Do any of you have family members that have been cut off from the rest of the family?

I have an aunt, my father's sister, that I have not spoken to in 20 years. It's rather a mutual parting. She's rather inclined for the family to give her anything she wants or we're being disrespectful to her. We're rather inclined not to.

She was so much fun when I was a kid. After 20 years I still miss her. In the beginning I reached out to her but she never responded. It's all a long story, but I've thought about trying again recently because she is older now, about 60 years old, and I hate the idea of her being alone, although I know she may have good friends in her life. If my father found out I reached out to her, HE'D stop talking to me as he feels his sister was terrible to my grandmother and only wanted her money...again, long story.

So, it sits heavy in my heart and has for awhile now.

How have things like this worked out in your family...if you have faced things like this?

That's "their" personal issues, not yours. Don't allow yourself to be dragged into their personal fight.

What you do is your business. You have nothing to do with their issues.

Reach out to her. Get to know her because one day she will pass on and you will regret not knowing her.

Nothinbutjoy said:

I have an uncle on my father's side that my brother, sister and parents never ever talk to since about 12 years. When I moved out of the house, I went to live with my girlfriend in the city, I started visiting him again because he has a grocery store about 200 meters from where we lived together with his boyfriend (him being gay is NOT the reason my next-of-kin are not talking to him, just to make that clear !), We have great times, we spent some new year eve's together, we often visit him and his bf at the Belgian Coast together with our kids and we have long interesting talks. I've never felt obliged not to talk to him, and really ... I couldn't care less what anybody thinks of it.

His bf lived in Israel for a few years and is very knowledgeable on different subjects ... I love the stories he tells ...

luv4u said:

and

I wish it were that simple as I also have mixed feelings about her.

Like I said, long story, but it's not like my dad says don't talk to her so I don't. He'd be pissed knowing I'm even CONTEMPLATING contacting her, so any actual contact would be very upsetting and infuriating to him.

Anyway, I'm thinking of sending her a Christmas card, and we're going to be visiting the area where she lives in May, so in the card, I would let her know that and give her the option of meeting up with us.

The part that sticks with me is the idea that she is 60 now. I see how my dad looks and just don't like the possibility of her being alone, which she probably isn't.

Nothinbutjoy said:

your heart tells you to do that ... do it.

One4All4Ever said:

I'm definately leaning that way

I have an aunt, from my mother's side, who doesn't get along with anyone. When my grandfather was dying, he did nothing to help, but when he died, she came and decided she wants his stuff. she always fought with my mother and my uncle. They do not speak to each other anymore.

I have another aunt, from my father's side, who I and my brother do not get along with. since she lives in Canada, and all of my family is in Israel, me and my brother are the only ones who experience being around her, and I believe that if my other family members would've been here, they'd understand what we're going through.
My nephew was born 3 days ago, and she did not call once. Unfortunately, my father is the same way, and I'm afraid we're going to lose touch completely. But I cannot change anyone, and will not try. It's their nature, and I guess it's meant to be this way.

I'm well on my way.

ArielB said:

That's been part of our situation as well. My family will cut people off at the drop of a hat. I cannot change that. All I can do is do what I need to do.

I think there are two sides to every story. I think family would benefit if everybody took the time to the other person's point of view. there is a reason for every action. maybe there is something they are hiding or holding a grudge about that is not known. a continuous misunderstanding that was never untangled.
and most of the time the disinherited continues to be through hand me down dislike. See for yourself and avoid opinions from other relatives. make up your own mind.

heybaby said:

hate takes like so much more energy than love.

heybaby said:

That is very true. I've always known that she has her side and my dad has his and in their case, never the two shall meet. And grudges and continous misunderstanding? My family has CHAMPIONS in grudge holdings and misunderstandings!

But she's also been quite nasty to me as a young adult. I did know her up to a certain point and I have reached out to her in the past, but that is a 20 year ago distant past.

I always thought this would be resolved by now, as she and I were quite close when I was younger. It amazes me it has lasted this long and makes me sad. So I think I will send her a Christmas card and let her know when we will be in here area and just go from there if she responds.


[Edited 12/2/07 11:51am]

Nothinbutjoy said:

do it. good idea. the ball is in her court from there.

My sister and brother-in-law chose money over me and my brother and our families.

I'm glad my parents didn't live to see that.

GangstaFam said:

someone as charming as you? I don't see it.

heybaby said:

I'll give ya the full story next time I'm in Chicago. It ain't pretty.

GangstaFam said:

anytime.

heybaby said:

They would benifit, if they can talk. But sometimes people are too stubborn, or ways of life are too different to accept them by the other party.

No. Remarkably there is no real drama in my family - extended as well.

Not sure how that happened.

You can pick your friends, but not your family thus deal with it accordingly.

I for one have outgrown the notion that family is suppose to be some kind of important emotional bond that if you don't share then something is wrong with YOU. Just cause people share the same heredity doesn't make them anymore important in my life.