for this girl I know. I've known her since Kindergarten, and she's just awesome. The thing is I LOVe hanging out with her and I trust her more than any other girl I know. I can ask her for advice or tell her anytihng in the world and she won't judge me or make fun of me. The thing is though, she isn't physically, gorgeous. Don't get me wrong she isn't ugly, but she's not a 10 either. I'm considering telling her how I feel/asking her out or something, but I'm not physically attracted to her as much as I'm interested in her personality. She looks good sometimes, but my desire to be with her and talk to her and do all the romantic-boyfriend shit (flowers, cuddling, etc) and all that outweighs my desire to sleep with her. So it's not lust.She has serious self-esteem issues, and she's very dramatic (not like a drama queen though...hard to explain. She doesn't go looking for drama) but I feel like I can be the one to hold her and tell her everything will be okay. I'm just wondering if it's a good idea to try to go somewhere with her if I'm not really super-attracted to her. Like it seems like it'd be doomed because the physical stuff wouldn't be a priority.

I'm confused about what to do here. I adore her personality and her mannerisms and her sense of humor and everything. But I don't wanna throw her on a bed and have my way with her.

*NOTE: No,this is not the same girl I know who's getting engaged and I had a thing for. That was mostly just lust.

Volitan said:

well love i wloud go for it and do it love and tacke a chance love peace and love. love colleen

If you're not totally into her, then she's your friend and only a friend! There's no reason why U can't still get her flowers or gifts to show her U appreciate her as a friend.
It seems too me if you go beyond what you 2 are now, you'll ruin your friendship.

Amaxx said:

That;s what I'm afraid of.

I'm into her though, and I would have sex with her, just not first. Usually it's lust first, not love. But it's reversed here. Like I said she's not ugly, just probably like a 7 or so on that scale.

I just feel really close to her. I don't hang out with her all the time (actually quite rarely. Like 3 times in the past couple months), but I still feel the same way
[Edited 7/10/08 23:38pm]

Volitan said:

Just go with your gut instinct then! It always the right choice! If U sit here and over analyze this 2 pieces U're gonna end up having 2 get yourself commited!

i don't see why liking her for more than just sex, but still liking her in a romantic way is a bad thing. don't lead her on.

I don't know, if you're a 7 or less yourself, I'd say, go for it!





.
[Edited 7/11/08 0:18am]

Volitan said:

it is possible to become physically attracted to someone over time if all of the other attractions are there first.

where is mirrorsbestfriend when you need him ?

I think that one of the things that is missing in many relationships is a strong friendhsip... This is the strength that allows you to get through the difficult times... the physical side is what makes you more than just friends.

If you feel like you need and want to be with her that often, then maybe its just your past experience and assumptions that the physical aspect should come first. 50 or so years ago people didn't do more than have a smooch before getting married and many marriages lasted a life time not a couple of years...

My husband and I have been married 13 years this year - we spent almost 3 years being nothing more than best friends and then took it real slow from there...Its the friendship that has made the difference in the hard times, the ability to talk to each other and respect each other.

I think you should go for it, and if she is up for it (she might not be!) make sure you tell her fears, be open and talk about it. That way, if things do go wrong, there is less chance you will lose the strong friendship you have now...
Good luck.

Okay I'm writing her this letter to basically say, I like her as just a friend, but care about her a lot, and could be there if she wanted me. But somehow that just sounds bad. I said basically, I deeply care for you and I feel a connection with you, and I could be more than friends with you. But I'm trying to word it so that it doesn't sound like I'm trying to date her, because I'm not trying to, but I could date her. It's frustrating. I can't articulate what I'm trying to say. Because I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I'm not in love with her, but I could be, and would like that. But I'm not asking her out.I'm not "pursuing" her I guess, but I'd be glad to be with her.

I'm afraid she's gonna read it and think I'm in love with her (I'm not). I'm afraid she'll think I WANT more than a friendship, but really I'm just trying to say, I want that if she does. As in, I'd still love to be friends with her if she didn't feel the same way about me. But somehow that just seems lazy and wrong. I have a feeling none of this makes sense. I guess I passively want her? Like when it comes down to a relationship, I could take it or leave it. But I don't wanna phrase it like that because that just sounds bad....

The reason I think I'm falling for her is because I have never had this tough of a time explaining how I feel about a girl. Before it could be explained easily. This is so complex I'm thinking it has to be something special right?

Volitan said:

I dunno.... do you think you should write anything at all...? When you say you could take it or leave it as far as a relationship goes... That doesn't sound too positive. Maybe you should just embrace the platonic relationship you have and if it does naturally transpire to be something more than so be it... Have you ever wanted to just kiss her? Maybe you should wait until that moment before you do anything, that way you know that you really want something more than just friendship....?
A letter seems so formal... and its there to be looked at over and over again. Its likely that she would try to analyse it to pieces and come up with a different meaning to you...
But GOOD LUCK whatever you decide...
X

FuzzyD said:

I would love to kiss her. But there's never a good oppotuinity. We're never alone. Plus, what if she doesn't want that. Then it'd just be awkward between us. To be with her would be awesome. I guess I'm just afraid of her rejecting me and thinking we can't be friends. I'd still be friends with her, but she would probably think it's awkward to be around me. I won't be upset if I got turned down. And I guess that's where the passive thing comes from. Like "you won't have to feel bad if you turn me down because I didn't want you that bad anyway". I don't know what I want. I do want her, but not to the point where I feel love sick around her or want to marry her or anything or would feel really shitty with out her. I just have a really good connection with her, that I think could be the foundation of a relationship between us.

