shanti0608 said:

yeah chris and i are good friends, so i know.. but i am glad to see steve is all good too.. lol

a cyber hug to warm u up

eraclito said:

Thank you ... I need it..I am cold

morningsong said:

Awww

I have an angel horse that I teach very young children to ride on

I think a day spent with her and I - I could maybe help that fear

shanti0608 said:

just dont tell phil, about the copping a feel bit

it was sunny over this side of town today..

eraclito said:

It was sunny here too but chilly..remember I just came from Florida..though I do not have a tan..just so you are not surprised when you see me..I am pale as if I lived here my whole life.

shanti0608 said:

lol. damn baby, i hear you, i am pale as if i have lived here all my life too..

phil needs to take us somewhere sunny and hot dammit...

When I was fourteen, a horse bucked me into a fence, then kicked and stepped on me, knocking me unconscious. Horses know I'm afraid of them and react violently when encountered by my shaky self.

It's hard for me to swim in dark waters where I can't see what's under me.

Maggots.

High altitudes, like the Sierras when skiing, give me the tendency to hyperventilate because of lack of oxygen and my asthma. I've passed out on a work trip in the mountains and kept passing out until they got me back down off the summit.

Intimacy, like Ka said. Though I crave it like Donnie, once presented with it, I feel unnatural and retreat. It's an awful thing to want something so badly yet shut down when you finally get it.

i just realised i am going to be a fucking gooseberry..

i need to find someone to bring with me

eraclito said:

No...I am always like one of the guys anyways...but if you want to bring someone you can. I am pretty laid back, shy and quiet so I am sure you guys will be chatting it up as if I was not there.

INSATIABLE said:

the experience with the horse must have been terrifying, they are huge imposing animals..

are you working through your demons, to deny oneself the very thing they crave

that is some deep darkness there..

shanti0608 said:

to be real, i am pretty laid back and quiet too, so it sounds like we will get on like a house on fire.

INSATIABLE said:

They reflect and react to your fear with their own fear

Come over - I can reintroduce you to and Angel horse

eraclito said:

Jesus, I'm sorry for it coming out that way.

It's amazing what you can get used to, after 25 years. The horse thing is on my list for the future, but first I've got to be able to handle merely approaching one without my knees buckling. It's so silly, because I truly KNOW that everything is mind-over-matter. If I want to pet a horse, I'll pet a goddamned horse. They're beautiful creatures. But they know I'm scared, and it makes them very uncomfortable, the poor things.

The swimming thing is lifelong. To teach me to swim, my mom threw me into the deep end of our pool at nine months, and I took to it like a fishie. In middle school, I life guarded our local public pool, but deep-sea creatures and debris in the river scare the shit out of me. I can fool around in the ocean, but never too far. As long as I can see what's under me, things are fine. My point was proven in high school when my best friend's jeans (I know) got stuck in an underwater tree when our river flooded. She almost drowned, and I literally had to face Hell head-on to rip her free, as she's a shit swimmer. She always tells people I saved her life, but little does she know I was peeing while I did it.

Fuck maggots.

Intimacy is likely a lost cause. I can be very mentally/emotionally close to someone, but physical closeness is just not worth it, maybe. There's not a soul patient enough for my issues there.

Mach said:

You are too wonderful! I can imagine what a horse is thinking when an unstable human walks up to them. It's probably terrifying.

A good friend of mine has a beautiful old horse, whom she trains children with. It wants nothing to do with me.

eraclito said:

You and Chris are "good friends"?

INSATIABLE said:

Mine is deep waters I guess- I am not comfortable in them really because of my swimming experience as a child. My dad threw me into the pool and I knew he could not swim...so I did not feel too safe.
So I always had a fear of deep water. I taught myself to swim alone in the pool when no one was around because I was always teased because I could not swim. (lived in Florida)
So now I have no desire to be in deep water really.

shanti0608 said:

What is up with our parents?

This sounds insane, but when I was little, I taught myself to hold my breath for long amounts of time, and would lay on my back at the bottom of the deep end, looking up. It looked like the water went all the way up to the sun, and I desperately wanted to learn how to breathe down there. I could also swim along the bottom on my stomach, exhaling a large bubble and re-inhaling the air rapidly, to stay down there longer. These days, my lungs are definitely untrained.

I think it's cool you taught yourself. It must be a lot easier than someone barking orders and repeatedly dunking you without warning!

INSATIABLE said:

well my swimming skills are weak..I had a pool a year ago that was 9 feet deep and I never ventured to the bottom. I was happy swimming along the top and floating on the raft.
It was big and deep enough for diving but I never did.
One of my big fears I suppose. My mom would always tell me I would sink to the bottom of the ocean if I was dumped out to sea and I would never survive.

shanti0608 said:

I always thought you were pretty good at diving

mdiver said:

I do my best..

INSATIABLE said:

i like maggots, they clean up all the shit..

but i hear you and u never know about the patient soul thing, life is always full of surprises..

JustErin said:

yep i love chris and chris loves me..

shanti0608 said:

Oh, the effect our mothers' words have on our young minds.

INSATIABLE said:

Yes I know...probably a good thing I am not a mom...

eraclito said:

I doubt patience would fix it. It's a hurdle I'll have to jump, and nobody can jump it for me.

INSATIABLE said:

true.. i'd push ya..

eraclito said:

shanti0608 said:

Babe, from what I know of you, you're one of the women I'd instantly think of when posed the 'good mom' scenario.

eraclito said:

Lately it's been either that, or blue balls for my victims.

INSATIABLE said:

well thank you for the compliment but I am not so sure about that one. we shall see what the future holds....