So, I started my car to warm it up this morning and was brushing the snow off of it when an amiable neighbor said hello as walking by. I gave him a big smile and a hello and he started a conversation with me about my car. How they're so disposable these days and here I was driving a 17 year old one that's fairly well taken care of and he thought that was admirable. I said I needed to go as it was time to go meet my family for the holiday. He said he was on his way to the liberal catholic church for a vegetarian thanksgiving.

We talked about vegetarianism for a bit, that we both are mostly veggie but haven't commited all the way yet, blah blah blah. Then he tells me he's disabled and asked if I'd give him a ride to the church. Now, he was walking just fine so I'm unsure his disability, but he was a kindly, older gentleman and I certainly wasn't going to ask. He did look a bit down on his luck, his glasses were clearly from the 80's and recycled, etc. I simply said, "I'm sorry, I just met you and I don't feel comfortable with that" and pointed him to the bus stop.

He explained where the church was and that it wasn't on a clear bus line. I said again, I was sorry, but that I just wasn't comfortable. He then proceeded to pull a piece of paper out of his wallet to show me his "reference". There was short paragraph typed on Minneapolis District Court letterhead and signed by some judge. The judge said he'd known the man for 20 years, described him as kind and gentle and said he always paid money back when it was loaned to him.

Despite this, I just didn't like it. So I wished him well and to stay warm and got in my car.

I felt like crap the entire hour ride to my brother's house. I know I'm supposed to follow my instincts and take care of myself and if I don't feel good about something, I simply shouldn't do it.

But, man. He really did seem like a nice old man who lived in my neighborhood and because of my stupid fear, I couldn't even answer his request for some help. And it was snowing.



I hate the world we live in that makes me feel this way.

Dont feel bad.

Now I would've been the one to say "sure sir, hop in"
Next thing u know, DanceWme would no longer be with u guys cuz i probably would've been found in a ditch somewhere with my head cut off.

Ugh, I keep trying to reply and it gives me a funky error message.

I'm so sorry and can completely relate to a situation like this. As you already know, you didn't do anything wrong, and he couldn't have expected you to just cart around an unknown man with no fear.

You were very sweet to him and that in itself was just as kind. Hope you and your family had a great day today.

I think Jesus would have said you're going to hell.

INSATIABLE said:

Thanks. We did.

I know I wasn't a complete ass. But I still feel bad.

Ah well.

Imago said:

I think buddha told me you're never making it to nirvana or wherever it is you buddhists go.

DanceWme said:

See? Don't say things like that!!!

Maybe I watch the news too much.

CarrieMpls said:

We end up in benefit concerts and Airport termnals. Duh

CarrieMpls said:

See. I wouldve felt so bad for him and would have told him to get in.
BUT not knowing him..anything could have happened.

I watch the news too much

Imago said:

I thought that was the hari krishnas.

You people with your religions confuse me.

OK, honestly Carrie.


I don't think he should have expected you to help. I mean, it's just not safe for women to be alone like that. It just isn't.

My friend Rachel visits Tampa once a year since she moved with 2 other girlfriends. The visit on the same time each ear, always.

Each year, the walk to a pier in St. Pete, and sit for a half hour. They do this in honer of a 4th girl in their tight circle of friends who was abducted at that spot (they believe) 10 years ago.


I don't blame you for doing that.

Imago said:

I don't blame me either. I guess I'm just frustrated. I hate feeling so powerless that I can't feel comfortable helping someone who probably honestly needed it.

It's yucky.

CarrieMpls said:

Try Feng Shui.

Imago said:

Don't feel bad Carrie - Ted Bundy used to wear a cast to play on his victims sympathies.

MuaPetahl said:

My dad said something to that affect. That he was working my sympathy and the idea was I'd feel bad.

CarrieMpls said:

I was once at Lido beach and decided go to the quiet end of the beach away from the noise so I could read and reflect.

On my way to that part of the beach, through a trail that takes you there, I saw what appeared to be the biggest indigo snake I've ever seen. It slithered very slowly and though I wasn't afraid of it, I certainly didn't want to startle it ad in turn get startled myself.

I then looked up and noticed an old man, in decent shape, in tight spandex joggers (which isn't TOO UNUSUAL here in Tampa) and he asked me what I was looking at.
I explained and he looked and we both marvelled at it for a moment. He spoke about various birds, manatee and other wildlife you could see near the water a the other side of the inlet. I smiled, talked, and was getting ready to make my way to beach when I noticed he was rubbing his crotch and what appeared to be a sizable penis underneath the fabric.

I looked down at it, looked back up at him, and said , "I'm only fascinated by big black snakes, thanks." and walked off pissed.


But yeah--what if I had been smaller, weaker, and unable to ward off advances?





WTF? I have to edit everything.
[Edited 11/22/07 18:25pm]

Imago said:

These people ruin it for everyone else.

How does one not become jaded and cynical?

I've been in similar situations and also felt like crap every time I said "no".

I guess it just comes down to if you feel uncomfortable and unsafe and your best interests are in direct contrast with the person asking for the favor...well...you gots to take care of yourself, girl.

CarrieMpls said:

Well, if he had been silver haired and latino, my afternoon might have been different.

Oh man, you totally did the right thing.

The whole thing just seemed a little too planned and that's really creepy to me.

He may very well be totally innocent, but really, who is willing to take that risk?

Imago said:

CarrieMpls said:

I'm pretty sure you're forming a very close approximation in your head of what that might look like.

Imago said:

Silver haired and latino? oh yes.

Your potential afternoon? hell no!

CarrieMpls said:

CarrieMpls said:

The fact that he persisted bothers me. And since when do people whip out a reference?!

You are forgiven. Go on about your business.

I would have helped him. But maybe not if I'd been a woman.

Imago said:

Don't feel bad Carrie, I would have not given a stranger a ride either. Only time I have given a "stranger" a ride was when it was raining once, and a neighbor from down the block who I do not know but have seen a million times was stuck on the side of the road, I stopped and gave her a ride home..but that is way different then a perfect stranger, and a male no less.
I was once taken advantage of by some guy in the parking lot wanting money to help tow his car to get fixed blah blah blah...I was walking into starbucks for my morning coffee and something about his story made me feel sorry for the dude, by the time I came out 5 minutes later, dude and his "broken" car were long gone.

DanceWme said:

damn.

But you know what Carrie, you did do the right thing. I'm sure that guy seemed very nice and whatnot but I think it's downright creepy for him to just ask you for a ride like that. And a note from a judge to say that he's a nice guy? wtf is that?

That dude sounds creepy. He can take the bus just like everyone else who doesn't have a car.