EDIT: I have two leeters. One is a long drawn out explaination. The other is a short "how would you feel if I said I had some kind of feelings for you?" I'm just really afraid that she'll be afraid of it being awkward and wanting nothing to do with me. Like we'll hang out and the thought of "O, Greg's in love with me" will always be in the back of her mind....
[Edited 7/14/08 3:19am]

can you imagine her lips around your penis ?

If so, go for it !

BlueZebra said:

That's not taking it far enough because we all know many dudes will let some unattractive skank suck their wang but would never want to actually pork her.

I'd say that if he can picture going down on her, he should go for it.

Otherwise, he's just got a friend on his hands.

JustErin said:

Wise words young lady.

I was actually saying that with a slick reference to an infamous org poem.

BlueZebra said:

Obviously not infamous enough cuz I have no clue what you're talking about.

I think sometimes it's possible to overthink things and I think this is one of those times. I admire you though for wanting to be careful and not hurt her.

I think you should just try a few dates and see how things go. Be alone, just the two of you. Kiss her if you feel like it and she does too.

Whatever you do don't lead her on. Love/relationships/dating is tricky and even though sometimes we don't intend to hurt people it happens.

The thing is you'll never know if you don't try. I say take the chance, just go slow and be honest...

Volitan said:

If you write her a letter that is all about NOT saying a bunch of stuff, you are going to come off as an idiot.

If you want to date her, date her.

If you don't, don't.

But for God's sake, don't write her a letter telling her you don't want her to think you want to date her, or maybe could want to date her. What the shit is that?

If I go to the store and decide to get mint chocolate chip ice cream, I don't write a letter to the Rocky Road explaining how I might have been in the mood for it but didn't want it to think anything.

If you have something to say to her, pull your damn skirt down and say it out loud. If you're not sure you actually have anything to say to her, don't confuse the girl!

Good luck.

And you say this chick has self-esteem issues? PLEASE don't write her a letter telling her "I only like you as a friend" (untrue by your own admission, for one thing) but could be persuaded to go for something more.

If she has low self-esteem, she's going to take it as an insult.

A woman wants to be pursued because you WANT her. That makes her feel good about herself. Telling her, basically, "I'm not crazy about you but I'll settle for you" makes her feel plain and unwanted.

Trust me, that's how she'll likely take what you're proposing here.

Volitan said:

this is called a friend. not that confusing really

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

FunkMistress said:

Or she might read this part of his letter:

I deeply care for you and I feel a connection with you, and I could be more than friends with you.

and expect that there is/can be more by VOLITAN'S OWN ADMISSION. Be clear with this broad. none of the mysterious shit. You're going to lead her on if you come with vagueries
[Edited 7/14/08 11:19am]

trust me, because i know from experience... don't write a letter at all. it'll just complicate things. you're overthinking it. you're jumping the gun. just let it progress naturally.


letters tend to be bullshit and tend to create bullshit when/where there doesn't need to be any.

PLEASE! Don't lead her on!!

Don't do "boyfriendish" stuff for her if you don't really want to go there

but if you are attracted to her, but you just want to take things slow, then go for it...but don't lead her on!

For the love of all things horny, scrap the letter idea.

If you might really be into this girl, you need to explain that shit in person.

Ever read a post on here and think one thing, but find out it was another? Your letter idea runs that risk times ten.

Hard honest truth? I think you are enamored with the idea of her vulnerability. Reading you description of her, it sounds like you are describing prey.

Yeah, I'm definitly gonna do something about this. I just don't want her to not see me the way I see her, and then have her not hang out with me because she thinks I'm obsessed/creepy. I don't think things will ever be the same if I tell her I wanna start dating her.

If she was a girl I didn't barely know, this would be easier, but me and this girl have seriously known each other for 13 years (long time when you're 18/19 ). If I knew she felt the same way about me I'd go for it, but she hasn't really even given me any signs that she even likes me like that.

I'm not afraid of the rejection, I'm afraid of losing her in my life all together. I'd rather have her as a good friend than not have her in my life at all.

I'm too chicken shit to say anything in person. Like say, I'm alone with her and I say I like her (I have no idea what I'd ACTUALLY or what words I'd use say), and then she says "Sorry Greg, I don't like you like that..." and then it's just awkward. A message/email is so much easier because I have time to think. I was just thinking of saying something like "Hey, how would you feel if I said I had some sort of feelings for you" or something. IDK, I'll have to think about it for a little while longer. I'm new at ASKING the girl. The last two chicks I was with made the first move.
[Edited 7/15/08 5:53am]

can you 2 not just get drunk and accidentally have sex? that is how most relationships start

ZombieKitten said:

It's almost happened before. And we have a little bit of sexual inside jokes and stuff (kinda a long story, but we always joke that she owes me a blowjob, which she does. But I don't hold it against her. Plus she's seen my dick already). But where there's liqour there will be about 100 or so other people so sex would be difficult, since we wouldn't be alone.

Volitan said:

you both still live at home?