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PrintableZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: Lust is mixed up in there too with me, yet I don't have to be in love with them (whatever that even means...I don't even know anymore  ) to be in lust. That follows pretty quickly though in my experience. Or whatever my definition/feeling of being in love is anyway. But eventually it all wears off sooner or later.  I get bored of people really quickly I'm sorry to say.  I wish I wasn't like that actually.once I have sex with someone, I'm usually in love with them by that stage  but then I only ever had 4 different partners over the last 20 years, all of them in 1994  I can't even remember what I was doing in 1994. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: once I have sex with someone, I'm usually in love with them by that stage but then I only ever had 4 different partners over the last 20 years, all of them in 1994 I can't even remember what I was doing in 1994. oh I don't remember anything else, just shagging those 4 boys | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: I can't even remember what I was doing in 1994. oh I don't remember anything else, just shagging those 4 boys ah good times, good times...  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: oh I don't remember anything else, just shagging those 4 boys ah good times, good times... yes it was a very good year all downhill since then | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: ah good times, good times... yes it was a very good year all downhill since then  Tell me about it though. I think we might be in the same boat judging from our responses here.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: yes it was a very good year all downhill since then Tell me about it though. I think we might be in the same boat judging from our responses here. how long have you been with your partner? | |
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minneapolisgenius said: Serious said:  I don't understand why the fact it doesn't work means that it wasn't/isn't love. In my understanding love is a feeling and has nothing to do with practicality  .Exactly! There's also that whole thing about loving someone and being "in love" with someone. There is a difference to me. And they both feel completely different too. I'm addicted to that "in love" feeling I think.  By definition being in love means it's infatuation and not love, right? And after some time it may or may not turn into love. I don't know, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wasn't it love from the beginning then? With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: I have a REALLY hard time distinguishing between the two. I get lust mixed up with those too since I have in my limited experience not actually lusted after anyone I wasn't already in love with. There is no infatuation without lust IMO.With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: Tell me about it though. I think we might be in the same boat judging from our responses here. how long have you been with your partner? 11 years. Married almost ten.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: Exactly! There's also that whole thing about loving someone and being "in love" with someone. There is a difference to me. And they both feel completely different too. I'm addicted to that "in love" feeling I think. By definition being in love means it's infatuation and not love, right? And after some time it may or may not turn into love. I don't know, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wasn't it love from the beginning then? real love can come once you know them and accept them. I don't think it is possible to love a stranger, since it isn't them you are loving, it is your fantasy of them that you love. | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: how long have you been with your partner? 11 years. Married almost ten. our 10th anniversary is in November  | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: Exactly! There's also that whole thing about loving someone and being "in love" with someone. There is a difference to me. And they both feel completely different too. I'm addicted to that "in love" feeling I think. By definition being in love means it's infatuation and not love, right? And after some time it may or may not turn into love. I don't know, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wasn't it love from the beginning then? I don't mean that both aren't actual love for someone, but there's a different feeling to it. (for me anyway) I think being "in love" with someone is also real love, but it's that exciting beginning stage of it that's mixed in with all the newness of everything, the lust, the butterflies thing, etc. You know, the great part that fades after a while. It's real love to me though."I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: 11 years. Married almost ten. our 10th anniversary is in November Ours is in September.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: how long have you been with your partner? 11 years. Married almost ten. I had no idea you are married .With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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ZombieKitten said: Serious said: By definition being in love means it's infatuation and not love, right? And after some time it may or may not turn into love. I don't know, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wasn't it love from the beginning then? real love can come once you know them and accept them. I don't think it is possible to love a stranger, since it isn't them you are loving, it is your fantasy of them that you love. This is also a good point though.  Like I said before though, I find it hard to tell the difference. Whne does it switch over from the "idea" or "fantasy" of how that person makes you feel, to the "real love" and acceptance of that person as a whole? Because if you're in love with someone, infatuated, in lust, all that wrapped into one, don't you accept everything about them from the beginning because it's all just so fascinating and new and you love everything they do and say? When does the reality of it set in and you start noticing their flaws (and vice-versa)?
