Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it. 390

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

Mr. T can count past infinity

Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."

When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.

Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.

Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T." Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50

Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.

World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

There is a 11th commandment, edited out of the Bible, that says "None of the above applies to Mr. T."

Mr. T was actually named after his very rare blood type that proves he is genetically capable of ripping a man's arms out of his sockets. T-positive.

Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.

When Mr. T does his laundry, Snuggles the fabric softening bear jumps off the label on the bottle and hides in fear of being pitied. 180

Mr T. appeared on Wheel of Fortune. He asked for a "T" and Pat Sajak replied, "Sorry Mr. T, there are no T's". Mr. T replied I pity you Pat Sajak, and proceeded rip off Pat's head, extend his arms to make him in the shape of a "T" and place him on the board. He then punched Vanna in the face and dragged her off stage by her hair. Vanna is believed to be tied in gold chains in Mr. T's basement to this day.

Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.

Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.

Mr. T once had so many fools to pitty that he didn't know what to do with them all. So he created Chuck Norris, from one of his ribs and a pound of gold, to roundhouse kick the surplus of fools in the face.

Did you hear they're making a movie version of the A-Team? Mr T will not be in it. I think Ice Cube is in talks to play Mr T's character and John Singleton is going to direct it. Ain't that a bunch of jibber jabber?

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.


Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with Mr. T.

Chuck Norris once challenged Vin Diesel to an arm wrestling match. Mr. T won.

Mr. T's mother did not break water, she broke molten gold which, upon being born, Mr. T formed into his first gold chain.

Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.

Mr. T never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is. A road once failed to move prompting Mr. T to pity it until it became the Grand Canyon.

The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.

There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools. That time was called never.

Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index. Better known as "Gold". Today he was up 3 points.

Mr. T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.

Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.

Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.

"OH CHALKY, DON'T MESS WITH MR. T!"

Topic of the century.

This is the funniest thing I've read in a looooong time! MR. T rocks!

Lmao! lawd

Mr. T was actually raised by a tribe of wookies living high in the Sierra mountains. They blessed him with the ability to pity fools and taught him their sacred language of Jibba Jabba.

The first human alphabet consisted of only ‘Mr.’ and ‘T’. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe things that were not, in fact, awesome.

Scientists theorize that Mr. T cannot catch AIDS because his T-cells pity the virus into submission. The study of this phenomenon would lead to an AIDS vaccine; however doctors cannot obtain a blood sample because medical science has been unable to invent a hypodermic needle capable of piercing Mr. T’s skin.

When cloning technology was first being researched, Mr. T was called in to be a test subject. However, there was a terrible miscalculation and the accident created Booker T.

Mr. T once pitied a third of Europe. This event is now known as The Black Death.

Don’t ever call Mr. T, just “T”, somebody did that once, just once…

Mr. T was really the one responsible for the end of the Cold War. President Reagan sent him over to Russia and upon entering, had so much crunk around his neck, completely destroyed the standard value of gold for those Commie sons of bitches.
Curious but true: the circumference of Mr. T’s chest divided by the circumference of his biceps equals the number of pounds of gold around his neck. Check for yourself if you don’t believe me.

Mr. T is the reason your son is black.

Guns dont kill people, Mr. T kills people.

Mr. T got all his gold chains during a wild night of flashing his man boobs at Mardi Gras in 1993.

Mr. T’s trademark phrase “I pity the foo” was in the first copy of the bible. It was later removed because his righteous gold chains were being worshiped as false idols.

When Mr. T sleeps, he stores his gold chains in a special closet built for this purpose. We know this place as “Fort Knox”.

The movie “Clash of the Titans” was originally supposed be about an epic battle between Chuck Norris and Mr. T. During the first first scene atop Mt. Vesuvius, however, the volcano could not handle the sheer pressure and erupted, burying the city of Pompeii. Hollywood thus invented Greek civilization. Archeologists, while later excavating Pompeii, were to surprised to uncover a series of large gold chains, including one with a giant T emblem.

They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty precent of the time, Mr. T pities you all the time.

Mr. T shot the sheriff and the deputy.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Mr. T never learned to read. Letters learned to accomodate Mr. T’s mind.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once decided to fight each other. As both possess infinite strength, time and mass became a non issue. The fight is over, still going on, and yet to begin all at the same time. This evidence is what gave Einstein his big “relativity” idea. While the results of the fight are impossible for anyone to comprehend, let alone know, two things are certain. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked somebody in the face, and Mr. T pitied a fool.

