Serious said:

To me, infatuation has nothing to do with love. Two totally separate things. Just like sex has nothing to do with love.

JustErin said:

What about affection? I mean if youre in love sex has an added dimension or can. I dont see how it could be the same, regardless of your relationship with the person. Even without you realising it would be different at least mentally for you if you have feelings for that person.

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[Edited 6/6/08 10:04am]

Serious said:

To me, infatuation has nothing to do with love. Two totally separate things. Just like sex has nothing to do with love.

LleeLlee said:

What about affection? I show affection to my son all the time. There is nothing sexual about that. I show the same kind of affection to someone I am involved with intimately. It's the same whether I am having sex with that person or not because sex has no influence on the kind of or amount of affection I have for or show someone. It's not related emotions to me.

Sex doesn't have an added dimension when I am in love with the person. It's not different physically and it's not different mentally for me.

It may determine if I want the person to stick around a bit when the sex is over, but that's pretty much it.

JustErin said:

So what do you call it when you fall in love with somebody? Is is infatuation that may turn into love or may not? Maybe the exact definition of the English terms is a bit different from the German ones.

JustErin said:

I should have stated it more clearly, I mean affection that is related to love not sex. You show your son affection because you love him and you might show a partner affection because you love him also. Affection rarely rears its head in a relationship based solely on sex but it its inevitable when feelings come into play. Thats why I'm saying that sex may be as enjoyable, but you dont switch off your feelings when youre with someone you love. For instance, even the way you look at somebody is different when you love them, so being intimate with that person is bound to reflect that, no matter how much you think it may not. Love and sex are related imo, not in every relationship but certainly in some depending on the context. You're viewing it as an entirely physical matter, but even in choosing your potential sexual partner you have exercised some thought processes, not love granted but mentally youve made a series of choices. Nobody is saying its not possible to separate love from sex, it is, but like I said, not for EVERY relationship a person has.


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[Edited 6/6/08 10:32am]

Okay I got a question for everyone here but before I ask hear me out on this please and my side of this(an please read all before answering):

People without children(who are seeking men and/or women who are single/divorced), Why does one automatically think that we need help or want help raising our kids when finding a mate/partner?

I surely dont need anyones help raising my child when I work and support ourselves. Our children already have fathers/mothers and we surely are capable of raising them, all we(the ones trying to find love/partnership) want is a bit love once in a awhile and the ones that say its a "deal breaker" clearly have some issues with this and had a bad experience). Now we are not asking you to take the place of the other parent who is or not around but to even say that is heartless IMHO and utterly disrespectful as well. Rather the "deal breaker" ones who stated this need to realize that we are not asking you to "raise our children" just realize we are a package deal, if you dont like that someones child needs our attention more then you yes Ill say it ....how low to be jealous of a child IMHO.

toots said:

Wouldn't you rather someone be honest about the fact that they don't want to date someone with kids? Would you want to get attached and then realize that they don't like your children or resent their presence? Not wanting to be involved with a woman with kids doesn't necessarily make a person heartless or jealous.

Wouldn't you rather someone be honest about the fact that they don't want to date someone with kids?

Would you want to get attached and then realize that they don't like your children or resent their presence?

Not wanting to be involved with a woman with kids doesn't necessarily make a person heartless or jealous.

Way back when ...

I learned the "deal breakers" were exactly in the trying to find a partner part or trying to be found by another, more so that any physical or mental type of expectations and limitations.

Droping the expectations and limitations and just allowing space for attraction to come IF it was meant to be worked far better for me then creating a list of whats and what nots. I had already done that and it didnt work out for me

Mach said:

I don't know....I tend to get romantically attached to the wrong kind of people. Having a concrete list keeps me from going down the same road over and over again.

My God after reading everyone's responses, no one here would ever date me!

no if they resent their presence they dont deserve me either and to resent a child for that matter is heartless IMHO. It isnt the child fault.

It is when they state such things as "I dont want to raise their kids" and etc.

All ask my question again:Why does one automatically think that we need help or want help raising our kids when finding a mate/partner?
[Edited 6/6/08 11:47am]

toots said:

I think the answer may lie in the possibility that probably many women are looking for just that.

