“Dinosaurs were big and fat, Daniel, so they had to sit in water so their bones wouldn't ache, “ Mrs. Jack told me as the two of us thumbed through little pop-up book of dinosaurs. I often walked down to Mr.s Jack’s house to sit and just talk with her, sometimes for hours, cause she was always willing to share some time with me despite having 12 children of her own.

“But, “ I responded, wide eyed and curious, “How did they use the bathroom? In the same water they drink?”

She looked at me nodding both playfully and feigning discust, and we both simultaneously said, “ewwwww!” and busted up laughing.

Mrs. Jack was a Chamorro lady indigenous to the Island of Siapan, where I was living at the ripe age of 6. Weighing approximately 300+ pounds, she was a huge, soft tissued, woman, with a smile that rivaled the gorgeous sunsets of Saipan’s Marriana facing shores.

“But how did T-Rex get to them if they always stayed in the water?” I asked.

“He was mean, honey, “ She replied, “and stronger than any animal ever! He was so strong you couldn’t kill him!”

I remember she always smelled like baby powder, and always wore flower printed dresses. Of all he memories burned into my mind most on the day my family left Saipan, it was the day a teary eyed Mr.s Jack placed a Lay around my neck and said a blessing for me.

“But if he was so strong, how come there aren’t any t-rex’s alive today? I asked.

“Because, “ She responded, “Sometimes, Daniel, God has other plans.”

“So, God killed the dinosaurs?” I asked?

“Yes, honey, he killed them.”

“But, how?”

“Well,” , she responded, in almost a whisper so as to not let God hear her telling his dirty little secrets, which I always found odd as she empatically told me a million times that God could hear everything and to watch my mouth, “God killed them in the flood!”

“But, “ I asked, “didn’t God tell Noah to save every animal?”

“Well, he did, “ she said, happy that I paid attention to her stories, “but the Dinosaurs couldn’t fit on the boat, and besides--they would have eaten all the other animals!”

“But, “ I said, “The triceratops isn’t that big! God could have spared him!”

“Sometimes, love, God just has other plans!”

“Can God Fix everything?” I asked?

“Yes, he can honey.” She responded assuredly in a way that always comforted me. “God can fix anything.” This was of such comfort to me, as there were so many things I wanted God to fix for me.

“Mrs. Jack, “ I asked, “ Why didn’t God kill the blue whale? I mean, it was bigger than the t-rex and Diploticus all rolled into one!”

She looked down at me, thought over her response for a white hot minute, and finally responded smiling again, “Because whales don’t drown honey. They like the water.”

“ohhhhh”, I responded.

“Are you hungry? Let’s have lunch”, she said patting me on the shoulder.

“YES!” I said placing down my book. Mr.s Jack always had all the answers.


.



supa is picky about thread titles edit
[Edited 5/8/08 18:21pm]

that's an awful lot to read.

Anxiety said:

And punctuate that shit! I read it as

M

R

S

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

do you see what supa just posted? that's about how long your posts should be when you start a thread. let supa's example guide you. let him be your thread sherpa.

Anxiety said:

No, not me!! I write 26 page orgnotes and my threads are no better

The dinosaurs were on the ark, too.

Look it up.

ThreadBare said:

Mrs. Jack could PWN you in P&R if she were a Prince fan

I'm sending you all crotch pix.

Imago said:

Sans pants!!!!

Oh and....

I

HATE

YOUR

SIG!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

i know. i'm suffering from misdirected sarcasm tonight. i don't even know what i'm being bitchy about or what my point is. it's like a sarcasm state of nature. picture the apes at the beginning of 2001, all with paul lynde's head. that's what my mind is like tonight.

Imago said:

I'm not a-scared of Mrs. Jack. Though, as a child, a woman with a man's first name as a last name might have seemed really odd to me.

She didn't have big hands and a deep voice, did she, Imago?

guys!!!!

You're jacking this thread way too early! No, everybody is going to think it's shitty!

Imago said:

Great thread: References to the ark and Paul Lynde and Mrs. Jack's abnormally large hands for a woman.






(don't use "both" when referring to more than 2 items edit)
[Edited 5/8/08 18:28pm]

ThreadBare said:

I've seen Gold319 threads with better responses!

Imago said:

if it walks like a turd and it quacks like a turd, chances are it's probably a duck or a turd.

Anxiety said:

Oh lawd, my original post was like Amy Whinehouse on stage.


The rest of this shit is like Amy after the show is over and the lights go down.

Anxiety said:

Which reminds me....




Scientists map the genetic makeup of the platypus
By ROHAN SULLIVAN – 3 hours ago

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — With a bill like a duck, a tail like a beaver and snake-like venom hidden in heel spurs, the platypus could be the result of some strange genetic experiment.

And it is, scientists say: evolution.

A scientific team published the genetic makeup of the Australian animal in the scientific journal Nature on Thursday, confirming that its features — which straddle multiple animal classes — are reflected in its DNA.

The research could help explain how mammals, including humans, evolved from reptiles millions of years ago, they said.

"At first glance, the platypus appears as if it was the result of an evolutionary accident," said Francis S. Collins, director of the U.S. National Human Genome Research Institute, which funded the study.

"But as weird as this animal looks, its genome sequence is priceless for understanding how mammalian biological processes evolved," Collins said in a statement.

More than 100 scientists from the United States, Australia, Japan and other nations took part in mapping the genome, using DNA collected from a female platypus named Glennie.

Jenny Graves, an Australian National University genomics expert who co-wrote the paper, said the gene sequencing shows the platypus has a mix that crosses different classifications of animals.

"What we found was the genome, just like the animal, is an amazing amalgam of reptilian and mammal characteristics with quite a few unique platypus characteristics as well," she told Australian Broadcasting Corp.

The platypus is classed as a mammal because it has fur and feeds its young with milk. But it also has bird and reptile features — it lays eggs, has a duck-like bill and webbed feet, it and lives mostly underwater. Males also have spurs on their heels that inject pain-causing venom to ward off mating rivals.

Scientists believe the platypus and humans shared an evolutionary path until about 165 million years ago when the platypus branched off. Unlike other evolving mammals, the platypus retained characteristics of snakes and lizards, Graves said.

By comparing platypus genes to those of humans and other mammals, scientists hope to fill in the gaps about mammals' evolution and better identify species' specific traits.

Unique to Australia, the platypus has confounded observers for centuries. Aboriginal legend explained the notoriously shy animal as the offspring of a duck and an amorous water rat.

When the British Museum received its first specimen in 1798, zoologist George Shaw was so dubious he tried to cut the pelt with scissors to make sure the bill had not been stitched on by a taxidermist.

Platypuses live along most of Australia's east coast and though their numbers are not accurately known they are not considered to be endangered.

Does anybody have any pictures of Threadbare? :photoshop:

WTF is "Mr.s"?! Boo, there are mad errors in there!
[Edited 5/8/08 18:40pm]

If they made a museum exhibit out of you, what pose would the put you in?

JessieJ said:

I'm sending you a picture of my crotch.

littlemissG said:

Imago said:

Bestill your villainy, squire!


[Edited 5/8/08 18:47pm]

This stupid thread.

Imago said:

(Damn, I'm a dumbass. I made an error while telling you about your errors. Gat damn. )
[Edited 5/8/08 18:41pm]

I bet on some level she was relieved to see you go.

JessieJ said:

If you had to sing a song, what song you sing?
[Edited 5/8/08 18:47pm]