My Dad always loved a good joke.

He would have been 60 years old today.

Unfortunately, he never made it to his 59th birthday.....we lost him to cancer in March last year.

Happy Birthday Dad. I love and miss you

so please, post a joke, or something else funny here....i could do with a laugh.

prb said:

these always make me laugh: courtesy of Steven Wright

Whenever everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

Always borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.

The speed of time is one second per second.

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

My father was a small claims court jester.

What's the youngest you can die of old age?

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I was skydiving horizontally.

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

On my walls I have pictures of the rooms on the second floor, so I never have to go upstairs.

I bought some dehydrated water, but I don't know what to add to it.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it."

Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.

When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

I had parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I say "Come here, Stay!" After a while the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I spilled Spot Remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 inches taller.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "cut it out!"

I'm so hyper (said with a very dull voice).

Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me! I wonder how much deeper they'd be if that didn't happen.

prb said:

Hi, sorry about your dad.
Here's a video for you...

Here's a link to the Prince jokes...
http://prince.org/msg/7/248893

TY jamie

thats a great start

:prbwipestearsoflaughterfromhereyes:

wildgoldenhoney said:

this is really the best one I've heard in ages....makes me every time....

I've been trying to find other threads, can't find anymore!
But that should keep you busy for a little while...

roodboi said:

wildgoldenhoney said:

ty

ive had a 2nite

and i needed one big time

prb said:

glad you could find a giggle 2nite!

So sorry to hear about loosing your father. You must miss him a lot.
lemme think of a great joke to make you laugh.

my uncle's birthday is also today, but we too lost him to cancer 3 years ago.. I smile still cause I know he's at peace

here's my little joke (just a simple one)


Married woman saw another married woman wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger .. so.. married woman says to the other 'wrong finger' .. and the woman replied 'Yes, I know..I married the wrong man'

This is the only joke I know.








What did one tampon say to the other tampon?


Answer: Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.He says,"Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you alreadygave me five dollars."The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

DanceWme said:

omg

DanceWme said:

old folks doing each others hair is hilarious...

roodboi said:

I knew u'd get it

thanks to every one who has posted on this thread


laughter is definetly the best medicine

DanceWme said:

i think id heard that one b4....from my dad

billyjackbitch said:

ty

Flowerz said:

sorry about ur uncle

ur joke

Imago said:

i had definately heard dad tell that one b4

One4All4Ever said:

and the winner is.....

prb said:

welcome to the vortex

One4All4Ever said:

ty