And then you have those times that the very things you loved about a person and thought were so cute, become the things that you can't stand about them later on down the road. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: Serious said: By definition being in love means it's infatuation and not love, right? And after some time it may or may not turn into love. I don't know, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wasn't it love from the beginning then? I don't mean that both aren't actual love for someone, but there's a different feeling to it. (for me anyway) I think being "in love" with someone is also real love, but it's that exciting beginning stage of it that's mixed in with all the newness of everything, the lust, the butterflies thing, etc. You know, the great part that fades after a while. It's real love to me though.I agree, especially with the bolded part. Though it's not alway great as the circumstances are not alway right. With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: 11 years. Married almost ten. I had no idea you are married .Yeah most people don't. I don't really come across as a married person all that much. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: real love can come once you know them and accept them. I don't think it is possible to love a stranger, since it isn't them you are loving, it is your fantasy of them that you love. This is also a good point though. Like I said before though, I find it hard to tell the difference. Whne does it switch over from the "idea" or "fantasy" of how that person makes you feel, to the "real love" and acceptance of that person as a whole? Because if you're in love with someone, infatuated, in lust, all that wrapped into one, don't you accept everything about them from the beginning because it's all just so fascinating and new and you love everything they do and say? When does the reality of it set in and you start noticing their flaws (and vice-versa)?
And then you have those times that the very things you loved about a person and thought were so cute, become the things that you can't stand about them later on down the road. That's a good question. Moreover I am very realistic about a person I am in love with from the very beginning. it's not that I suddenly find out what I don't like, I see right away what will cause problems no matter how much in love I am. With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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minneapolisgenius said: Serious said: I had no idea you are married .Yeah most people don't. I don't really come across as a married person all that much. That's true . So is that a good thing or a bad thing? With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: real love can come once you know them and accept them. I don't think it is possible to love a stranger, since it isn't them you are loving, it is your fantasy of them that you love. This is also a good point though. Like I said before though, I find it hard to tell the difference. Whne does it switch over from the "idea" or "fantasy" of how that person makes you feel, to the "real love" and acceptance of that person as a whole? Because if you're in love with someone, infatuated, in lust, all that wrapped into one, don't you accept everything about them from the beginning because it's all just so fascinating and new and you love everything they do and say? When does the reality of it set in and you start noticing their flaws (and vice-versa)?
And then you have those times that the very things you loved about a person and thought were so cute, become the things that you can't stand about them later on down the road. I know it isn't very romantic of me but technically the art of real love can't kick in until that infatuation wears off, because only then do you CHOOSE to love them, rather than your hormones making that choice for you.
I've mentioned before the professor that asked singles to list for his survey, the top 10 most desirable traits & 10 dealbreakers. He then asked those same people for the same answers once they were in a relationship. He also went a step further and surveyed them once they were single again. ALL people surveyed, changed their lists when they were in a relationship. Where before and interestingly enough, AFTER people listed smoking as a deal breaker, if they happened to be in a relationship with a smoker, suddenly smoking wasn't a dealbreaker any more
All I can say is often our bodies do things to us that cloud our judgement | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: This is also a good point though. Like I said before though, I find it hard to tell the difference. Whne does it switch over from the "idea" or "fantasy" of how that person makes you feel, to the "real love" and acceptance of that person as a whole? Because if you're in love with someone, infatuated, in lust, all that wrapped into one, don't you accept everything about them from the beginning because it's all just so fascinating and new and you love everything they do and say? When does the reality of it set in and you start noticing their flaws (and vice-versa)?
And then you have those times that the very things you loved about a person and thought were so cute, become the things that you can't stand about them later on down the road. That's a good question. Moreover I am very realistic about a person I am in love with from the very beginning. it's not that I suddenly find out what I don't like, I see right away what will cause problems no matter how much in love I am. See I just go through life blindly not thinking about the future.