The last person who touched Mr. T’s gold chains was Helen Keller.
Earthquakes don’t happen when the plates in the Earth are over-stressed by tectonic forces. They happen when Mr. T has to listen to too much jibba-jabba at once, which makes him angry enough to punch cracks in the Earth felt for hundreds of miles.

Mr. T plays ping pong with a medicine ball.

Mr. T was asked to be a consultant during the filming of Rocky IV. Upon his arrival he immediately punched Dolph Lundgren in the face for offering a handshake. When the producer asked why he would do such a thing, he picked the man up, lit his head on fire and smoked him. The director was reportedly Cuban.

Mr T. once pitied so many fools at once that just thinking about the amount of fools he pitied causes you to be automatically pitied.

Mr T once got an erection on a crowded train with beautiful women… they will be missed.

April 1st became known as “April Fool’s Day” only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.

Mr. T singlehandedly canceled “Friends” by frowning one time.

Mr. T’s dad once made him play Kiddie-Ball when he was little. The first time he was up to bat he hit a homer. They renamed it T-Ball in his honor.

Mr. T once had a staring contest with a statue and won.

Richard Simmons is Vin Diesel, after being pitied by Mr. T.

Mr. T has such a strong understanding of the English language that he can use the word “pity” as a preposition, adverb and a conjunction in a single sentence.

Mr. T doesn’t lift weights because it infers that he has limits to his strength.

Mr. T’s sweat can be used to purify gold. In addition, he doesn’t buy gold… it grows from his neck.

At first President Bush wanted to invade the A-Team’s van. They had intel that Murdock was hiding WMDs. When Bush heard a rumor that it was MR. T’s Pity. He decided it would be safer to go after Iraq.

In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration… that move is forever known as T Bagging.

At his current pace, Mr. T will have pitied every man, woman and child ever born by the year 2012. At that point, he will descend to Hell, offer a final pity for “that fool Devil,” and ascend to take his rightful place as God’s bouncer.

When Mr.T was on the price is right in 1979, he pitied Bob Barker, then he held the wheel still as he spun the world around it.

Every night Mr. T prays: “God grant me the serenity to accept the fools I cannot pity, the courage to pity the fools I can, and some crazy chrome spinners.”

Mr. T doesn’t care what Willis was talking about, it’s probably just a bunch of jibba jabba anyway.

Upon Realizing how many lives it would take to defeat the Japanese in WWII, Gerneral McArthur sent Mr.T and Chuck Noris plane tickets to a Anime convention in Hiroshima. I think we all know what happened next.

In the beginning, Mr. T created the heavens and the earth. And Mr. T said, “Let there be fools”; and there were fools. And Mr. T saw that the fools were bad; and pitied them.

The Hummer can scale a 60 degree incline. Mr. T’s 1982 GMC van can do 115 degrees.

According to Mr T only two languages exist: English and Jibba Jabba.

Mr. T’s penis is so intimidating that it was offered a spot on the group of judges for American Idol. However, this offer was dropped because Simon Cowell didn’t want a bigger d*ck than he was at the judges table.

The last time Mr. T took a dump and flushed it, people thought that there were alligators in the New York sewers.

Mr. T has the ability to kick all forms of ass known to man, 11 forms of ass unknown to man and 3 forms of unknown ass unknown to Yoda. He uses this ability on an hourly basis.

The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled “Fools and Those Who Pity Them”, only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked.

Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris once took a sh*t in the same toilet. The result was Rosie O’Donnell.

If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.

When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.

When Mr. T looks at a Magic-Eye illusion, the image changes into a crying child and it never changes back.

A New Jersey doctor once attempted to remove a mole from Mr. T’s back. After 19 hours of surgery, the mole remains and the doctor has been left paralyzed from the neck up.

Scientists don’t actually know how old Mr. T is they can only speculate. They will have to wait until he dies cut his penis in half and count the rings.

There was a time when Mr. T didn’t pity fools. That time was called never.
“Knock, Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Mr. T” “Shit.”

Mr. T can tear glass. Phonebooks are for fools.

Mr. T puts the ‘T’ in pity. Without the ‘T’ it would just be piy - and that’s just plain silly.

This one really got me.

LMAO, these were good: