One4All4Ever said:

You're bringing up several different topics:

1. Human nature. Studies indicate those who are attractive, are looked at in a positive light. ie: job interviews etc.

2. Deformities. Physical characteristics that others are uncomfortable with, or find repulsive, and respond to, in a variety of ways.

3.When is it appropriate to interact with someone who is ignorant?

xplnyrslf said:

i guess it depends on one's investment in the area of a person's ignorance, and how much one wants to inform and educate that person in an effort to make them less ignorant.

i mean, let's break down what ignorance is. it's a lack of knowledge. ignorance by its very nature doesn't make a person bad or ugly. it's just a lack of development in some area. so if someone says something ignorant about body image or gender or ageism or whatEVER, it may just be a matter of offering that person a different perspective that they've never been offered before. it's less about punishing the ignorant person, and more about trying to give them a little boost. wouldn't you want someone to do that for you?

xplnyrslf said:

On a more serious note, I think it's more about fear. It's more like "there but for the grace of God go I."

I just think people don't know how to handle such things, and when confronted with the reality that these things do happen... well they dismiss it, ya know?

Anyway.. I've had a few glasses of wine so.. I'm probably not making much sense.. But I think it's about fear...

xplnyrslf said:

Replying to my reply:

1. You can't change human nature.

2. How one responds to others with deformities, is based on exposure, experience, and maturity. (with my job, we have a surgeon who volunteers his services doing corrective surgery for disadvantaged families, so we see alot)

3. It's never too late to educate the ignorant, given the right circumstances. You wouldn't want to deal with a couple of obnoxious drunks.

Anxiety said:

In view of the circumstances, at the movie theater, this was more than ignorance. It was unkind to suggest she shouldn't be working there. Hopefully, she didn't hear the statement. I would have turned and given the old "up and down" glance. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

xplnyrslf said:

Are you responding to me because I'm not necessarily drunk. I don't get drunk because I fall asleep before that happens.

I still stand by what I say. I don't think it's ignorance..but more about fear.

I just think people mask fear in many different ways-- being rude, insensitive, or indifferent..

I could go on, but I won't because why bother?

Anyway, I just don't think most people are jerks. It's just few who.. don't really know how to handle their fear or own insecurity. Those are the ones who are jerks..

The majority of people are really cool, but unfortunately, the small minority who aren't makes it difficult for everybody.
[Edited 11/30/07 18:54pm]

Isel said:

How do you explain the brutal honesty of children?
They are innocent, inexperienced, and the 1st to yell: "Mom! Look at that guy's arm! It's not there!" (with an amputee)
They don't mean anything by it, it's just they haven't learned how to deal with others who are different.....
Adults are a different story, with the situation as described.

You wish children had a little more fear....
[Edited 11/30/07 18:59pm]

xplnyrslf said:

Ok.. so... what's your point?

Like I said, I believe most adults react due to fear. Now some might be in state of arrested development(?) but most just don't know how to deal with uncomfortable situations, so maybe they revert back to childhood.

I don't think MOST adults intend to be malicious or rude: they just don't know how to deal with reality.

You didn't answer my question: did you intend to be rude to me because you THOUGHT I was drunk? Or were you just trying to be "funny"? I may have had a couple of glasses of very GOOD wine with dinner, but that's just makes me a bit more candid than I would normally be which is pretty scary because I'm a very usually a very blunt person. The only problem is that after a couple of glasses of wine, I don't express myself as well as I usually do.. Or let's just say that I just don't take the time to express myself... Like I said.. why bother?
[Edited 11/30/07 19:13pm]

Isel said:

yeah yeah yeah....describe "very good". If you normally drink Boonesfarm, then Beringer is good by your standards.....it's all relative. (and don't google good wines, and come up with some bottle you"re not drinking)
What exactly are you drinking? I want a photo with you and the bottle.....

Isel said:

OK!
To summarize your explanation:
Arrested Developement
Inability To Deal With Reality
A Lazy Drunk.

Nighty night Isel....xoxoxoxoxoxo

xplnyrslf said:

good point. and like i said, it's all a matter of how much you want to invest in the situation and the ignoramus in question. some people you might want to just let them keep sleepwalking away into their inevitable schadenfreude.

Anxiety said:

A simple statement, such as, "I'm sure she has to make a living" would suggest she's not only HUMAN, but needs to work. As we all do. It's something that brings it down to earth, not a distant anomaly. (you can tell, I would have said something)

One4All4Ever said:

aawww man it is really tough to look different in such a superficial society

there is a girl in my supermarket that looks like she also had an accident, maybe even such a stupid thing as a child pulling down a boiling saucepan onto themselves (so easily preventable!! ) although this girl's burns are probably even worse than that. She hides under her hair and looks down while she speaks to customers. I always make a point to look her straight in the eye with a smile and touch her hand as she hands over the change, cause most others I notice look away

xplnyrslf said:

I'm not lazy, and I wasn't drunk! In fact, I stayed-up pretty late,so.. nanny nanny boo boo to you! But what's it to ya?

And the wine was Beaujolais Nouveau! But what does that have to do with anything?

I repeat, what's the point of continuing a convo with you if you are going to completely dismiss my opinion because I had a couple of glasses of wine? (Then make a comment about the type of wine I might be drinking? What's up with that? Who really cares anyway? ) Frankly, I think your little comment about my taste in wine reeks of snobbery as a way to further trivialize what I had to say. I don't think my opinion was out of realm of possibility at all, but apparently you do.

If you are going to "dismiss" my opinion by calling me "cheap" drunk then why should I dignify those comments with a response? With or without a single drop of even a cheap wine-cooler, I simply didn't agree with you because I don't think it's ignorance necessarily: it's more avoidance. But the difference is that I didn't dismiss your opinion for any reason or make you out to be a joke or something like that.

It's really ironic--you are talking about ignorance and being insensitive to people. Well, what's your excuse? Are you a child or an adult--ignorant or insecure? Or is it maybe little bit of "all of the above:?

I wasn't drunk. I happen to really love Beaujolais Nouveau during the holidays even though I'm not much of a drinker otherwise. And I'm not lazy. I just don't agree with you.


P.S. The "original" topic was the following:
My question : do you judge people superficially or do you give everybody the time and space to be theirselves around you ?

--not necessarily how we would handle this particular situation by "saying something" to the offenders. The point was why did these people feel compelled to comment in the first place? Why did her appearance even matter to them?
[Edited 12/1/07 5:45am]

I'm no beauty queen myself, but...sometimes I can be a little harsh. I won't lie. I feel a little crappy around prettier people. (Especially when they stare at me. o_o) I try to avoid doing so, though. I've come to find that even the most beautiful people can have the most screwed up lives and personalities. It's something I think people can't really help. If you see someone, you're going to think something about them. Sadly in my case, lots of jerks just say what's on their mind. I'm too much of a coward as well to open my mouth. Well...my mouth wouldn't open. I'd probably just sock 'em one. Brutal honesty runs wild and free in the world. We're all a lil guilty of judging.

LadyLuvSexxy said:

So true.

If beauty is skin deep then Dan must be inside out

mdiver said:

The quote is:


If beauty is on the inside, then turn yo ugly azz iside out.

Imago said:

DanceWme said:

It's one of my favorite quotes ever.

Isel said:

and I quote:
"I may have had a couple of glasses of very GOOD wine...."
You're the one who said it was good! I didn't say you were a cheap drunk, .....hey! You brought it up!

I didn't trivialize your original conclusion: people behave the way they do because of"fear".
I'm not sure I ever disagreed with you, at all.



I re-read the posts.....I NEVER disagreed with you!! THANK GOD!
(and I was joking about the lazy drunk part, because you said you fall asleep before you get to that point) I'll take it back.

[Edited 12/1/07 6:43am]

God how I wish I were with you. I would've said something to those assholes.

xplnyrslf said:

That, to me, is completely different. When children say these things, there's no malicious intent. Unlike those twats that just wanted to be mean, thinking that they were funny. They are LUCKY I wasn't the one in front of them.