Or even tomorrow for that matter. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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ZombieKitten said: minneapolisgenius said: This is also a good point though. Like I said before though, I find it hard to tell the difference. Whne does it switch over from the "idea" or "fantasy" of how that person makes you feel, to the "real love" and acceptance of that person as a whole? Because if you're in love with someone, infatuated, in lust, all that wrapped into one, don't you accept everything about them from the beginning because it's all just so fascinating and new and you love everything they do and say? When does the reality of it set in and you start noticing their flaws (and vice-versa)?
And then you have those times that the very things you loved about a person and thought were so cute, become the things that you can't stand about them later on down the road. I know it isn't very romantic of me but technically the art of real love can't kick in until that infatuation wears off, because only then do you CHOOSE to love them, rather than your hormones making that choice for you.
I've mentioned before the professor that asked singles to list for his survey, the top 10 most desirable traits & 10 dealbreakers. He then asked those same people for the same answers once they were in a relationship. He also went a step further and surveyed them once they were single again. ALL people surveyed, changed their lists when they were in a relationship. Where before and interestingly enough, AFTER people listed smoking as a deal breaker, if they happened to be in a relationship with a smoker, suddenly smoking wasn't a dealbreaker any more
All I can say is often our bodies do things to us that cloud our judgement God don't I know it. 
Interesting point about "choosing to love them" though. I suppose you only know that through time though. But like I said before, I always get bored with people. So time can work against things in my case. The infatuation bit though is very addicting. It is like some sort of drug actually. It should never wear off.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: Serious said: That's a good question. Moreover I am very realistic about a person I am in love with from the very beginning. it's not that I suddenly find out what I don't like, I see right away what will cause problems no matter how much in love I am. See I just go through life blindly not thinking about the future.
Or even tomorrow for that matter. I wish I was more like that. I am a strange mixture, some things I overthink totally (is that even English ), when it comes to others I go through life blindly not thinking about the future just like you .With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: Yeah most people don't. I don't really come across as a married person all that much. That's true . So is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know, but it can get me into trouble sometimes. "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: Serious said: I don't understand why the fact it doesn't work means that it wasn't/isn't love. In my understanding love is a feeling and has nothing to do with practicality .Exactly! There's also that whole thing about loving someone and being "in love" with someone. There is a difference to me. And they both feel completely different too. I'm addicted to that "in love" feeling I think. I have to go off and listen to this now...
oh man...now that song will be in my head all day. | |
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Serious said: minneapolisgenius said: See I just go through life blindly not thinking about the future.
Or even tomorrow for that matter. I wish I was more like that. I am a strange mixture, some things I overthink totally (is that even English ), when it comes to others I go through life blindly not thinking about the future just like you .It might sound nice to be like that but believe me it's not. Look up "impulsive" in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of me.  "I saw a woman with major Hammer pants on the subway a few weeks ago and totally thought of you." - sextonseven | |
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minneapolisgenius said: ZombieKitten said: I know it isn't very romantic of me but technically the art of real love can't kick in until that infatuation wears off, because only then do you CHOOSE to love them, rather than your hormones making that choice for you.
I've mentioned before the professor that asked singles to list for his survey, the top 10 most desirable traits & 10 dealbreakers. He then asked those same people for the same answers once they were in a relationship. He also went a step further and surveyed them once they were single again. ALL people surveyed, changed their lists when they were in a relationship. Where before and interestingly enough, AFTER people listed smoking as a deal breaker, if they happened to be in a relationship with a smoker, suddenly smoking wasn't a dealbreaker any more
All I can say is often our bodies do things to us that cloud our judgement God don't I know it.
Interesting point about "choosing to love them" though. I suppose you only know that through time though. But like I said before, I always get bored with people. So time can work against things in my case. The infatuation bit though is very addicting. It is like some sort of drug actually. It should never wear off. that's right
you brush up against some new person, and you realise you could have all those exciting feelings again!
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