Maybe not you, maybe not me...but perhaps we are the minority.

That said, I've never had someone think I was suddenly undatable because I have a son. Not that I get out much these days though.

minneapolisgenius said:

You make it sound like that's such a bad thing.
[Edited 6/6/08 12:09pm]

To me, infatuation has nothing to do with love. Two totally separate things. Just like sex has nothing to do with love.

I'M SURE...

You know that isn't always the case, right? Of course, casual sex has nothing to with love, likewise the blowjob a guy receives on a first date. But sex has a very important part to play in deep, meaningful, passionate and loving relationships.

JustErin said:

papaaisaway said:

Maybe for you. But not for me.

NOT FOR ME... YET

Just seems you've reduced sex to a purely mechanical exercise, no different to punching holes in cards or painting a fence (I wish some of the sex was as interesting as painting a fence... but that's another story. )

As you've managed to quite clearly mark a division between sex and love, it'd be interesting to know if you could live without one or the other. And which would it be?

JustErin said:

I'm 34 years old with a decent amount of sex and love experience under my belt. I don't think it's simply a case of me missing out on something and I'm suddenly going to see the great light.

I see sex as a basic biological need that we all have. Nothing more. I don't have a biological need to paint a fence or punch a hole so I don't think those things can be compared.

And I don't have to live a life where I could only live with one and not the other so I see no point in choosing between the two.
[Edited 6/6/08 16:12pm]

this would kill it .. right here ----> http://prince.org/msg/100/263731

Okay I got a question for everyone here but before I ask hear me out on this please and my side of this(an please read all before answering):

People without children(who are seeking men and/or women who are single/divorced), Why does one automatically think that we need help or want help raising our kids when finding a mate/partner?

I surely dont need anyones help raising my child when I work and support ourselves. Our children already have fathers/mothers and we surely are capable of raising them, all we(the ones trying to find love/partnership) want is a bit love once in a awhile and the ones that say its a "deal breaker" clearly have some issues with this and had a bad experience). Now we are not asking you to take the place of the other parent who is or not around but to even say that is heartless IMHO and utterly disrespectful as well. Rather the "deal breaker" ones who stated this need to realize that we are not asking you to "raise our children" just realize we are a package deal, if you dont like that someones child needs our attention more then you yes Ill say it ....how low to be jealous of a child IMHO.

toots said:

I've met some cool women who have children. I'm not with them.

Some single mothers really, really do have issues with their children's fathers. If you meet someone who hasn't acknowledged that issue -- if, in fact, it is an issue -- it can be emotionally uncool.

Take someone who's been single for a good while, jumping to automatic stepfatherhood would be really tricky. Especially when just marrying would entail a lot of adjusting.

Not wanting to be part of that scene, given all the variables, and being upfront about it are healthy, IMO.

What issues are the ones that make you say when you're getting to know someone you might want to date : "Hold it..... I can't go on with this".

purplehippieonthe1 said:

when i get that gut feeling they're not being honest about important things.

1) Bad hygene

2) Excessive noise or cursing during conversation (combine the two and it's over).

3) Mean sense of humor. It's great for friends from time to time, but renders you remarkably unfuckable.

4) Exessive talking (especially if it's a woman).

5) Strong stances that are politically different from mine

6) Too young

7) Trying too hard to impress me (I can sense it when people do that and it's a turn off).

8) For women, too much hair, makeup, or 'gloss'. Nothing turns me off visually more than the Carmen Electra drag queen makeup look

9) Too prying. I *HATE* answering questions about myself , and the person I'm currently with is about the only person ever that I actually enjoy doing it with. But in general, don't pry into my inner thoughts.
10) Anyone who is rude to the waitress or waiter during a date--it doesn't matter how well we got along--It's over.

11) For men, anyone who lacks drive or motivation in their careers and life--if you're just coasting through life, at least pretend you want more.

12) For women, any woman who doesn't like children or brags (and I can't tell you how many times I've seen women brag) about not knowing how to cook. That's as tacky to me as men bragging about not doing yardwork, etc. etc. Yeah, sexist, but it's true.

13) Bad dancers who think they're good.

14) Hair scrunchies

15) Excessively slutty outfit. Big turn off. I don't like 'flashy' on a date.