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talk to me about violence/violent men/domestic violence.. eg: should men ever hit women/psychological abuse etc and vice versa.....
what is the cure for this shit?? | |
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The solution for me, is not to play those games, and ultimately, extract myself from the situation.
Also, why keep going back to the person if you feel that way about them? Walk away... and don't go back. | |
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domestic violence is wrong, no matter who is being abusive, man or woman, whether physical or nonverbal abuse.
It's just not acceptable. If a person finds themselves drawing the same type of person (i.e., abusive in some way), they should seek counseling to get help with how they process emotions and develop relationships. | |
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A good place to start is to assume there is NEVER NEVER NEVER an excuse for the abusive treatment -- physical, mental, sexual or otherwise -- of a partner, regardless of the sex of either party.
I wouldn't be overly prescriptive about "cures", but I would venture to say they hinge on three things: 1) The abusive party's capacity to explore those factors in themself that mitigate their sense of efficacy such that they'd seize upon such desperate and wanton modes of extending it; 2) The abused party's capacity to explore just what factors in themself mitigate their sense of efficacy such that they'd tolerate (or feel they've no escape from) the abuse; and 3) Both parties' capacity to appropriately address these respective factors toward a real, lasting correction -- whether or not their relationship survives or they move on to new partners. Failure at any one of these points allows room for abuse to recur. Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say.  ~Under lock and key* | |
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I have written about my experience with domestic violence:
Domestic abuse....A survivor's story http://www.prince.org/msg/100/114206 My cousin was killed due to domestic violence. I wrote this thread to mark the one year anniversary: http://www.prince.org/msg/100/220882 And this one to mark the 2 year: http://prince.org/msg/100/264513 If you're going through this, I am here to talk  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Good1 said: In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say. Very proud of you for leaving and for giving your child a better life SO PROUD!  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Good1 said: In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say. wow that made me cry. thanks for sharing your hard earned wisdom. 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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doUgetityet said: eg: should men ever hit women/psychological abuse etc and vice versa.....
what is the cure for this shit?? By getting the f-ck out of the relationship ASAP. The first time violence happens should be the LAST. | |
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There's no excuse for violence, but I understand how it happens sometimes. The cases I've known of this type of thing was not a one way thing. The woman pushed buttons to the extent that the man was insane with rage, and/or stayed with him after he hit her multiple times.
Again this does not excuse violence, but I believe in many cases there are things the victim can do to lessen the likelihood of it happening. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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NDRU said: There's no excuse for violence, but I understand how it happens sometimes. The cases I've known of this type of thing was not a one way thing. The woman pushed buttons to the extent that the man was insane with rage, and/or stayed with him after he hit her multiple times.
Again this does not excuse violence, but I believe in many cases there are things the victim can do to lessen the likelihood of it happening. Yes. One of the things I learned and part of my message when I speak on it, is that rightly or wrongly, the victim is making a choice and must be responsible to themselves for the choice that they made. many things motivate us to make bad and wrong choices but it is understanding ourselves and why we would make those choices that help to give clarity for the future. Understanding ourselves and forgiving ourselves for those choices can help someone from continuing on the path of destruction. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Not acceptable. no matter who it no one deserves to be mistreated Say it's just a dream...
U open up ur eyes and come 2 realize u simply imagined this So u lean over and give her a kiss Here on earth, here on earth, with u it's not so bad Here on earth, here on earth eye don't feel so sad Stay right here | |
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Good1 said: In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say. I'm sorry that you went through all that. 
I hope you take comfort in knowing that the way out has been made for you, God has called you to peace though you did all you could to save this relationship.  | |
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Thanks for all your kind thoughts, its a long time ago now (10 years) since I grew out of accepting cowardly behaviour from men.
Ironically, its precisely my non-acceptance of cowardly behaviour, that pushes their buttons, to this very day. I wish those types all the very best, while they spend the rest of their lives reconciling their relationship with their mothers. Am always happy to share my experience, if it will help others. ~Under lock and key* | |
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Good1 said: Thanks for all your kind thoughts, its a long time ago now (10 years) since I grew out of accepting cowardly behaviour from men.
Ironically, its precisely my non-acceptance of cowardly behaviour, that pushes their buttons, to this very day. I wish those types all the very best, while they spend the rest of their lives reconciling their relationship with their mothers. Am always happy to share my experience, if it will help others. It was 10 years between the time I left and the article I wrote on my experience. that article was my healing  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Good1 said: Thanks for all your kind thoughts, its a long time ago now (10 years) since I grew out of accepting cowardly behaviour from men.
Ironically, its precisely my non-acceptance of cowardly behaviour, that pushes their buttons, to this very day. I wish those types all the very best, while they spend the rest of their lives reconciling their relationship with their mothers. Am always happy to share my experience, if it will help others. It was 10 years between the time I left and the article I wrote on my experience. that article was my healing Hey you know what, writing what I wrote above, I think that was the icing on the cake of my healing too. We rock, totally.  ~Under lock and key* | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: NDRU said: There's no excuse for violence, but I understand how it happens sometimes. The cases I've known of this type of thing was not a one way thing. The woman pushed buttons to the extent that the man was insane with rage, and/or stayed with him after he hit her multiple times.
