MissMe said:

I'm sorry... "dobbing" him in...?

I would report the jerk next time I saw him drive drunk, I really would. A friend of the family was killed by a drunk driver, she was a mother of 3 little girls, and some drunk hit her while she sat in her parked car, on the side of the road (she had a flat, and AAA was on the way) That tragedy has always made me be the one who never thinks twice about calling the police on a drunk driver, even if heaven forbid, it was someone I know. Who cares if your "group would get split up" My friend died, and her girls lost a mother. that is more painfull. Just my two cents.

Have you talked to Jo about it properly? What does she say?

violator said:

Snitching, grassing him up, scaring him into stopping.

PaisleyPark5083 said:

I am so sorry to hear of your friend.
Which is why I wanted to start this thread, so I could react in a way others would. I don't really like this guy, yes he can be fun. but not after a night out, and as he is my friends boyfriend, he isn't a close friend of mine, but having said that, it still is not accepotable to be driving while under the influence. He is really pulling Jo down and she doesn't seem to be the same person we all knew. But she is "in love" and she won't see sense. I know we would be hurting two people but the way I see it, I would rather hurt two people emotioinally than see them and other people we do not even know get hurt physically in a crash. I have had dreams about it, and it is affecting my daytime to an extent that I would rather walk away from it all, but I couldn't live with the guilt if something horrific did happen.
He has had a couple of scares in the past and I feel for certain if he doesn't buck up his ways, the next "scare" will be the last.

retina said:

She is in love and is blind to it all, she loves the rush and excitement. When we talk to her she says we are getting boring and have forgotten how to live, and it is no different to how others live their lives and act. She is a different person to how she was before she met this asshole.
[Edited 10/9/07 12:48pm]

MissMe said:

I also do not feel like this is a healthy relationship for your friend to be in, a drunk boyfriend who has no care or respect for himself, his girlfriend, or others on the road, is not considered a catch!

PaisleyPark5083 said:

Oh I know. Totally. He can be charming, holds down a good job but is like a Jeykll and Hyde in the evenings. He is intelligent enough he should see sense. I just don't know why he acts like this.
We used to all go out and have a laugh, but he is ruining and straining our group of friends.

MissMe said:

Yeah, well maybe she's one of those people who have been controlled for most of her life and in that case I can see why a bit of recklessness can have its appeal. I agree that there are much better and more fun ways of being reckless than to drive drunk though, so I can see why you want to do something about it.

I think the best way to go is to tell her what you've told us here; that you'd rather not call the police since you don't want to jeopardize your friendship, but that at this point you're so worried that you don't see any other way. I think she deserves that kind of a heads up (and hopefully it will be enough to discourage them from driving drunk any more), and then if you eventually actually do it then she can never claim that you didn't warn her first. If however you go from simple complaining to sending the cops on her, then she might rightly feel betrayed and might never talk to you again.

retina said:

There is no need to call the cops on her, she doesn't have a car, he drives. Then again I would hate to stick around after he has been grassed on. He can be a bit unpredictable.

MissMe said:

Well of course I meant calling the cops on him/them. She will probably feel like you called the cops on her either way though.

I'm so sorry. I think most of us (if not all) know a person/people whose addictions compel them to make dangerous decisions, including regularly driving when they shouldn't. I'll even admit I've done it a few times.

MissMe (although you'll probably hate doing it), because you don't have any control over him or Jo, I think the best thing you can do right now is to report him every time you see him turning that key. Seriously. Have the number ready and call each and every time, and include the route they're taking as well as the destination. Harsh? Yes.

When I was in high school, I had to interview a man who'd just been released from a twelve-year reduced sentence for killing a pedestrian while driving drunk. He was in high school when it happened and wasn't released until his early thirties. We're good friends now, and he would say the exact same thing to you right now, understandably.

I've even called the cops on my best friend once, after telling him I'd do it. I know it makes me an asshole. But I'm already one before calling (), and I don't care what it does to my friendships. If I know it's happening, it's my responsibility to do what's right.

Sorry about Jo, and I hope the relationship is temporary, for her sake.
[Edited 10/9/07 13:20pm]

retina said:

I know.

INSATIABLE said:

Thank you so much for your input on this. It makes sense I know and hopefully tomorrow, ok, the weekend, we can kick this asshole to the kerb. It's just a tricky situation to be in and I hate him for that.

MissMe said:

No problem! I completely relate to what you're feeling right now. You feel torn, because 'taking action' in these cases makes you a total square. It's not exactly punk rock, is it?

I TOTALLY humiliated my younger stepbrother a few months ago when we were dropping his inebriated friend off to where his car was parked. His friend's car was parked outside his mom's house, and I thought we were dropping him off over there for him to pass out on her couch or something and sleep it off. Well, he's stumbling to his damn car to drive. I was so pissed, because I knew I was going to enrage the entire carful of kids I had with me, and embarrass the hell out of my brother in front of the girls. I jumped out and stood between him and his car, gently explaining that there was no way he was getting his key in that lock that night. He was so drunk that he started wrestling with me and I had to pin him to the ground while wrestling his keys from him. I woke his mom up and told her he was her responsibility. There's a lot more to this story including a fistfight, police, and lots and lots of vomit on the sidewalk, but in the end, my stepbrother didn't talk to me for WEEKS. As if I fucking ENJOYED that experience, for shit's sake. It would have been much easier to let the fucker plow down a group of elderly joggers or careen off the freeway head-on into a tree.

INSATIABLE said:

Oh I so love your posts. You make so much sense.
You are right, I don't want to be seen as square or even a grass. It's uncool, but if it's going to save someone then sure, I will do it.
I see young kids breaking in derilect buildings and stuff, and seem to turn a blind eye. Days, years ago I would have intervened, now it's not worth your skin. I learned the hard way.
I have even had mad arguments with friends years ago, when a girlfriend of mine argued with her friend SHE would drive home as he was clearly over the limit, but she was as drunk as a skunk too, and thought she was speaking the voice of reason. Sometimes you cannot argue or reason with them unless you just knock them out.
It sucks to see good people act this way, when you know in your heart they are good people, but in one night that can all be taken away with their irresponsible actions.