Subject: INTERNATIONAL COUNCIL OF MAN LAWS
Importance: High



1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion.




:beer:
[Edited 8/6/08 8:52am]

you know, this MANifesto would be so much less girly if you would left-justify it and make it a dark blue, a more MANly color.

just my 2c

XxAxX said:

what are you talking about?

magnificentsynthesizer said:

Let me add my own :

28: No man should ever eat at a place with the name "Pink" in it, with the exceptions of "Pink's Hot Dogs" and "The Pink Taco" (Which is code for pussy, and I have NO idea how those guys got that past the people that allows names of establishments, but big ups to them for having the sacks to do so! )

29: One sport, one team. All this "I like about 8 NFL teams" - No, not cool. Man up! 1 team, 1 sport! It's cool for chicks to do that shit, but not a dude.

30: (A take on Man Law 10) No man should ever say "I like fruity-tasting drinks". Big no-no. Just say "I like drinks with FLAVOR".

31: No man should ever deviate from the simple color scheme when describing an object's color. There is no "egg shell" or "Forest Green" or "Chartreuse" - It's JUST Beige, Green, or Purple!

32: Zima - No.

33: No man can take a longer time "getting ready to go out" than his chick.

34: Metrosexual - No.

35: In front of your chick, never hug another chick longer than what you'd normally hug your chick. That's just to keep you safe and off the couch that night.
35a: Never hug your buddy's chick for a long time (1 second - TOPS!). Anything over 1 second - That's grounds for an ass kicking.

36: While riding with your homies, NEVER have a slow jam on, and especially don't have it blasting from your radio. Hip Hop is the required genre here, fellas.

37: If you're at the movies with your homies, 1-chair-space is required to end ALL speculation .

38: Sheer shirts - No.

39: Body waxing of ANY kind - Hell fucking no.

40: No man can ever own more shoes than his chick.

Come on, Mutha, some muthafuckas NEED to wax, for real.

And shouldn't there be a rule about a group of guys all wearing Smedium shirts???

SCNDLS said:

NO! No man NEEDS to wax unless he's in a freakin' Calvin Klein ad!

And yeah, extra medium shirts - NO!

Oh and let me add a few man rules..

41. If you want to have sex, shower and wear deoderant/anti-persperant, and never substitute cologne for taking a shower.

42. Give her an orgasm before you get yours, go downtown, be a true gentleman.And no matter how ugly it looks, if its clean, its always pretty!

43. Never be indecisive when choosing take out, choose a restaurant and order dammit!

44. Never ever stare at your girlfriend's female relatives (boobs and bootays) or watch them as they leave the room, ever. That sh*t is just creepy. Her relatives are now your relatives too.

.
[Edited 8/6/08 12:40pm]

paintedlady said:

Ok, these are rules you chicks want! Nope!...Which brings me to Man Rule #45 - Chicks can't EVER make Man Rules for the simple fact they don't have a dick (Trannies excluded ).

paintedlady said:

mods, can you please delete this post and ban this user? thanks in advance.

magnificentsynthesizer said:

MuthaFunka said:

Thanks for adding my rules in Mutha, your rule # 45 will be placed in consideration for new rules in addition to these established ones.

magnificentsynthesizer said:

.you all are just wrong edit.
[Edited 8/6/08 12:52pm]

paintedlady said:

Boo! Hiss! Boo!

MuthaFunka said:

fine...keep your stinky colognes and indecisiveness

.
[Edited 8/6/08 13:56pm]

Axe commercial be damned.

paintedlady said:

- And lock the door on ya way out, missy!