happened yet, because I'm home sick today. I gave the counseling service my cell phone number, though, so the psychologist can contact me.

you are her maths teacher, ian. this is way bigger than you. good advice to have your secretary around whenever she approaches you. i hope her therapist is a good one!

I'm always way too sympathetic in these situations. It's kinda sad if she's looking for a friend...

But still, you're a professional and it IS a risky situation.

Best of luck, hope she finds the help she needs.