Imago said:

I am one of those people that drain other people. I believe that it has ruined some relationships I have. I think it's sad that people get annoyed by their freinds feeling sad instead of doing what they can to help.

evenstar said:

I think of all the other sad and awful things I can think of and cry as much as I can and get it out of my system, (obviously I've run to my room and locked the door before doing this )and usually afterwards I can take a deep breath and look at solutions, because generally I feel much better.

ZombieKitten said:

It really isn't.

Imago said:

They'd think you were quite complex.





Sorry, I had to.

You'd be surprised, I think. I think you're afraid to show that side of yourself and we all are to some extent I suppose, but those closest to me know the crap I've been through and still can go through and it hasn't changed anything, really. Other than them understanding me and where I'm coming from better. Of course there's a time and place and you're not going to go 'round to all of your coworkers and explain your seasonal affective disorder, but you can share it with some and it usually makes the relationship that much more, well, I guess less superficial.

ZombieKitten said:

Not in the long-term, no.

Lothan said:

sometimes when i'm in a really good mood and i see someone in my social circle is looking downcast, i think the best thing to do is to let them work through whatever's going on in their head. again, i'm just projecting - when i'm in that situation and *I'M* the depressed one in a big, happy group, i just want to escape my friends and go somewhere comfortable where i can be alone and turn off my brain for a while. it rarely occurs to me that someone in a situation like that might be acting sad because they WANT some kind of intervention, just cuz of how i feel when i'm odd duck out.

Lothan said:

why is this? It'd kind of what I am getting at with my round about exploration. A sad person is not a bad person, but if they don't put on a happy face, they will get shut out eventually, like people don't want them around any more - you think it is the drainage thing? I guess it is common for people to stop associating with others that drain them emotionally, or are damaging to their wellbeing

ZombieKitten said:

That's exactly it. It can be a very big drain. And it's not fun to hang out with someone when all they do is complain, have no interest in anything, no energy, etc. Of course, if it's someone you love, you put up with what you can and hope for the best. And try as much as you can to help, listen, etc. But you can't do that with someone ALL THE TIME. That's when it gets difficult.

ZombieKitten said:

I have battled depression since I was 14. some of the bad things in my life I can definately work on and change but sometimes I am depressed for no reason at all except chemically. I am finding lately that instead of calling my friends to vent, I am keeping stuff to myself because I do not want to be a drain to anyone. BUT, on the flipside of that, i am here no matter what for any of my friends because I know what it's like to be feel down a lot.

ZombieKitten said:

well, for one thing, i think it helps to think of sadness as less of a choice or an option, and more like a medical condition.

if someone has pneumonia for six weeks, we don't think "sheesh, get over it already!" we think, "wow, that person's really got it bad, i hope they can finally get better soon."

why can't we have that same attitude when someone is sad for six weeks? why is it all about "getting over it" and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps"? i mean, yes, there IS a certain amount of discipline and effort involved in maintaining a positive outlook on life, sure - but sometimes certain factors make that kind of effort difficult to the point of impossibility. working out every day might reduce the chances of pneumonia, but not everyone leads a life that allows them to hit the gym every day. ya know?

Anxiety said:

I understand.

I try to put on a happy face around groups because I don't want to be the wet blanket or want people thinking I'm negative all the time.

Anxiety said:

exactly
that person isn't any less of a person, but the attitude that they could help themselves, or SHOULD get over it already, does imply they aren't choosing to, and therefore must be a lesser person.

Lothan said:

You sound a lot like me in that respect, I do the exact same thing.

I'm never melancholy.....just the opposite. I don't internalize, I let it out.
For others who are, they seem to be that way all the time. I have no clue how to help.

CarrieMpls said:

I don't think you really understand just how complex I am.



no, really.

xplnyrslf said:

Treating them normally? including them and not being frustrated or angry with them? acceptance? I don't know.

Anxiety said:

thank you for saying this. It is an illnes to me. I take enough drugs for it.

psychodelicide said:

I just treat people the way I want to be treated. I wouldn't leave my friends no matter what. I had someone do that to me and it sucks.

Imago said:

I think you'd be surprised how much I understand.



no, really.

Lothan said:

Same here, I'm nice to a fault, honestly. It takes a lot to get me mad, but when I do, you'd better duck. And if someone who you consider a friend leaves you, then they're not truly your friend.

Anxiety said:

For some, it's a life-long commitment!
If you're going through a divorce, suffered a loss, etc...that's one thing.
For those who are that way all the time, it's an inpenatrable wall.
Chemical imbalances, vitamin defficiencies are fixable.....
It's one of those grey areas, where the individual is still functional, and doesn't seek/need treatment.

xplnyrslf said:

so are they really broken then? could it not just be the way they are?

Lothan said:

i grew up around enough clinical depression in my family to realize that it's not just a case of someone being "down in the dumps".

xplnyrslf said:

a vitamin deficiency may be easily fixed. relatively speaking (at the very least), chemical imbalances aren't exactly a simple boo-boo to patch up.

and yes, it IS a grey area. and our society does not like to deal with grey areas. we like everything black and white, period/end of story/bottom line/amen. shame that life doesn't work that way, huh?

CarrieMpls said:

especially if you're angry from arguing with someone.

ZombieKitten said:

Those I know aren't isolationists.....just sad all the time. Nothing makes them happy.....having a baby, being a successful professional, etc.....
I just want to shake one person particularily and say "Snap out of it!. We're around sick and dying people all the time! Why can't you be happy????"
Happy because: you're in good health, can get up everyday, and go to work, have a healthy child, a loving hubby.....
I don't take anything for granted.
There are some, with good reason to feel sad. Wife of 15 yrs bolted, left with no further contact.....people keep plugging along , doing what they need to, to survive, because others are dependant on it.
I don't know.
Maybe melancholy is selfish.
[Edited 10/24/07 18:49pm]

evenstar said:

The worst is when it hits me at work. It's very, very rare, but occasionally I'll have to have a difficult discussion with someone on a PMS day and I really can be passionate about what I do and can end up having a heated discussion and then before you know it my voice is starting to wobble and I want to run out of the room. But I can't. It's all I can do sometimes to keep from tears and it's practically impossible and I feel like I'm going to DIE.

ZombieKitten said:

I wouldn't say broken. Just not fixable in the near future.
I'm not being flippant.
Some enjoy their misery a little too much.

When I feel melancholy I like the person I love the most to be there for me...even if it's just a hug, or a word saying they care and understand...but lately I haven't been so lucky in having that...so being melancholy has been a constant norm in my life right now.

xplnyrslf said:

Wow. Just wow.