Do you think that you only truly fall in love once or that you can fall in love many times?

When you're considering entering a serious romantic relationship with someone, do you take things like job security, fashion sense, and credit rating into account or do you just listen to your heart and not think about the day-to-day issues?

I have no idea if you only truly fall in love once or many times but I do know that as I've gotten older I've started to take more practical things into account. For instance, my last relationship ended for many reasons but one of them had to do with the fact that the man I was involved with seemed to have an adverse reaction to holding down a job. I just can't deal with that. Being broke is not cute. Unfortunately, there are many cute guys who are broke.

Anyway org, what goes into your partner selection criteria?

i've been in love only twice so far (going for a 3rd time)
there's no limit on such things i think, if that were the case, our souls would be very dim and dull...

i look at things like emotional stability, maturity and honesty and trust an things like that, but if i fall in love with someone, usually its just my heart speaking it's piece and me following through...

... i usually have so much to say on this (and it's usually whenever i'm alone)... but i've been doing some thinking on it recently, i'm just trying to see the big picture right now...

Oh, I agree that as I've gotten older I've become more practical. More realistic about relationships. But, I will say that in my current one the initial "falling" period was strictly me following my heart.

I wasn't looking for it. It just sort of happened.

Now that it's gotten more serious of course I look at those things.

I try not to think too much about it though. I more of a "go with the flow" kind of person when it comes to the future. I don't like to plan too far ahead. I figure what will be will be.

I also do think you can fall in love more than once.


Happened to me.

yes, I totally believe you can fall in love many times

I've never thought about the practicalities whilst in the process of "falling in love" those things don't cross my mind much until the shine wears off a bit, by which time it's kind of awkward to extricate oneself I've fallen in love with 4 men in my lifetime, none would have met any sensible criteria if I'd thought to write a list of prerequisites

hokie said:

i think that's something major that everyone should look into.

why plan? all that added stress and pressure to follow through

i'd rather just appreciate what i have infront of me in the now, and hope that i'll be blessed with it tomorrow...

Some of us loving, practical types dress very, very well...

Sammi...

I've just learned the hard way that that is the best way for me. I believe that things happen the way they do for a reason. I may not get it at the time, but in time I can usually look back and say, "Ahhhh. THAT'S why that happened that way."

It is hard sometimes though. And especially when bad things are happening the pain can seem almost unbearable.

hokie said:

definitely learned the hard way myself, and no matter how many times it happened to me with numerous relationships, i still never realized it until now...
one day @ a time...

either way, you have the same possibility of getting a one-way ticket to jerkville, so i say go with your gut.

This is a really good thread.

I still go all willy nilly when I fall for someone and what they do or what they have makes no difference to me.

I believe that you can fall in love multiple times, yes I tend to just follow my heart and see where things go and then later on, I start thinking about all of that other crap

hokie said:

I don't like to plan, either but I do like to try to take an objective look at the person. I'm not talking about the initial butterfly phase but the serious, we're going to spend our life together phase. I've seen many women overlook critical aspects of their partner's personality because they were "in love" and then 10 years later they're stuck in a less than ideal relationship.

I just don't want that to be me.

I also don't like dragging around dead weight...so dammit I want a man with a good career! I'm going to have one, so why can't he?

anyway, I'll get off that soap box for now.

Anxiety said:

sometimes it's hard to go with your gut when your heart's in the way, though.

JasmineFire said:

I was married to a man that made well over 100k a year. I had anything I could have wanted. I had a nice house, nice car, nice clothes, etc. I had security. I had a good financial future.

But, our relationship didn't make it. I know that's not the only thing you'd look at. This time around I just went with my heart for the first time in my life. I completely let go of any fears and preconceived ideas of what I thought a partner should possess. I can say that it's been very freeing.

I'm happy now. Happier than I've been in a long, long time.
[Edited 6/30/08 19:50pm]

hokie said:

Yeah, a good career isn't everything but I would resent a broke man who shuffled from job to job so much that I know it would destroy the relationship. Don't ever mess with my money...if we're having a joint bank account then we BOTH better be contributing to it. I don't expect a man to support me financially and likewise I don't except to support a man.

It's not so much about the house, clothes, car, etc. but more about financial stability. I could live in a tiny little shack with a old, beat up car but as long as there's money in the bank, I'm a happy camper. It's hard for me to be emotionally stable if my finances are all in flux.

JasmineFire said:

I know you are being serious, but you are cracking me the hell up.

ThreadBare said:

Stymie said:

why?

JasmineFire said:

And to be serious, in today's economy, what would you do if your man lost his good job and couldn't find something for a while? Would you let him go?

Stymie said:

no. there's a difference between a man who lost his job and is looking for a new one and a man who has no intention of ever holding down a job.

It would undoubtedly put a strain on the relationship but hopefully wouldn't end it.

Life happens and I can accept that.

sammij said:

I'm sayin'... I'm not talkin' Fubu or Booboo. I'm talkin' suits. They like me at Jos.A.Banks. Executive card-carrying shopper!!!

Le sigh.

JasmineFire said:

Gotcha. Good stuff.

ThreadBare said:

what the heck are you le sighing about?

hokie said:

I think that it's wonderful that you've found love for a second time.

But I have to ask: How long have you two been together?

It just seems like it's very easy to follow your heart early on and not so easy 10 or 20 years down the road.

Obviously, I don't know your relationship and I'm not making a judgement on it. I'm just wondering 'cause I'm curious.

JasmineFire said:

I'm a bit loopy. That kind of day.

[hijack]

when I say "higher," I want you to throw up the peace sign. It'll do you no harm...





[/hijack]

JasmineFire said:

Do you mean how long the second time?

Or my marriage?


I was married 12 1/2 years.

This time it's been Almost a year. It started out as friends, but then progressed to something more. Well, maybe more like 9 months. I can't remember exactly when it changed, but yes, it's great.

hokie said:

I meant the second time.

Well, love doesn't mean a relationship will work. You can love someone and yet be utterly incompatible.
I could totally fall in love with someone who is "wrong" for me, and I have. Twice. It's finding someone who I can work with in all the relationship ways AND fall in love with that is the trick.

Of course, I haven't found anyone I'd even be willing to go on a second date with in well over a year, so what do I know?

CarrieMpls said:

co- That's the key, finding a balance between the two.

I've never been in love but I think it can happen more than once. I had great love and affection for my exes, still do because I'm friends with most of 'em and they are great guys in a lot of ways. However, we were wildly incompatible (which I overlooked in some cases for years) or they lacked ambition (which is a requirement for me).

CarrieMpls said:

Yes. Exactly.