Hello my fellow orgers!

I'd like to throw out a scenario and get some advise.

For the last six months or so I've been avoiding calls from my Christian fundamentalist sister. The reason was unknown to me until she finally tracked
downed my sorry ass this morning.

Now this sister told me when I came out to her that I was going to hell for my "wicked" choices. Yes, she did use the word. She cried and said that she didn't want me to have such a "hard" life etc. etc. Anyway, we pretty much decided to avoid the topic of my gayness to attempt to have a decent brother/sister relationship. But our conversations through out the years were becoming more and more about her and her two teenage daughters and her preteen son (who is either gay or a completely feminine straight boy. Who knows? But my radar says he's gay. She's in for a rude awakening, though I'm sure she's deep in denial by now, but I digress.) and any questions thrown my way were of the shallow variety, how's work? how's your dog? Never once asking me if I'm seeing anyone or if I'm might be lonely or anything personal actually. I would volunteer things about my dating life just to hear her squirm from 800 miles away.

So, anyway, she tracks me down and demands to know why I've been avoiding her calls. The tone of her voice made me snap. I told her that I was not comfortable with the fact that she thinks I'm some second class citizen. She doled out the usual banter about hating the sin not the sinner. I told her I did not believe in sin. She told me that was typical of sinners. I would've laughed if it wasn't so goddamn depressing. What else? She went on about how I have a choice and all that bullshit. I told her (AGAIN!) that it was not a choice and even if it was a choice I had no problem with homosexuality. I asked her if she made the choice to be straight and she said, "Yes, I made a conscious choice." I said bullshit and told her the conversation was circular and that I was bored with the topic, bored with her and just bored with the argument. She stared to cry and said she would pray for my soul. I told her not to bother and hung up. Prayer! How to do nothing and pretend you're helping! Gimme a fucking break! Well, within the hour my brother, my other sister and my mother all called to bitch me out. Now, mind you, I have not heard from these people since January. Mofos even forgot my fucking birthday back in May. Whatever man! I know blood is thicker and all that malarkey but right now I'm so pissed to even care.

End of rant.

I think those people have a problem.

yeah.

Question, Resistor: Short of changing who you or your sister are as persons, what would be your heart's desire now with regard to your relationship with her? How would your interaction look from here on out?

Damn, sorry to hear that man... That's a tough spot to be in...

Happy Belated B-day!

look heres the crack

yes theres A GOD-who/what/how no-one knows

all this bloody religion is bullshit

fuck that crazy sister of yours-me? ive never seen people happy through religion though ive seen my fair share of fuckin nutters.

believe me when we get to heaven jesus will want to hang out with the likes of us-watching the match ,having a pint,chilling out-not some loony tune religious fundeMENTALIST

yeah i said it!

family can suck sometimes.

Lammastide said:

Good question. Truth is, I don't know. I thought we had a good relationship. She's pleasant enough, with the occasional jesus jive, but deep down I found it depressing that she really did not want to know anything personal. I find it odd that she's so uncomfortable with me.

jonylawson said:

word!

you're a good person, God loves you, she should too

TheResistor said:

With some variation I'm in a similar situation as you. I understand you are "not comfortable with the fact that she thinks (you're) some second class citizen." (i.e. You are uncomfortable with her identity as an active fundamentalist religious person.) She is likewise uncomfortable with your identity as an active gay person. And while the mutual discomfort seems to stifle a certain level of intimacy between you, she apparently makes some attempt to engage you. Your avoidance suggests you don't reciprocate... at least of late.

You perhaps see the asymmetry.

Truth is, unfortunately there is no science in how to deal with this sort of thing. But I will suggest there needs to be a certain mutuality of (at least low-level) tolerance. You may not be able to present certain aspects of yourself to her right now. Likewise, having been raised around people like your sister, I can guarantee she's holding back on saying some stuff to you This may seem less than genuine, but I disagree. It may be less than whole, but you are not presenting false selves to one-another. And as I suspect you both love one-another, the temporary sacrifice of holding back for both your security seems worth the relationship.

Eventually, as you both mature, she will want to know you as intimately as she once did. She will be able to handle it... and she will ask. Feel free then to share.

That aside... for what it's worth to you, I pray for you both.
[Edited 7/9/08 17:56pm]

if you want to remain close with your sister, you're just going to have to stick to your guns.

you have to let her know that you are willing to respect her spiritual life inasmuch as it does not intrude on you, but that she has to offer the same courtesy. if she can't get with that, then she needs to take some time and work it out.

I don't think you've over reacted. I'd be pissed too. I'd probably also be sad.

Hang in there. I know it sucks.

at least you are honest to yourself and to her.

she misses out on a wonderful brother.

i am sorry.

times 1,000!

Where do I begin?

I have an older sister who I love dearly and we are as close as can be but we do not discuss that part of my life. She is very religious but she is also very kind and a good person but she will never accept I'm bi.

A far as your sister and others like her go, I will never understand how our "sin" is greater than theirs. Hell, they won't even discuss their own. Fucking hypocrites.

Tell her to go fuck herself

TheResistor said:

make sure to invite them over for some schooling Supastyle

If you don't want to be bothered, then you really don't have to. If they are all flipped out about it, why act like they care? At least you told her the issue. I feel you owe them nothing. They aren't living their life for you and I don’t think you should live yours for them.

Stymie said:

At one time this was the case with my family. I finally got to the point where I said "BS", this is my life and I'm not hiding it. So I basically forced it on them until they were used to it, now my mom and I talk shop about men

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Nah, I'm not interested in forcing it on her and I am not out, nor will I ever be to the rest of my family.

Anxiety said: