I've searched for a long time in vain for a thread started about 4 years ago that contained funny captions to vague government pictures made for an anti-terrorist campaign. I remember being in tears laughing at the time, and a search on the net has made it happen all over again!

Some of my favorites:



If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder



Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.



Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.



If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.



In a big room with two doors, exit through either door. However, if you choose door #2, be sure to take the least efficient route possible.



Sometimes the terrorist arrows will get bored and exploit you to insanity. Beware.



In the event that the sky is ripped open in perfect straight lines and hell is unleashed on earth, take the opportunity to practise your parallel parking.



In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.



For laughs, try rolling a box fan down the stairs of a fallout shelter to scare the hell out of the occupants



If a yellow sign attempts to irradiate you, just stand on the other side of the wall and brag about how your penis hangs down to your ankle.



Your life is over. Stop, drop and cry like a baby.



Don't trust the Swiss. They have developed floating tents and will try to steal your lungs while you sleep.

Enjoy!

Classic.

Don't go in the first aid tent if you're hurt. We want to keep it nice and white.



If your dumb ass does get trapped under stuff, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.



Remember, if you look at internet porn, God will strike you down. Do not attempt to flee from His Justice.



Watch out for giant mutant pointy-headed tapeworms that can climb stairs. They may be working with the terrorists.



If you're engulfed in flames, jump out the nearest open window. No one wants to see your smoldering carcass when the elevator doors open.



If you drive a car with a ridiculously over-sized antenna, please beware of lighting.



Okay...that was enough to kill these animals. I wonder how much I'll need to kill a human.



Remember, nuclear explosions have the right of way. Always yield to nuclear explosions.



I wonder, what caused me to grow so much taller than this lighthouse? Was it that hazardous material I was exposed to?



Only terrorists have faces. You aren't a terrorist...are you?

Made my whole week!!!

reneGade20 said:

There were so many more on the original thread! I wish I could find it!

Moonbeam said:

I'm sitting here LMAO....I hope you find more.....

Moonbeam said:

I just laughed my arse off

Reminded me of this

http://www.sextutor.com/plane/

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.



Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!



Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile



If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.







We cannot overemphasize this enough, when terrorists strike, always stroll casually in the direction you are facing.



There is no point in staying in the closet. Everyone knows you are a flaming homosexual.

Moonbeam said:

I remember that thread.

I love this one.

minneapolisgenius said:

We need to find that original thread!

I love it!

Moonbeam said:

Knock yourself out!

I'm too lazy!

If your ever caught checking out your buddy's ass, drop, cover your face and roll around until your sexual preference has been re-established.



Ever seen "Village of the Damned"? Never mind. Just run the fuck away.



Why yes, painting your crotch orange is a bad idea.



Should your pupils disappear, becoming a bank robber is your only alternative.



If you drive an Audi with an obscenely large crucifix hood ornament, you will be electrocuted.



If you're having trouble figuring out how to wash your hands, call a friend for advice.



In the event of an emergency, trained medical personnel are instructed to physically prevent you from masturbating

This made my day. Thank you ever so.

Imago said:

Fuck off with your "arse" bollocks - you're not english.

Spookymuffin said:

You all are a riot!



2nd Funniest thread(mine is still the "make Purple Rain what is it supposed to be" from the screen caps).

Im laughing my tooshie off here!

Moonbeam said:

C'mon org! Make your own captions! I know we have some comedians here!



In the event that the terrorists employ the weapon of mass destruction known as NewPower Soul, crouch and wither or get the fuck out of there!



When the terrorists dust you for good, please have the courtesy to leave behind state-of-the-art multimedia equipment. They've earned it.



Jim really shouldn't have changed to Door Number 3. That Monty Hall is a terrorist!



Nothing thwarts a terrorist like a good old-fashioned hissy fit. For maximum effect, roll around on the ground like a bitch.



If you happen to be the only car on the road at the time of a nuclear holocaust, follow the radioactive red arrow into the white abyss in the direction of the blast.

I know mine aren't as good as some of the ones you can come up with!
[Edited 8/19/07 22:46pm]

first i thought u were linking me to a list your favorite thread

okay lemme go thru them and add a some captions. i shall return

<-----we ask that all drunks meet in room 27A.


in the event of a sweating fit. please cover your face. thank you,


"on the other hand if i used these dead fish for unthinkable sex acts...nobody would ever know...hmmmm"



no gang signs in the hospital. thank you





"lol, wait a sec i got this.....argh shit my eyes!!!11!"





thats charlie muprhy standing over you..and thats you on the ground bitch....dont talk shit in the bingo-hall we dont play that here!"

"Do not feed the white people.thank you"


"WARNING:suspected terrorist will be spray painted orange"



"Prince esta muerto"

CAUTION:Loud Men with whistles in the area.



if you've fallen and cant get up.use your flashlight to entertain yourself tell help arrives.






If you fall while moving boxes...your bad.







in the event of a robbery. please proceed cautiously to the basement for the firearms.all employees should be fully armed and loaded...ready and waiting.thank you



There is no point in staying in the closet. Everyone knows you are a flaming homosexual.

i cant change that last one dude it cant be outdone.

No people under rubble permitted inside. No rubble-free , no service.

After eating potentially contaminated ass or vagina, wipe face with moistened toilet/baby-wipes.

To ward off terrorist, stand in front of your window and wave gang signs--they'll think you're crazier than they are and leave you alone.