Again this does not excuse violence, but I believe in many cases there are things the victim can do to lessen the likelihood of it happening. Yes. One of the things I learned and part of my message when I speak on it, is that rightly or wrongly, the victim is making a choice and must be responsible to themselves for the choice that they made. many things motivate us to make bad and wrong choices but it is understanding ourselves and why we would make those choices that help to give clarity for the future. Understanding ourselves and forgiving ourselves for those choices can help someone from continuing on the path of destruction. Great point. | |
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Domestic violence can get to the point where you don't feel the pain of being hit. You get used to it, and because, for some insane reason, you love the person, and see the goodness in them buried underneath all their evil, you think well, I'll stick this out a little longer: "I believe in miracles". ~Under lock and key* | |
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Good1 said: In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say. "his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness." Wonderful wise words, I couldnt have put it any better, and this is the best way I have seen it stated thus far. Your experince sounds a lot like so many millions of abusive relationships- the other person is incable of a relationship and uses manipulation and bullshit to twist shit around constantly making it the other person fault, drugs and other chemicals dont help, as a fact it's a sure sign that the person is in denial- his or her whole word and motivation centers around getting high and justifying- no matter how twisted the thinking- justifying "the by any means necessary" to stay fucked up- no matter how many lives it destroys in the process. | |
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This is a sick way of thinking- whom ever thinks this way ought to learn the word "enabler"- cause they are going to have a 55 year old irresponsible kid- if they stick with it. Miracles happen when you walk away and trust if that person really loves you, he or she will get it together. Staying means one does not believe in miracles enough to walk away from it. Why would the goodness need to come out if the ugly is being tolerated- think about it.
Good1 said: Domestic violence can get to the point where you don't feel the pain of being hit. You get used to it, and because, for some insane reason, you love the person, and see the goodness in them buried underneath all their evil, you think well, I'll stick this out a little longer: "I believe in miracles". | |
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may078 said: "his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness." Wonderful wise words, I couldnt have put it any better, and this is the best way I have seen it stated thus far. Your experince sounds a lot like so many millions of abusive relationships- the other person is incable of a relationship and uses manipulation and bullshit to twist shit around constantly making it the other person fault, drugs and other chemicals dont help, as a fact it's a sure sign that the person is in denial- his or her whole word and motivation centers around getting high and justifying- no matter how twisted the thinking- justifying "the by any means necessary" to stay fucked up- no matter how many lives it destroys in the process.
 ~Under lock and key* | |
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 | |
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 | |
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You see that mirror G0d? | |
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Someone's still in denial. | |
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wildgoldenhoney said: Someone's still in denial.
He sure is. | |
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1800TRUFUNK said: wildgoldenhoney said: Someone's still in denial.
He sure is. Point proven. | |
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NDRU said: There's no excuse for violence, but I understand how it happens sometimes. The cases I've known of this type of thing was not a one way thing. The woman pushed buttons to the extent that the man was insane with rage, and/or stayed with him after he hit her multiple times.
Again this does not excuse violence, but I believe in many cases there are things the victim can do to lessen the likelihood of it happening. I'm not going to attack you, because I realize you're only talking about things of which you know nothing. But I will gently remind you that you are talking about things of which you know nothing. And that's all I have to say about that.  The Normal Whores Club | |
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doUgetityet said: eg: should men ever hit women/psychological abuse etc and vice versa.....
what is the cure for this shit?? No. What kind of question is that? The cure? Guaranteed prison sentence for someone who even just loses their temper and smacks their partner once. But that's just punitive. As preventative? We teach our children -boys and girls -self respect and respect for others. We find productive ways to eliminate this culture of sexual inequality we've lied ourselves into believing we're not living in. "A Watcher scoffs at gravity!" | |
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Good1 said: In my opinion, I think what tends to happen, is (if we're talking about violent men... they tend to believe that women deserve it, when in actual fact, they don't.
I used to live with someone who was incapable of understanding my point of view, because it was a threat to his own, a point of view he held so dear, much to his own detriment. He's a bachelor now, and everyone I know, who knew both of us, shakes their head at his woeful treatment of me, as if I was only in his life for his purposes, which had to be met at all times, regardless of what my own needs for understanding were. I was raped, bashed, imprisoned in my own home, my pregnancy was a nightmare because of him, he smoked so much dope he couldnt see anything clearly, his brain was emersed in self-gratifying weakness. He was jealous of me, resented me, humiliated me in front of our friends, and made sure, that I never received any credit for anything. He made money out of my existence, he took my jobs, he took my friends, he insulted my family, he even hurt our child, all because he couldnt stand to be wrong about anything. I left this asshole 10 years, and I've been flying free as a butterfly since. I reclaimed my sense of self, my self-worth, my life, and I have given my child the upbringing he deserves. To this day, that lousy man, pays $5 a week in child support, because he's paranoid I just want his money. It doesnt occur to him that money has nothing to do with it. Due to his 1% commitment to his son, his miserbale failure to apologise for anything he did to us, his near absence from his childs life, he is treated as if he doesnt exist, by me. No woman, no matter what her difficulty, no matter what her cause, ever deserves to be threatened or intimidated by, essentially, a coward. They are the weakest type of men on this planet. Men who cant control their temper, men who fail to feel secure enough in themselves to realise, that really, their problems arent anyone else's but their own. Try to help them, they take it as a threat to their ability to think of it first. Try to love them, they get suspicious of your intentions. Try to leave them, they hunt you down and hurt you. Try to do anything remotely positive, they perceive it as an attack on their morality. Instead of delving deeper in themselves, to look at their own mental and emotional problems, in order to save a marriage or a relationship, they prefer to throw the whole thing away, and be what my X is now.. Alone, miserable, just as conceited, all the while, pretending to be happy. Its always a sad day when a man cares more for being right, than he does about the truth. Thats all I have to say. Wow. Thanks for posting that. "A Watcher scoffs at gravity!" | |
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