I was just wondering if anyone here has ever had to let something go, job, friends, relationships, because you know either it would be better for you, or better for the people involved?

If so, how did you handle it? Did the person or persons understand why you were doing it? Did you feel better after walking away from it? Did you teeter for a bit before making the choice of letting go or not? If you let go, how did you handle the emotions that came with your choice?

All answers, honest, dishonest, funny, serious, would be great!

All of the above

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Best answer ever!

a relationship
it's still hard today...
...you want to be there but being there might make matters worse...

a catch 22 - that's all i can really contribute

to add, do you. make yourself happy. i would imagine most of these instances are happening in adult life, and only you are responsible for you, and they are responsible for them. help is great yes, but don't try to solve all their problems.
the worst thing you can do in a situation like this is neglect yourself.

that's all.

sammij said:

Very good advice Sammi, thank you!

MoniGram said:

You said funny was allowed



I have had to cut people out of my life where I was able to tell them so and I have done it cold without ever saying a word. Depends on the situation really. Most times I knew it was the right thing and when it come to love I never felt better about until there was time passed in order to process or deal. When it come to friendships, I rarely felt bad because I had come in those instances to realize that I was being taken advantage of.....

Good luck Moni with dealing with all these issues

Absolutely. I've had to let go of friendships and relationships. It has gone both ways. Some understood why I was doing it, but I've had some very bad endings to say the least. At the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me. If someone else doesn't like my decisions, I don't really give a damn.



And hell yes I felt much better after I let go of these people.

ok. I guess I'll be open about this.



I broke up permemnaately with my long time on-again/off-again girlfriend in November.
In doing so, I finally severed all ties with friends that I felt were toxic (many who were friends of both of ours).


you see Moni. what you and your are going through? I went through ever year since 2004 It. hurts. to. keep. it. going. when all you want is to lay down with someone and just make things be the same as they were when things were good. It abosolutley tears you apart wanting to be touched, to be held...to be listenned to.

But sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way. Sometimes, you just aren't good each other, and getting back with that person or those friends, only prolongs the inevitable.

How am I handling it now?

Well, I went RAW-Vegan around December, so my "comfort food" was denied to me as I was going through this relatively sobering sublimation. My safety blanket wasn't there, so I had to deal with my emotions as they came. I had the best fucking cry a few weeks back of my entire life . It felt so good to have the levee break in that regard.
I'm also openning up to the possibility of growing again. I mean, really growing as a person. Not withdrawing into a bitter protective shell. not to shy away from painful things and encase myself in a blanket of comfort. But to grow and take chances.

It's been liberating and scary. And oddly fresh.

Trust me from an old vet--move on.

I like my bitter protective shell.

Imago said:

The raw is making you gayer

CarrieMpls said:

Girl, a few beers and that shell is more like a thin veneer








I keed. I keed.

Yes I decided to "let go" of my ex husband, house, dogs , the life we had together..including all of our friends.
Everything I knew basically. I moved out with just some necessities and lived alone for some time to clear my head and heal. Even when you do things that are best for you, you still need time to heal yourself.
Some times YOU have to be the one to make the huge changes and decide it is best for you to "let go".

All of that was really hard and it still haunts me some days. I really really miss my two dogs. The only comfort I have is that I know they are well cared for, together and loved.

I have been told that some times the best things in life are not the most easiest things to do.

You have to do what is best for YOU!!!

Moni sweetheart what you are going through sucks big hairy donkey balls.....but its for the best. Better is there, what Moni needs and deserves is there....trust me..i am living proof

I am in the process of letting go the unrealistic expectations I had about my mom and my sister. My mom was never good at listening to my problems, but she demanded that I listen to hers. In most aspects it has been a relationship in which I have felt used by her and rejected by her godly standards. So, I am going to withold from her how I am feeling or any problems I may have.
My sister dilikes and resents me because my mom favored me when I was a kid. Sister has showned me in countless of ways that she despises me. It was very difficult for me to admit it to myself and come to terms with it. But I will do it.

gyro34 said:

Even though it's painful and is really not right that you be treated in either manner, in the end you will be freeing yourself Recognizing how people are and what you can realistically expect from them goes a long way to your own self accountability. You've recognized the truth, you assessed the situation, you made changes in your perceptions/actions, you are being accountable for your own actions, you are free.

i lost all my friends up here at college when i broke up with my ex. all of them, even the ones i'd had before he started going to school here. some of it was because they'd gone the 'taken his side' route (something he encouraged, for whatever reason ), some was just because i didn't want to be around them anymore. it's gotten a lot easier (mostly because i'm such a loner by default), but in the fall i'd occasionally get really fucking pissed off about it. it'd be nice having friends here, but i certainly don't need them.

the only downside to it now i think is that i tend to really push people away here, so that if someone tries chatting or bonding with me i'm far too wary of it. i'm trying to change that though, i think. either way moni, just do it, get away from people that you need to.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thanks, Supa for your kind words. I am letting go off much anger and sadness. Oh, it's tough right now, but I feel hopeful.
I admire the strength that you summoned to leave behind all those people that were not treating you right.

MoniGram said:

u know what i said
[Edited 3/3/08 14:25pm]

CarrieMpls said:

me too

i have that shell too i mean
[Edited 3/3/08 14:28pm]

I was never good at letting go . I know my life would be a lot easier if I would just accept certain things the way they are .


That thread reminds me of this song:

Letting Go:
The knife's edge pierces Autumn
And stabs the wind we fear
But we must find ourselves
Before we disappear
By knowing when to move on
We keep the peace with our pride
We seldom live our moments
Before the leaves have dried

But it's a peaceful feeling when
We surrender
And there is healing power in
Letting go

Alone, confused, and naked
Is when we are most sacred
Fear is the enemy
That strikes out at our sanity
By keeping faith in our promise
We drink from Eros fountains
We confirm that we are here
Moving up on higher mountains...

And it's a peaceful feeling when...
We surrender
And there is healing power in...
Letting go

And it's a peaceful feeling when...
We surrender
There is healing power in...
Letting go

Letting go
Hush, hush I hear music
Falling down like rain
Hush, I feel mercy
And forgiveness

I see Golden Light...
Shining ever-bright
Into the light I'll go...

And it's a peaceful feeling when
We surrender
And there is healing power in
Letting go

And it's a peaceful feeling when
We surrender
There is healing power in...
In letting go

Letting go...

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank you Supa! And funny is always allowed! Nothing better then laughter.

jess555ja said:

Were you ever afraid of doing this??

Imago said:

Dan, sometimes I think you and are the same! Everything you said, hit home, and hit home HARD! Do you have a support system? Because there are days I feel very alone, because not everyone understands what I am trying to do.

CarrieMpls said:

Can it be candy coated?

shanti0608 said:

That is the part that scares me, I am not sure what is best for me.

MoniGram said:

no.

No support system. And no close freinds in the same town anymore.

It's been a tough , long, hard road


You know something? Just cause it hurts, doesn't mean you shouldn't go through with it.
Like circumcision.





I keed. I keed.

mdiver said:

Well if you have any one that can help send them my way!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

So wise Supa!

evenstar said:

I tried to get away once before, that lasted a week. Then this past week, kept telling this person I throw in the towel, that I give up, told them to do what they want. They still sucked me in! So, trying to decide, the fear of being alone or without their friendship scares me so much. I just don't know how to do it.

babooshleeky said:

Yes sweetie and thank you so much for your friendship thru all this.